I close my eyes and the room spins. This tiredness is of the variety that makes me think I will never be untired. Its in my bones, I am worn down to the marrow.
But that is only because today is a grey Sunday and school starts tomorrow and that means that the giant sucking chest wound of a summer is over and that makes me think about it all.
I'm also fucked off because fuckhead ambushed me at the BBQ yesterday and was all pathetic and sad and it was the first time I had seen him since he broke my heart and it all came flooding back and now I am having trouble breathing again. My first words to him were "What part of 'I don't want to talk to you' did you not understand?" then I gave myself a little mental high five.
I was going to send him a big email telling him (again) to fuck off, but then Matt pointed out that I should just leave it, because he's not worth the energy.

But I have more blessings than I can count, and I can count very high, and some of them were out in force today when I spent the day with Maggie and we walked with Holly and I came home to my lovely house and pottered about and tried to make sense of the chaos that is my room. There are things in piles now, and other things in the rubbish and recycling bins, and things on shelves and in cupboards where they should be and that makes my mind more organised because if there is order in my external life then there is far more chance of me making sense of the category five hurricane that is my brain. And now is a good time to start making sense of it all because I have to be in class tomorrow and pretend that I know what I am on about.

Haha good luck with that!!!