My Mum

Yesterday.
Context:I went to the loo, and on my way back into the living room, jumped on the bathroom scales and weighed myself.

Conversation:
Me: "Hey Mum. I've lost about 4 kilos"
Mum: *starts giggling*
Me: "Umm.... wtf?"
Mum: "No dear that's great, I just thought.....*laugh laugh laugh*..... that perhaps you had a really successful trip to the loo there"

Today.
Context: I have to get up mega early to get to the bus by about 7.20 am to get to school by 8am.

Conversation:
Me: *sneaking around the house all quiet like, while the wind and rain batter the house*
Mum : *in sleepy voice* "Claire? I will drive you to the bus stop cos its cold and raining"
Me: "Awwww.........that's sweet but you should stay in bed. Its horrible out there."
Mum: *ends up driving me not only to the bus stop, but the bus stop 3 stops further down the road, the one that has a proper shelter so I don't get wet while waiting for my bus*

In Dreams

Do you ever have those moments where you think things are okay in your mind, and you are just fine with the way they are and think that maybe if one had more time one would sit down and really think things out but its really not urgent or pressing or whatever?
Then one night you will be just chilling out about stuff and things and not worried at all about anything in particular, and then you go to bed and have a dream in which things happen and people appear and there are events and sequences and interactions and then you wake up in the morning and it all just makes sense? All this stuff that you thought might take some serious figuring out eventually just turns out to be so simple and you are kicking yourself for not realising it earlier, even though its not even the time for it now, let alone earlier and may only be the half promise half possible time for it more-than-one years down the track from now, but at now at least you know and somehow that makes it all a bit better.

Yeah, me too.

The future of the future

You know how sometimes even though life is still being life-ish and throwing big steaming turds at the people you love, and things are stressful and occasionally disappointing despite the presence of some of the best people you know both physically and digitally, you get these brief little moments when you get a glimpse of your planned future and you get a little skip of joy in your heart and you think that despite all the crap that just keeps coming everything might just be ok?

I had one today.

I've seen love, and I follow the speed in the star-swept night

Over the last couple of weeks I have been having a mini-crisis about how I know far too little about anything, well more specifically far too little about the stuff I am supposed to know buckets about what with being a Graduate Student and all, with the intention being that ultimately I will be an Expert on Matters of Concern but today that doesn't seem to bother me too much, for the following reasons.

- Sophie is delicious and full of snuggles
- I had bruschetta and dolmades for lunch
- Its a lovely sunny day and I sat outside in the back yard under a tree and read for class
- Said reading is approximately 40 pages, compared to the hundreds one usually encounters
- I have just awoken from a 2 hour nap
- The house I am staying in this weekend is very nice.
- I went to the Farmer's Market this morning and bought a supermarket bag half full of tomatoes for $4. If you know how much I adore tomatoes, you will recognise how happy that is likely to make me.
- Sophie and I are about to embark upon a walk in the evening breeze, complete with all the delightful dappled light that tree-lined neighbourhoods provide.

This post brought to you by late summer Saturdays.

I close my eyes and the room spins. This tiredness is of the variety that makes me think I will never be untired. Its in my bones, I am worn down to the marrow.
But that is only because today is a grey Sunday and school starts tomorrow and that means that the giant sucking chest wound of a summer is over and that makes me think about it all.
I'm also fucked off because fuckhead ambushed me at the BBQ yesterday and was all pathetic and sad and it was the first time I had seen him since he broke my heart and it all came flooding back and now I am having trouble breathing again. My first words to him were "What part of 'I don't want to talk to you' did you not understand?" then I gave myself a little mental high five.
I was going to send him a big email telling him (again) to fuck off, but then Matt pointed out that I should just leave it, because he's not worth the energy.

But I have more blessings than I can count, and I can count very high, and some of them were out in force today when I spent the day with Maggie and we walked with Holly and I came home to my lovely house and pottered about and tried to make sense of the chaos that is my room. There are things in piles now, and other things in the rubbish and recycling bins, and things on shelves and in cupboards where they should be and that makes my mind more organised because if there is order in my external life then there is far more chance of me making sense of the category five hurricane that is my brain. And now is a good time to start making sense of it all because I have to be in class tomorrow and pretend that I know what I am on about.

Haha good luck with that!!!

The Monday update

This morning when I clicked on Stuff, I was greeted with this photo and that made me happy.

Yesterday I went to the laundromat and the man was there clearing the quarters out of all the machines and he did something to the machines I was using so that my washing was free. That made me happy too.

On Friday night I was all settled in watching geeky TV when Matt called to drag me out to Kitty Hoynes where I drank with the Irish for the first time in many years. You think I can drink? Damn, I got nothing on those lads. Nothing, I tells ya. Saturday was fun, in a "Holy shite I think my head might actually fall off" kind of way.

Flatmate is back tonight so yesterday I finally got my shit sorted and organised my room and last night I finally slept in my new bed of awesomeness and it is huge and fantastic and I think I am in love. I want to buy it presents.

This blog is rated O for Awesome

Turns out it IS what you get sometime

Today has been a good day.

I sent an email saying things that needed to be said and then closed the book on something and someone and I know that possibly the book may fall off the shelf and land open on the floor and need more of the story but for now I have fulfilled all my responsibilities and have been true to myself and feel all the better for it.

My dear friends the Expectant Married Couple took me out looking for something I need, and on the way stopped off just for me at the pet shop so I could coo over the puppies and pat the little hamster and talk to the birdies and get my baby animal fix for the day.

The much beloved Tyra came over and we shared stories and emails and thoughts and giggled at the ineptitude and continued idiocy and inability to Get The Point of what I and her have been saying for some time now and while its sad that the person in question remains oblivious to The Point you have to admit its kind of funny and I love that after everything we can share and be friends and she doesn't mind that I am still in my shorts-that-I-sleep-in when she comes over and am all dozy from too little cat-interrupted sleep.

She wrote something that is awesome, its here I suggest you read it.

And the fan is blowing and the borrowed cat is curled up cute and sleeping and I have a Dad who tells me that he is proud of me and that I should be true to myself before anything else, and a Mum who tells me I am strong and tells her friends all about me, and two sisters who are beyond fantastic and so strong and beautiful and the three babies who have no idea how much I love them because their lives are filled with people falling over themselves to love them and a best friend who would do anything I asked of her and the knowledge that there are couches and spare rooms in so many cities all over the world that I am welcome to and a family here that has grown and consolidated over this raw violent blistering car wreck of a summer and the knowledge that we are here and are part of something that will endure beyond graduate school and this town.

Also, I have really pretty hair.
And CSI starts on September 27th, which really isn't that far off.