What was the sky like when you were young?

The other night I had a dream that I was pregnant and CSI Warrick Brown (phwoar!) was my baby daddy, but for some reason unknown to me, I had no recollection of actually making the beast with two backs with him, so I felt a bit ripped off. There was no implication of any shady roofie-related action, it was all above board, but I knew I would be having his baby.
Psychoanalyse that!!

Last night's dreams were too horrible to be retold here, but its been a good few months since I've woken up screaming. Maybe that means I've finally beaten my demons. Or perhaps they're just regrouping to make another attack. Cheeky fuckers.

Have to fill out a grant application now.
"Dear Nice People. Please give me an embarrasingly large stack of money. I deserve it because I am awesome. Love Claire"

Wish me luck. And someone please make me a lovely new template, preferably in red and black. Cheers.

Some sage-like wisdom for a Tuesday.

Do not follow me, for I may not lead.
Do not lead me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me, for the path is narrow.
In fact, just fuck off and leave me alone.

I'm not an alcoholic, I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to AA meetings.

Ahhh......Monday morning hangovers! This is the life.
So I was all set to achieve great things yesterday, until my sister handed me my first glass of champagne at approximately 2pm. I was half cut by 3.30....most of the day is a blur. There were lots of little children running around, I remember that. I also remember having a wee nap on the sofa and waking up to discover I had missed CSI. Oops, good thing I'd seen it already!
Felt a bit bloody crook this morning, managed to haul my fat arse out of bed a little after 9am, only cos I remembered that Angel was on Sky 1, so I got my Buffyverse fix for the morning.

Of course, a day's drinking was just what I needed, after a wee few wines at the rugby on Saturday night. There's really nothing quite like watching the mighty All Blacks give those Aussies the bitch-slapping they so richly deserved......Bring on the rest of the TriNations so we can kick the South Africans too!!! The new haka is a bit cool too, as much as I loved the Ka Mate one this new Kapa O Pango achieves the same effect: scaring the shite out of the opposition and giving all New Zealanders goosebumps.

If anyone interesting has plans to be in LA in August, from the 17th to the 21st, come and have a drink with Sunshine and I. I'm sure she has much debauchery planned.

There is nothing much going on this weekend so I think I'll go to Wellington. Booya.

The Art of War, Lesson One: Know your enemy

Ok check out this woman in the photo with the handsome man.
Yes, she's very pretty, and she has a nice frock, and I'm sure she's a very nice person.

But.....

Does she come from a good South Island family?
Does she have a double major Bachelor's degree, an Honours degree, a Graduate Diploma of Arts (with distinction), and a Master's degree in Political Science (with merit)?
Does she have a 3.7 GPA at a top social science school in New York?
Does her family have a very nice house with a spa in Wanaka?
Does she have ridiculously long legs?
Did she spend a summer in the Greek Islands doing nothing much aside from drinking and bungy jumping?
In about 4 years, will she be the proud owner of a shiny new PhD?
Can she tie a knot in a cherry stalk with her tongue?
Does she have pretty, albeit unmanageable red curls?
Is she a fantastically good cook?
Does she have the scrummiest chocolate brown knee high leather boots in the world?
Can she scratch her forehead with her big toe?
Can she talk informedly for long periods about the hegemonic discourses of development and colonialism, or the implications for political economy of modes of production?
Does her Daddy have a plane?

So nya nya pretty lady who is dating Nathan Fillion, you may have a gorgeous and much coveted boyfriend, but I have all these other cool things as well, many of which I am sure you do not have, and I am going to keep repeating them to myself until I feel better about you stealing my imaginary boyfriend.

And now an update from our celeb-stalking news desk....

Anyone fancy a trip to California, say Decemberish?
Maybe around the 8th-10th?
Maybe do a little conventioning?
Stalk some nice Canadians?
Ok?
See you then, fan-geeks!
I'll be the tall red-head being dragged out by security.

Cause you can't jump the track we're like cars on a cable, and life's like an hourglass glued to the table, no one can find the rewind button now

Its been a week since my last blog, and thirty years since my last confession.
I am in a weird mood, more so than usual. Perhaps its because my sister and I got drunk last night and I always feel a little quiet after a skinful of sauvignon blanc...maybe its because I've been listening to that lovely Anna Nalick song that was on Grey's Anatomy and its so sad and truthful and beautiful and now I'm listening to Damien Rice and yesterday it was all about James Blunt....perhaps its because life never ceases to be interesting...or perhaps its because my rice wafers are all broken (Note: that is not a metaphor for some deep seated psychological trauma, the rice wafers are actually broken).

The good news is, I am now the proud owner of the following DVDs: the complete Firefly, the complete Black Books, Serenity, Labyrinth and Pi.
All I need now is Blackadder, the Young Ones, the complete X Files, Buffy, Angel, The West Wing and M*A*S*H, and I need never achieve anything again!!! Also, a telly would be good. I'll put that on the shopping list too, as well as a remote control for the DVD player so we have more options than stop and start.

I am going to the travel agent in an hour to get my tickets back to NY.
I wonder where I will end up? I want to be here, to live in the same city as my family, and in this country which is by far the greatest in the world, I want my children to grow up here, but I don't know how to do that. If I plan on acheiving my ambitions it will be many years before I can live here, buy a house and get myself all settled. Even if I end up teaching at a university, my options are few. There are only 4 universities in NZ that I would work at, and I wouldn't live in Australia again.
It feels a bit like I will have to choose between two types of life. I should be grateful I have the option really.
Ok enough of this shit.
Here's a picture.

Why drive when you can fly?

Aha, I'm only flying because the freaking roads are closed, and because my Dad is an angel and didn't want me to miss the conference in Dunedin this weekend, so in a few hours I will be off to cold snowy Dunedin for a weekend of drinking, partying and the politics of sport in a globalising world. Fun.

Umm....I miss my friends in NY, its cold here but still good to be home, am not working as much as I should, and I broke my niece's arm*.

*It was totally an accident and not remotely my fault, it was only a tiny wee greenstick fracture, she doesn't even need a bandage let alone a cast, everybody knows it was not my fault I only picked her up like I have done a thousand times before and she doesn't seem to mind at all she still loves me and was standing on her hands last night so it can't hurt that much at all.....none of which distracts sufficiently from the fact that I BROKE ROSIE!!!
Am currently awaiting a call from CYPS who will likely arrest me, lock me up in a special Bad Auntie prison and throw away the key.

There's no place that I can't be....

Aha, here is my official coming out party....I AM A GIGANTIC NERD!!!!

And I am going to marry this man and have lovely little Canadian/NZ babies.
Sorry Hesty.

In other news, I went horseriding yesterday with my niece, and I have a remarkably sore arse today.

Ok bye.

I'll take you over...

Here is the next month:
June 23rd-26th: Dunedin
July 4th-7th: Auckland (well Whangaparoa to be exact...or maybe Orewa....)
July 14th-17th: Wellington

Also to do: Wanaka, and possibly Mount Hutt.

In the last five weeks I have been in:
Syracuse, New York
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Phoenix, Arizona
Los Angeles, California
Auckland
Dunedin
Wanaka
Queenstown
Arrowtown

Such a busy wee bee....it turns out that three months really isn't that long when you're at home and have many things to do and lots of people to see and then end up working as well....
Its a good thing I'm stopping off in LA for a wee holiday on my way back isn't it?

In other news.... life is good. The usual dramas and worries of course, but all is well.
How are you all doing?

Listening on the misty frequencies....

Last night we had a BBQ. It was an unseasonably mild evening, and there was a brand new BBQ to christen. Much fun was had....

This morning, after a night of thumping rain, we awoke to snow. It keeps coming, and in a town that is not equipped to deal with snow, it makes for an interesting sight, and a quiet political science department!

So now I'm stuck at work, waiting for my Dad to come and pick me up in the Land Rover because the road up the hill to my sister's house where I live is closed to pretty much everyone except people in Land Rovers.

One thing about living in NZ: unpredictability. You don't like the weather? Wait 20 minutes!
Never a dull moment.

Fuck

I had a root canal this morning....and the anaesthetic just wore off.

Ouch.

I just had a hot bath and now am all scrummy
Ah, the sheer joy of dial up!!!
I tried to email a photo to someone last night, and ended up having to give up because the combination of a dial up connection and 5 mega pixel photos was all a bit much.

So....I wonder if I have any blog friends left after my recent erratic presence on the internets.

Let's see, aye?

Here are a couple of good-looking boys for your viewing pleasure.

Its a hard road finding the perfect woman....

I am kind of back online, but you know how it is....busy busy busy.
Actually I am surprised at how busy I have been since I got home, and at how much I have drunk. The day before yesterday was the first day I didn't drink any booze since about a week before I left NY, so very soon I will have to do a big old detox and stay off the booze for a few weeks so my poor old body doesn't collapse.
But not tonight, because my bff and her plp are coming over for dins, and there will be wine, and much rejoicing.

I now have an office in my old dept at uni and the university is paying for my internet access and so I can't really spend too much time blogging or I'll get in big piles of barney....so I'm off now to look up who can give me the fastest dial-up, because most of my family still live in dial-up land and seeing as how I am living with them in their various houses, I too must live in dial-up land.
Me Mum has gone to the land of the Jafa this weekend, so I have her house to myself until Thursday.....party anyone?

Photos to follow.....

This post might not get posted...

Because I'm writing it on me mum's computer which has some pretty severe emotional problems.
Ah, bloggers, I miss you! I miss my daily routine of reading all your mad vaguely coherent ramblings, and I miss being able to contribute to reducing the quality of bloggerdom, one post at a time. ALthough I must say, it doesn't suck at all to be able to sit and talk face to face to friends I have been seeing only in blogs for nearly a year.
Mum's in the kitchen right now cooking me some dinner, I have been at work all day at the old university, and its nice to know I will be getting paid for it at some point in the near future.
I have an icky cold and am deathly tired because I haven't stopped since I got home 2 weeks ago, but still, life is good.

In Indonesia everything's gone to shit yet again, and over 5 thousand people are dead, and East Timor is about to go bung, so please all of you pop over to the sidebar and pick either Oxfam or Red Cross and give them some of your hard earned dollars/pounds/euro/whatever so they can try and get some water and food to the poor bastards who have lost their houses and their loved ones.

Ok thats all, I think I hear a glass of merlot calling me....
Sorry, this post isn't very good.

Australians and other fun things

OK so some sneaky people aka Sarah sneakily arranged, in a sneaky manner, to have a couple of Australians come over for my birthday, which was rather sneaky. First Janine turned up on Wednesday, and then late Friday night The Chad arrived while we were drinking at Sammy's, much to my surprise.
What a nice present.

And now I'm at me Dad's house and have just delivered young Janine to the airport and am about to meet young Chad for his first Dux experience and I know I'm all promises at the moment but a proper blog about the deliciousness of my birthday party and our whistle stop tour of the South Island complete with photos is imminent.

I miss Holly and Rebecca, but its ok cos I bought them crappy souvenir presents.

Update: there is life beyond the internets

I know this because I have been living it!!! So exciting.
I am staying at my sister's house, complete with cretaceous era computer and (dear God save us!!) DIAL UP (oh the horror). So I have barely been checking my emails, let alone blogs.
I have loads of cool photos from LA I am gagging to share with you, and rest assured there will be more tomorrow as well, because The Big Party is tonight, at which I wear my smashing new frock, drink lots of cocktails and see all my mates I haven't seen for months.

And now I must go and get my bad self organised....
Blog friends, I miss you all, and as soon as I have myself ensconced somewhere with broadband at the very least, I will be back.

Los Angeles...

I'm in LA, hanging with bloggers, life is good, going home tonight, yay.
At Sunshine's, with Allbright and Brandon and Ciavarro, got drunk last night with Heather and Tony P and such....

Ah...to busy having fun to write more.

Goodnight, New York....

Too tired to think!!! My ride to the airport (three cheers for Holly!!) will be here in 4 & 1/2 hours, so I'm going nighty nights now and I will see some of you in LA, some of you in NZ, and some of you in my dreams.
Cheers Syracuse, its been grand. See you in August.

Watch my taillights fade to black....

Right about now I should by rights be doing the dance of happy joyousness, but I am completely wrecked. I just finished my final final paper for this semester, and life is just a wee bit rosier than before. Its not completely awesome, and I will probably read over it again in the morning before I email it to my prof, but the chances of me writing any more or actually fixing it are slim to none.

So to celebrate I am now going to climb into bed with Fox(y) Mulder. Ah, Netflix. How I will miss you when I am at home for three months. Although, I am likely to be doing actual real life fun things instead of sitting at a computer all day and taking short X-Files sized breaks. Wow, it sounds so foreign....and so much like I am a gigantic loser....

The continuing story of a cat who's gone to the dogs....

Today it is a super scrummywarm day and I have just got my fat arse out of bed and had a cup of tea and now I have to write MY FINAL FINAL PAPER for this semester and then see my friends and then pack my bags and then pack up my room for a possible potential maybe sublet all before 4.45am on Thursday which is when my beloved Holly is driving me to the airport.
Last night I drank Croatian brandy and loads of wine because my Croatian friend's Croatian husband kept refilling my glass about a gajillion times and I can't spell his name properly but am appropriately grateful for the fact that four of us sat at their dining table for many many hours drinking muchos wine and talking until 1.30am.
Then I came home and talked to Tim on Skype and he called me a lush for being boozy on a Monday night and I said "fair 'nuff" or words to that effect.
OK time now to do my hair.