I worry….

That I will say or do something to scare him away that I will repeat the same mistakes I’ve made before despite my efforts to the contrary that nobody takes legitimate concerns about global warming seriously that I will slip up and let my desperate insecurities show that he needs someone more like him that the worlds we come from are just too different that I am too loud too aggressive that I won’t get my students’ midterms graded by Wednesday that he just wants to be friends that he will find out I worry about this stuff at this stage that my computer will conk out before I buy an external hard drive that I’m not smart enough not pretty enough not thin enough not virtuous enough too crazy for him too needy for him too white for him too intense for him too different from him that the effect he says I have on him will be gone when he returns that my head will explode from all this angst that we will lose against Pakistan next week and be out of the Champions Trophy that he won’t call me

/ end angst /