Saturday, January 26, 2008

What I do on a Saturday

The Plan: chill out here, have a leisurely shower, go for a drink later on with my friend Jesse.

The Reality: Fluffy McStinkbomb, aka Sophie the dog-I-am-looking-after takes a trip outside just prior to my going-out-for-a-drink. Goes mental barking at the porch. Scares a skunk, who in turn unleashes his special brand of stinkbomb onto Sophie. Claire dry retches at the smell.

My Saturday night:
Call Jesse to say "frightfully sorry and all that, but I'm going to have to stand you up".
Wash the dog (who is at least half collie or shepherd or something equally fluffy).
Wash the bedclothes that the dog jumped on after being freshly skunked.
Clean the bathtub that the dog was washed in.
Wash the floor that the stinky dog ran over, leaving a trail of skunk-scent.
Wash the sofa cushion covers the dog jumped on that now smell of skunk.
Wash the sheets from the spare room bed the dog leapt on.
Wash the towels used to dry the dog off.
Wash the other towels used to dry the bathroom floor.
Wash the clothes worn while washing the dog.
Have scalding hot shower in an attempt to burn the skunk smell from my nostrils, as well as skin, hair etc.
Rummage through cupboards in attempt to find suitably smelly things to boil on the stovetop to drown out the skunk smell (first pot: lavender spray and cinnamon, second pot: coffee. Third pot: anybody's guess. Am considering entrails of dog).
Spray radiator heaters with aforementioned lavender spray then place rosemary on all heaters in the hope the scent will travel.

It's olfactory overload here tonight!!!
Eau de skunk/wet dog/coffee/lavender/rosemary/bleach/shampoo/cinnamon/washing powder.
My nose is confused.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Horatio Caine is my Ginger Nemesis

So, how about this whole 2008 nonsense, aye?

The sum total of things I have achieved since this semester can be counted on the fingers of one hand, provided that hand belongs to a soldier who found himself in possession of a faulty hand-grenade that detonated 2 and a half seconds after he removed the pin, thus blowing the poor bastard's hand to smithereens, leaving him with stumps in place of his fingers and a six digit settlement from the grenade manufacturer.

Holland Chase has achieved something though. Apparently the Organised Seamstresses of America are planning a party.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Announcement o'clock

Please forward to your respective news desks the following:

The list of "Things That Are Completely Awesome" has been amended to include Cloverfield

That will be all.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

I'm going to Graceland

We are go for Bonnaroo*, bloggers!!! Oooh, we're going to need t-shirts.
SXSW has been scrapped for being too soon, too pricey, and possibly too trade-showy for us.

I've just looked at prices for flights to get my fat arse there, and it turns out that I can fly to Little Rock (from where HC will be collecting myself and the divine Miss S and driving** us to Manchester, Tennessee via The King's final resting place) for a whopping $185.


In other news, the little nose pad (thank you, Ben) thingies on my glasses have snapped off and now my super cool styling glassies are sliding off my nose. Soldering iron, anyone?

*Sounds distinctly Australian. I hope its not filled with Aussies.
**I just decided on this plan, btw.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Fatty McLardarse

I'm back, and I'm fat!!!
Turns out that a month of eating and drinking like a champion has somehow made all my clothes a bit too small.....oops. Luckily I have a date with a treadmill this afternoon.
No photos until I'm skinny and sexy again.

Still jetlagged, compounded by the fact that I got up at 6.30 this morning after a most restless night to babysit the delightful young Master Smith.

Phonecalls are owed I know..... as soon as I can construct a decent sentence.
I would however, like to take a moment to complain about the fact that on Saturday morning I was in lovely sunny summery 35C degree NZ, and now I'm here and its snowing and its a whopping 1C degree. This is why Americans use fahrenheit, because 34F sounds so much better than 1C. Cheaters.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

Hello 2008

Shoulders: sunburnt
Children: delightful
Weather: summery
Home: brilliant
Old Friends: a gift
Hair: blonde
Waistline: a little larger than a month ago
Liver: well and truly punished
Decisions: being made
Life: getting on with it