In the last few days I have been at the lake with some friends trying to relax and figure out how to deal with this whole thing and when I think about it I can't breathe.
I have had the breath knocked out of me.
Its not just this, its everything in the last few months, one thing after another and it keeps coming: on Saturday I will be attending a memorial service for a vibrant young woman who mere days ago was celebrating a birthday and who was very dear to some who are dear to me.
But this whole thing.....I really don't know where to begin. I know in my head that the only way through to the other side of this is right through but I don't know what the first step is.
I hear Inara's voice in my head saying "this is just a moment in time, stand aside and let it happen" but if I could stand aside I would.
I want to crawl into bed and wake up when its all better, when I can breathe again.
I wonder if Maggie knows how much she has helped me in the last few days?
Am hopefully I will have something vaguely amusing and less self-pitying soon. If that fails, pretty pictures of the lake where I was over the weekend will follow. And more Maggie, of course.
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