Monday, November 27, 2006

Its better to die on your feet than live on your knees

I have approximately a gajillion (read: 32) essays to grade before the end of Wednesday and a paper to rewrite and resubmit so what did I do this evening? I wasted time on the intertron, I drank 2 glasses of fairly average red wine, I graded 2 papers, I talked to the bf who came over for a wee visit (sigh) and I watched Heroes. In my own defence, I actually saved time watching Heroes, because I had recorded it and could therefore fast forward through the ads. Holy shit....Niki?!?! Jessica?!?! Haha, Ben you will love this. Get downloading! Next week is the last one until January. Heroes is the shiznit.

I was having all sorts of ridiculous thoughts in my head (as opposed to the thoughts one gets in one's elbow.....) about the Boy from Texas and about how it was this and that and the other thing and then he came over today and I saw him and went SIGH and gave him a big snog and then we had a conversation about our mums and how cool they are (true story) and I realised that most of the time I need to not listen to the shit that my brain comes up with and just trust in This Thing because It Is Good and I'm convinced if I ignore my ridiculous residual psychological defences for long enough they will give up and go and live with someone who appreciates them because I am sick of all that shit about insecurity and stuff and things, and what is best is to just have A Little Faith and not be Miss Overanalysis and continue to wait for the other shoe to drop or whatever it is that drops when they show their true colours and leave or smash you into little pieces or hurt you in ways you can't describe in a family-friendly forum such as this and to appreciate the present and not compare it to stuff that isn't real or that happened years ago because if you do what you've always done you will get what you've always got which is why I am being so cautious and angsty about this despite the fact he is so easy to be around it is almost like I am alone when hes here which sounds a bit like an insult but is in fact one of the highest compliments I can think of to describe being around someone anyway we had a lovely conversation and then he went home to do a thing and now its late and I have to grade more papers.

Longest. Sentence. Ever.