Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Rainy raining rain

Well, its pissing down.
Absolutely bucketing.
Raining like a mofo.
Hosing it down.
Wet as a wet thing.
Raining cats and dogs.

I remember seeing rain scenes in American movies, and the rain didn't look real. It looked, in fact, like someone was holding up a big fire hose, because the rain seemed too wet. There always seemed to be too much water in the rain for it to be real, because rain isn't that wet. It seemed fake.
Well right now its raining like there's that guy. The one who works on the movie sets and holds up the fire hose to create the fake rain. However, its raining like that from the actual sky, not from a hose. I've never seen rain like it before outside of Central Otago. It is extremely fucking wet rain. I love rain. Rain is awesome.
However, it doesn't have the decency to cool down though, does it. Its still hot, but nows its even muggier and hotter and stickier and wetter. Especially wet given that I don't have an umbrella, and its too hot for a raincoat. Still, its rain, so I'm happy.
Its funny watching the people who seem terrified to get wet. They hide under their books, and in doorways, waiting for the rain to cease so they don't get a drop of water on their precious selves.
What, are you made of salt? Are you going to dissolve? Or perhaps you are an alien, and if you get splashed your human disguise will disintegrate and your true alien form will be visible to the earthlings. Get over yourself. You're about three quarters water anyway, a little more won't hurt you.

Because the universe is out to get me, the university have fucked up my pay, so now I have to go and get money out of my NZ bank account and put it in my US bank account so that the rent cheque I sent this morning won't bounce.

Also, are you all still alive? Now I no longer have the joy of seeing your lovely selves in person, I must get my fix via updates.

Monday, August 29, 2005

The news at ten

First up in the bulletin today, New Orleans has been evacuated. Its miles away from central New York, so we're ok. Still, sucks to be them.
In sports news, way to beat those South Africans.
In technology news, Time Warner sucks big time arse. I can't get my wireless loving at home, but I can get it in the department, so its not a hardware problem, so I call Time Warner and the man says its a problem with the wireless card I have so I tell him no you dumb fuck it works in the department why won't it work on your stupid network so he claims its a software problem so I say what do I need to do to fix it and he says call back on Monday and talk to a technician but I can't can I because our home phone has gone belly up so we can't even call them to say our phone is broken because our phone is broken.
In entertainment news, on Saturday night Claire got really quite drunk and had loads of fun and ended up at a random party explaining patterns of internal conflict in the Asia Pacific region to some fine looking men. Needless to say, Sunday was a bit of a write off.
In financial news, the aforementioned drinkathon was well cheap because the graduate student club put the booze on. However, I'm still a bit skint.
And finally tonight, a human interest story.
I was having a meal with a friend over the weekend, who had me in fits of laughter, by referring to the very English ritual of a cup of tea, as "British crack".
....(insert generic newsy type music here....)

Friday, August 26, 2005

Drop em, its time for a quickie

I had a blog half composed in my head as a response to the either "things that are strange about America", imaginatively titled "things that are good about living in America" but I spent too much time reading other blogs and now I've run out of time and have to get up and go now or I'll be late to Vivek's, and I said I'd be there at and its ten past and I don't know where he lives so I'd better get moving.
Have got wireless loving sorted, she says optimistically.

Perhaps more later, when I've got a few drinks in me....

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Strange things about America
...part one of possibly a few...

1) The commercials on the telly.
At least once, in every single ad break, there is an ad for some kind of medication. It starts off with some person looking earnestly at the camera and confessing some sort of illness, be it herpes (yes, its true) or asthma or headaches (oh the horror!! having a headache!!) or some such, and then telling us how this marvellous new medication, that you can only get from your doctor of course, completely changed their lives, and how it will probably change mine.
Oh fuck off.
"Ask your doctor if Fluocillyxinmyozartanogropatiacycillin is right for you". How about no. What if I don't. What you gonna do, you over makeup-ed insincerely patronising diseased twat?
Way to create a culture of dependency.
I would not expect my doctor to come to me and try and convince me that he can complete my assignment on qualitative research in the social sciences because he saw a commercial for a new calculator on the telly last night.
I'm all for informed consumers, but please. They are doctors because they spent a bunch of years at medical school working their arses off. Pharmaceutical companies are just trying to get your business. I'm actually surprised they are allowed to advertise on the telly. Oh well. To each their own.
The commercial then finishes with a lengthy disclaimer, read in a voice so fast you can't actually understand it. I'm sure if you slowed it down however, it would read something along the lines of the following: "Possible side effects of this medication include headaches, dizziness, nausea, mild retardation, loss of feeling in the left buttock, facial pustules and dissolution of the skeletal structure. This medication is not covered by any health insurance in this world or the next, so we will require your mortgage, a pound of flesh and your firstborn as payment. Laboratory tests proved inconclusive as to the efficacy of this product, but we had fun torturing the cute little bunnies we tested it on."
2) The money.
Its all the same colour, there is no $2 denomination, and they still have 1c coins. There are no 50c coins, they have 25c coins which are called quarters, and these are the only coins worth having because every machine in the country requires them. I need 4 quarters to do my washing, but I can't use $1, cos the machine only takes quarters. 5c is called a nickel, but as far as I can tell its not made of nickel, and 10c is called a dime.
Also, it doesn't have a picture of the Queen on it.
I've taken to emptying all the pennies out of my purse everyday and putting them in a jar. Perhaps if I fill the jar up I can afford to buy an icecream. In a year.
3) There is no Marmite.
4) A cheque is called a check. As is a tick. Not the bug called a tick, thats still a tick, but the mark you make in a box in a survey or a form. They don't say "tick the box", they say "check the box". Check it for what?
5) The weather. Its August, and instead of it getting warmer, its getting colder. Poor confused northern hemisphere.
6) Pies. Or lack thereof.

I have to go now and have a serious discussion with my computer about what we want from this relationship. As in, if you don't do what I want, I want to throw you out the window, you smarmy little blue git.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Summer time....

Beer outside on the deck, no shoes, t-shirts, the smell of suncream, salads, hot nights, sweat, wasps, sunburn, being constantly thirsty...wait. I got a bit off topic there.
Summer good. For the most part.
I, however, being a native of the South Island of New Zealand, am in no way whatsoever, equipped to deal with the heat. It kills me.
I see people walking around in jeans and shoes and cardigans, while I'm in a skirt and singlet top, dying of the heat. Someone was wearing a jacket the other day.
I mean, are you fucking crazy? Its 28 degrees!!
That is hot hot hot.
I was in the Greek Islands for a good few months one summer, like for the whole summer and some weeks either side, and in retrospect I don't quite know how I didn't die. It was very common for the temperature to hit 40.
But thanks to the marvels of airconditioning, and Syracuse University's most lovely library, I am now happy in climate controlled comfort.
I must say though, the last two nights I haven't had to have my fan running all night so that I might sleep. I considered it last night; thought to myself "Its a bit warm. Perhaps I should put the fan on?" and the next thing I knew it was 7am and my alarm was blaring at me.

I haven't got my computer at home set up with teh internets yet (that one was for you, Tim), and these silly computers at the library won't let me upload to Photobucket, so I'm afraid you are going to have to live without a photo of me, my new university, my new bedroom, me doing silly stuff, me doing drunken stuff, me at my new university doing silly drunken stuff etc, until I have spoken to the nice people at TimeWarner (mmmm. evil corporate conglomerate.) and got myself some online action (no, not like that!! Get your mind out of your knickers!!) and can post pictures.

You know, here they actually say "have a nice day"? And I think some of them even mean it.
America is strange.
Please send pies.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

I made it.

I am now in the dirty old USA, ensconced in upstate New York, and all psyched for some high level ed-you-ma-kay-shun.
Actually term doesn't start until the end of the month, but theres all sorts of orientation stuff for the "foreign students", of which I am, obviously, one.
Its funny, being a foreigner.
When I was in Australia I was not really a foreigner, because its the next country over, and there are a lot of similarities (although we are, without a doubt, vastly superior). When I was living in Greece there were so many foreigners that you could barely find any Greeks, so it wasn't a thing as much. And in the UK, everywhere you turn is a New Zealander, and the UK is such a big part of our culture, because we were a colony.
But here, although there is a goodly amount of foreigners, its still pretty obvious that I am Not One Of The Locals. I look the wrong way when crossing the road cos they drive on the wrong side here (you'd think after nearly five months in Greece I would have that sorted, but no. I'm not very bright.), I went to Kmart to buy a duvet and came out with a "comforter", the upcoming term is called autumn, not "fall", and by God am I craving a pie. Right now there is little that I wouldn't do for a steak and cheese pie from the BP. And some Charlie's orange juice, cos everything here is sweetened up the wazoo.
I sent an email to my Dad, who left yesterday morning, saying thanks for coming over to help me get all set up and ensuring that I didn't get lost, and told him to please, for the love of all that is good, send Marmite.

I had a stopover in Los Angeles, and walked from the landing from Auckland terminal to the taking off to New York terminal, wearing my Salmonella Dub t-shirt, with Concorde Dawn cranked on my headphones.
There is still hope.
Am off to buy some speakers now, so the whole street can get down with some Trinity Roots.
Oh yeah.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Right. I'm in Auckland airport about to get on a plane to LA. Stupid computer won't let me view my blog, so sucks to be me right now.
Am a bit of an emotional retard at the moment. Am considering seeking the answer in a bottle of merlot.
I just went to Sounds and bought Trinity Roots and Concorde Dawn records, just to make me extra homesick.
I haven't even left.
Time for customs.

See you in the US

Monday, August 01, 2005

Don't tell me what to do, and who the fuck are you?...

My friend is really fucking me off. I know I should be charitable and all that...actually no. Fuck that. I shouldn't.
You hear all these stories about how women are in these bad relationships, and their man is beating them, or cheating on them or something Significantly and Obviously Bad, and so all her friends get together and stage an intervention and get her to break up with the bastard.
Well sometimes I wish (in a really fucked up way) that my friend's boyfriend was cheating on her or he belted her once, cos then it would prove my point, and cause her to WAKE THE FUCK UP.
Her life is a bit fucked up at the mo, cos her dad just died very suddenly, and she had to get back from Australia, and the boyfriend came over for the funeral and then went back to Australia a couple of days later.
(note: significant illustration of what a complete cunt he is. He turned up to her father's funeral in RIPPED FUCKING JEANS!!! Show us your respect there, mate)
So then yesterday he calls her and says hes not coming back to NZ, which is where she will be for quite some time, and pretty much broke up with her. Nice timing.
So the poor girl is a) totally gutted about losing her dad, b) stuck in this wintery old town with no job, no money, and lots of worries about mortgages and insurances and wills and stuff, c) missing her bastard of a boyfriend and so he picks this time to dump her.
The thing that fucks me off, despite the fact that I really want to give him The Bash for being a prick, is that for two and a half years I've been there while shes upset cos hes being a prick, and looking after her when they break up, and pretending to be happy for her when they get back together while saying "be careful, remember what happened last time when this happened (and the time before and before and before)" and now he finally breaks up with her and I really want to go around and grab her by the shoulders and shake her and yell "you have no idea that this is the best thing that has happened to you for fucking months and now you have a real opportunity to clear all the crap out of your life and start spending some time on you and your family and I can't believe you let it go on this long" while all the while knowing she has a need to be with someone at all times, and can't be single.
So yes. That is fucking me off.

Now things that aren't fucking me off.

Firstly, went to see Fat Freddie's Drop on Saturday, after falling out of the window at Nike's house, and now I have an ouchie on my knee :(

Secondly, I picked up my degree, and have the following to say...


Image hosted by
I've said it before and I'll say it again:
Mmmm. Gloating.

Thirdly, it is Monday.
On Thursday I will be in New York.
Alert the authorities.