Saturday, January 26, 2008

What I do on a Saturday

The Plan: chill out here, have a leisurely shower, go for a drink later on with my friend Jesse.

The Reality: Fluffy McStinkbomb, aka Sophie the dog-I-am-looking-after takes a trip outside just prior to my going-out-for-a-drink. Goes mental barking at the porch. Scares a skunk, who in turn unleashes his special brand of stinkbomb onto Sophie. Claire dry retches at the smell.

My Saturday night:
Call Jesse to say "frightfully sorry and all that, but I'm going to have to stand you up".
Wash the dog (who is at least half collie or shepherd or something equally fluffy).
Wash the bedclothes that the dog jumped on after being freshly skunked.
Clean the bathtub that the dog was washed in.
Wash the floor that the stinky dog ran over, leaving a trail of skunk-scent.
Wash the sofa cushion covers the dog jumped on that now smell of skunk.
Wash the sheets from the spare room bed the dog leapt on.
Wash the towels used to dry the dog off.
Wash the other towels used to dry the bathroom floor.
Wash the clothes worn while washing the dog.
Have scalding hot shower in an attempt to burn the skunk smell from my nostrils, as well as skin, hair etc.
Rummage through cupboards in attempt to find suitably smelly things to boil on the stovetop to drown out the skunk smell (first pot: lavender spray and cinnamon, second pot: coffee. Third pot: anybody's guess. Am considering entrails of dog).
Spray radiator heaters with aforementioned lavender spray then place rosemary on all heaters in the hope the scent will travel.

It's olfactory overload here tonight!!!
Eau de skunk/wet dog/coffee/lavender/rosemary/bleach/shampoo/cinnamon/washing powder.
My nose is confused.