where I live theres a blanket of sighs and it covers the stars in my heart I'm as hungry as ever where I live I'm afraid that I walk everywhere on my hands I don't trust where my feet want to take me

Here's a scene:
A 30 year old woman has been stranded in a foreign country for five days with the knowledge that a member of her family has died. As a result of being stranded, she is almost totally incommunicado. She finally arrives back at her house exhausted in mind, body and heart, and feeling more lonely and homesick than there are words for. Ever the optimist, she calls her boyfriend of nearly 6 months (who she hasn't seen since she left for holiday, and who leaves the next day for a conference) and the following conversation ensues;

Him: How are you doing?
Her: I'm fucking lonely and sad and miserable I want to be home. Will you come over?
Him: I hadn't planned on it.
Her: Well I'm not asking you to come over and stay, I thought you might want to see me. I kind of need you right now. The funeral starts in about an hour.
Him: Well I've got lots of work, and I'm leaving for this conference tomorrow. I think if I was to come over I would feel stressed.
Her:.........defence mechanisms arise, the rationalisations begin.......well if he doesn't want to come over I'll convince myself I don't want him to come over.......

What she wishes she said: TAKE YOUR FUCKING STRESS AND STICK IT UP YOUR FUCKING ARSE MY FAMILY ARE BURYING ONE OF OUR OWN IF YOU WERE ANY SORT OF MAN YOU'D STEP UP RIGHT NOW COME OVER AND SEE YOUR GIRLFRIEND FOR A FEW MINUTES, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!
... your about-to-be-ex-girlfriend that is.....

I can't wait to tell him that "It's not me, it's you".

Pathetic plea for cash much?

Costa Rica was great, many photos were taken, and much fun was had.
However, the fact that our trip was extended five days longer than intended is threatening to put the financial ixnay on the much anticipated Coachella Blogger Geek Fest 2007.

Now I know that you would hate to see me sit and home and cry while my friends are larging it up rocking out to Rage, so here is your opportunity to help, and live vicariously through me!!!

Look to the left of the page.... see there where it says Paypal? Not just for decoration, you know.
Anyone who donates money to the Get Claire To Blogchella Fund and emails me with their postal address will be rewarded with a souvenir postcard from the very event!!! It will be just like being there!!!

I figure if Tony Pierce got an iPod, I can at least get a few bucks to.... eat.

My New Favourite Song

dan le sac VS scroobious pip





See them here

As I write this, my brother in law's funeral is underway, approximately fifteen thousand kilometres away.
I'm sure that somewhere within me exists the appropriate words to describe this anger and sadness and feelings of injustice, but right now I can't find them. All I know is that the three people I love most in the world have lost their father, and I can't even fathom it. They are barely old enough to understand what a father is, let alone to face their lives without one. A thousand scenarios of their lives run through my head of moments 15, 20, 30 years from now at which his presence will still be missed, and I wish that I could make it better for them, that somehow I could take it all away and process it all for them and give them back the happy memories but I can't and that is why I cry. If I could take their small selves and hold them in my arms and tell them it would all be ok then I would feel better but this is so far from being about me its inconceivable and I would be lying anyway because its not ok they are burying their father.
The fact that they have to deal with sadness on this level at this age pains me like nothing I have known before and I can't compute it because all I see are their lovely little faces.

If the religions are right about God having a master plan about everything that happens we are all so desperately fucked, because this makes no sense by any standard.

Yes I am fucked off and yes I may well delete this tomorrow.

Be careful what you wish for

Haha, remember when I said I never wanted to leave here?
Well those of you who follow newsy type things in the US will know that a bunch of airports in the northeast were closed because of some nasty-arse weather, and as a result, we are currently stuck in Costa Rica. Yep, stranded. Going nowhere fast. Stuckerooni.
We were supposed to fly out on Saturday, and now it looks like Wednesday at the earliest. In the meantime, I shall be sitting by the pool reading Wallerstein and sustaining myself with a budget diet of pineapples, watermelon, bread and cheese. Being poor in Central America at the beach is a lot nicer than being poor in upstate New York.

A whole bloggylicious post about our adventures will surely follow, but once I get home, where I am not charged 1,200 colones for an hour on the intertron.

I hope you are all well and playing nicely amongst yourselves.

Pura Vida

This just in: I heart Costa Rica.
Still alive, despite the best efforts of the wind and the roads. Went on a zipline tour of the rain forest today, going to the beach tomorrow for a few days of sun and snorkelling, and then I run away, find a cabin somewhere and live here forever. Please send my belongings and boyfriend.

Details to follow.

Puede ayudarme

12.01am
Things Claire is doing
- eating curry
- blogging
- faffing about on the internet
- getting home from being out drinking with my friends

Things Claire is not doing
- ensuring she has packed correctly
- locating relevant travel documents
- sleeping, especially in recognition of the fact that the taxi to the airport arrives at 4.45am

Have a smashing week!!!!

And so it goes....

First stop, San Jose, because thats where we fly into and out of. One night there, and time for some museums, a city walk-about, perhaps even a meal or two.

Then its off to Monteverde, where I can pretend I'm in a beech forest at home. A couple of nights there, including some mountain trails, the cloud forest, birds and monkeys, and general prettiness.

After the green, its time for some blue; namely the beach, and back to my beloved Pacific Ocean. A couple of days on the Peninsula de Nicoya for sun, snorkelling, swimming, chilling, reading and some serious hammock-time.

In my near future I see some fresh air, some pina coladas, a couple more freckles and about six weeks of awesome packed into 7 days.

If I don't return, take good care of each other, and Sunshine can raffle off my Coachella tickets and keep the money.

Seriously.....

Please send money.
Costa Rica is on, I just need to fund it.

King of the Blues, indeed!!!

This just in.
BB King may be a gajillion years old, but damn! Dude rocks.

In keeping with the whole Southern Bluesy theme, we went for dinner to Dinosaur BBQ before the show, an idea shared by approximately half the state's population. Waiting an hour and a half for a table isn't such a bad thing when you've got a charming intelligent man for company and a seemingly endless supply of Pennsylvania's finest. Mmmmm. Beer.

Blues guitar is hot. Lucille is shiny.
That is all.