AOL Radio: only mildly sucky

On winamp there is a Brit Pop station, which I tend to listen to quite a lot because the radio stations in this town suck gigantic turds. Most of the time its pretty cool, as in right now they are playing the mighty Stone Roses "I am the Resurrection" which seriously shizzles my nizzle.

One problem however, actually two problems.
One is called Coldplay: Yes they are British, but they really need to be played on the "whiny annoying fuck-off-and-leave-me-alone" station.
The second is called Radiohead: Come on. If I wanted to listen to music made by suicidal squirrels that features random noises and a whiny voice that makes Chris Martin look like Captain HappyPants, then I would listen to the "Pretentious Art School Wanker" station.

Get off my Brit Pop you bastards!!!!

You know you've been in America too long......

....when you see a Mustang GT and your first thought is WANT!!!!!
(and your second thought is PHWOAR!)

My life in a triptych

Everything I own here must be put into one of three categories:

1) stuff that is coming home with me via Tennessee, and therefore must fit into 2 suitcases, 1 backpack and a handbag.

2) stuff that is going to be shipped home, and therefore that I will have to do without until October.

3) stuff that must be either sold, given away or put in the rubbish.

The problem with the first category is that it is summer now, and in Tennessee it is going to be even hotter and so I need several summer-type outfits and sandals and the like.
HOWEVER!!! When I get home it will be late June, which as everybody in the Southern Hemisphere knows, is smack bang in the depths of winter. So I also have to pack a jacket and some woolly socks and a hat. Plus the absolute minimum of five (ok, six) books, my laptop, my external hard drive and all associated cords, camera, sleeping bag, towel, toiletries to last from Sunday to the 19th of June, hats and sunscreen and sarongs because I am the whitest person in the world, various essentials such as can't-live-without dvds, summer jammies and one or two reasonably respectable outfits for when I get home and for Memphis, because you can't turn up at the home of The King looking like you've been dragged backwards through a bush. Did I mention this all has to fit in TWO SUITCASES!!!

Unfortunately my suitcases lack Tardis capabilities, so this is proving problematic.

There's really no problem with the second category, because I've filled 2 medium sized boxes and 2 small boxes and its mostly done.

The problem with the third category is that I hate throwing stuff out. Wastage drives me around the bend, so thus far I just have a large pile of things to give away to people.

Half used bottle of handcream, anyone?

urgh.

This will be brief because I am horrendously hungover.

I am Nic-Less as he headed off to NYC today for 48 hours, then off to Spain to walk across it. As you do.

I have (finally, one year later) updated my Flickr account. More to come.

Sophie is still delightful.

I finally watched the CSI finale, and all I have to say is WTF?!?!?! I did not see that coming.

The future of the future

You know how sometimes even though life is still being life-ish and throwing big steaming turds at the people you love, and things are stressful and occasionally disappointing despite the presence of some of the best people you know both physically and digitally, you get these brief little moments when you get a glimpse of your planned future and you get a little skip of joy in your heart and you think that despite all the crap that just keeps coming everything might just be ok?

I had one today.

'smy birfday today.

Awesome.

Crikey McDickster

I have returned from my East Coast adventure... relatively unscathed, unless you count absolutely shagged from driving 1300 miles in 7 days..... ten hours driving on Thursday.
We did the National Mall, including the Lincoln Memorial, the Viet Nam memorial, two Smithsonians (air and space and natural history) and the WW2 Memorial; camping on Cape Cod; dipping our toes in the Atlantic; snacks at Plymouth Rock; dinner and Boston Lager in a Boston Irish bar; a stroll through Boston Common, and a drive what felt like the entire length of Beacon Street. Since Sunday I have driven in or through New York, Pennsylvania, Maryland, Virginia, Delaware, Connecticut, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, and back to New York again.

Because a picture is worth a thousand words and because I am utterly shagged (see above) here is photographic evidence for your perusal while I drink my gin and tonic and pass out from utter wrecked-ness.
Travel: awesome and exhausting.

Scheizen!!

I'm here in Maryland, after a rather harrowing drive last night through verging-on-driving-underwater type rain and arse-loads of wanker drivers. In an attempt to be all conscientious-like, I get up nice and early so I can get to the World Bank early and get extra nerd points..... and the fucking archives aren't open until 10am!!!

I see a leisurely breakfast in my immediate future.....

ps its still raining like a mofo. Last time I was here it was warm and sunny and now I am officially disappointed.

Me name's Gough and I'm off!!!

Going to DC soon.... well to Maryland, from whence I will go to DC in the morning to hang out at the World Bank with all the cool kids.
Tuesday I will pick Nic up from whichever airport he decides to land in, do some DC touristy things, then drive north for a Massachusetts camping adventure. I have been supplied with a map of Cape Cod and given some advice from people who know it well, so it should be a good time.

Apparently I am unlikely to get eaten by a bear in New England. Happiness abounds.

Back in a week.

Happy birthday Sunshine!!!

I have just sent out invites to the "fuck off Claire" party.... at final count we were nearly at 50 people. Shit. Am tempted to send them to my blogger friends as well.... you know, just in case they were in the area..... because people from Colorado and Arkansas and Vancouver and Toronto often stop by Shitsville, New York for a weekend.

Foolishly I went and said I was going to make pavlova. Hens? Get laying!!! I am going to need a bajillion eggs!

In other news, Operation Arse Shrink has been going well. I am eating larger lunches and smaller dinners, walking loads and I even have sore stomach muscles from doing sit ups.

The upside to walking lots is spending time with my one true love, Maggie the Mega Dog.

Things I like about walking with Maggie include:
- she stops and gives me kisses whenever I want them
- she doesn't want to talk about her feelings
- she doesn't talk about psycho-babble bullshit and only cares about the important stuff in life
- occasionally she will be struck by these attacks of utmost joy and will spontaneously frolick and gambol like a happy little lamb, and I find these moments refreshing
- when there is freshly cut grass she declares damn the torpedoes and rolls around in it, turning all her white hair green like some late-to-the-party St Paddy's Day drinker, all the while knowing that the rest of us are a little jealous because the smell of freshly cut grass is so appealing that we secretly want to roll around in it too.
- I get to look at this face. This picture belongs in the dictionary, next to 'happy', and cross-referenced with 'have you ever seen a more beautiful dog?'

Oh Maggie..... however am I going to steal you away and sneak you through customs when I go back to New Zealand?

Language crime-stoppers: our work is never done

Dear CNN

Please be advised that the plural form of 'roof' is not 'roofs', as I recently witnessed on a broadcast. It is, and has always been, 'rooves'. I don't care what your second rate online dictionaries or my own mother tell me. Honestly, this is the kind of thing I expect from Fox.

Yours grammatically, in defence of the English language,

Claire the pedant.

In which I am a tasty snack.....

...for this guy.

I went to the zoo on Saturday (and I know its probably not PC but I love zoos.... but only the ones with happy healthy animals who have the appropriate space to run around and do animaly things) and came across my new best friend here.
He was staring right at me through the glass, so I said to Matt "hey, that lion is staring right at me. Its kind of freaking me out" at which point I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP the lion LICKED HIS LIPS!!!!!
Apparently I am the kind of tasty treat lions go for these days.

Witch-hunting!!!

Because we are poor and adventurous (which makes for an interesting combination, to be sure), I am taking ex-blogger Nic on a camping adventure! In Massachusetts!!! Which I can spell!!!

The original plan was to go to Boston, but then the accommodation fell through, and the backpackers were too expensive (and did I mention that we are poor?) I am borrowing some camping gear for a few days and we are going to have an adventure. I want to visit Cape Cod and Salem and Boston and Walden Pond so it may well be an action packed few days.

Do they have bears in Massachusetts?

Umm, yeah, sooo............

I think I might have recovered from the wrecking, although 3 hours sleep on Sunday night didn't help. I have no explanation. I was tired, I went to bed, and lay awake for hours. Boooring!!!!!

Its party central here, last night it was lights out at 8.20pm. Rock on, Jimmy.

Because people have asked, and because I am kind of proud of it, here is the wedding cake I made. For my sister. For her wedding.

Srsly, if one person did, 20 people came up to me and said "OMFG girl! That cake was teh awsum!!"*
5 cakes (although I actually made 7, which didn't last much longer than the 5 I used) of chocolate and chocolate-vanilla marbled, it stood about 40cm high and the bottom layer was about 35cm diameter.
The penguins were on the Chilean wedding cake as well, I made Carlos bring them over for my cake. Continuity, they call that.
This is the topper I bought and put on the practice ensure-that-the-bride-and-groom-actually-like-it cake I made a couple of days previously.
Emma wanted that on the real cake, but Dad wasn't entirely sold on the idea, if you get my drift.

And now I shall return to despairing of the state of this country's education system as reflected in the writing abilities of its first year university students. Head, meet desk. *THUNK*

*it is entirely possible that I somewhat elaborated on the language.

How to completely wreck yourself in 10 easy steps

1- Spend your last night in your home country sitting up late with your bff drinking wine. Continue the last 12 days trend of waking up at 7 am.

2- Arrive at airport at 1.30 to check in for international flights. Wait in airport for 1 & 1/2 hours.

3- Fly to Auckland at 3pm. Wait in Auckland airport for 3 & 1/2 hours. Drink 2 pints of Speights.

4- Fly to LA. Manage approximately 4 hours sleep. Read Ramsay's autobiography from cover to cover and watch 2 & 1/2 episodes of Top Gear.

5- Due to poor planning on ticket-booker's part, miss connecting flight from LA to Chicago. Wait in LAX for 10 hours. During that time, attempt sleep. Due to screaming children and stupid airport security announcements, manage about 1 & 1/2 hours sleep.

6- Fly from LA to Chicago at 11pm. Manage zero hours of sleep.

7- Wait in Chicago airport for 1 & 1/2 hours. Achieve zero sleep.

8- Fly from Chicago to Syracuse. Manage 1 hour's sleep. Arrive in Syracuse 9am.

9- Arrive at house in time to have cup of tea with Tyra, shower, and find half clean clothes.

10- Go to school, teach 2 classes.

Total travel time: nearly 40 hours
Total sleep: 6 & 1/2 hours
Total distance covered: approximately 15,ooo kms
Total wrecked-ness: unprecedented.

Home Home Home

I'm home.
It's awesome.

Doing some sightseeing with the Chilean in-laws today, meeting a couple of my boys for a Ginger Tom, drinks at my sister's place, dinner at Dad's, then off to Mount Cook tomorrow with parents and the bride and groom and The Peanut. Wanaka the next day, then worky work for a few days to get all ready for the nuptials.
I am making a wee speech, in English and Spanish. Note: I don't speak Spanish.

Updates likely erratic.

In conclusion: being here is the shizzle.
Ok bye.

All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go......

I'm off tomorrow.
Off home for 12 whole days (which is 12 days NZ time, even though I'm gone for a fortnight....so confusing)

Blogging may be erratic, but I'm sure you'll cope. Its not like you'll miss much!!!
For those of you so inclined you may rest assured that I shall be making plans to secure arrangements for your inevitable immigration.

In 41 hours I can hug my favourite people in the whole world.
That makes me happier than a whole room full of puppies.

Also, I just watched the first episode of season 4 of Doctor Who...... I tell you, I DID NOT see that coming!!!

I've had my fun and now its time to send my conscience overseas

I am sensing a pattern here.
A couple of days before I go home, I have weird moods and am indescribably tired.

About half an hour ago I was in the shower and nearly burst into tears (and no I'm not PMSing, that was my first thought) and I don't really cry that much. Then I found myself singing.
(I'm not so much a crier, more a furniture thrower and glass smasher)

This afternoon I came home and landed face down on my bed and was a hair's breadth away from abandoning the idea of dinner and work and just climbing into my bed and starting again tomorrow.

And then earlier still a couple of things went really right, and I had one of those moments where you believe that there may yet be a day in the foreseeable future where you *aren't* focusing on just getting through this one day so you can get through the next.
In those moments you realise the volume of things that make it better and that perhaps the universe possesses slightly *more* joy than a sucking chest wound, and you get a glimpse of a future where its all ok and you realise that this too shall pass.

And of course for the previous several weeks I have been my usual grouchy unsympathetic impatient self, civil only to tyratae, members of the Smith Family and about 1 in 10 of my students.

Perhaps its the imminent reprieve, because one can never underestimate the sheer exhaustion that comes from being a stranger in a strange land on one's own.
It doesn't really matter what it is, because its nearly over.
I don't understand how people can do this permanently.

Thank the gods for $7.99 bottles of wine, aye?

You damn dirty apes

Ok, is it wrong that I don't feel any sadness at the passing of Charlton Heston?
Yes, he made some good movies, but this was the guy who publicly supported Nixon and Reagan, accepted a medal from George "Right now a village in Texas is missing its idiot" W. Bush, was the head of the NRA and in that position made a statement only days after the Columbine shootings that the government could pry his gun from "his cold dead hands".

Does this make me:
a) a tree hugging granola eating wildlife loving gun hating freaky liberal
b) a heartless bitch

Warning, fan-girl level dangerously high....spoilers ahead.

t-minus 10 minutes until the first CSI of the year..... I have been waiting since December for my fix!!!
Curse you, writer's strike!

Let the live blogging commence....

8.56 pm: 4 minutes to go. Am wondering if its wrong that I am skipping a day in my tooth-whitening regimen. Focus, woman!!!!

8.59 pm: Fucking commercials.

9.00 pm: Hello Grissom. I adore you.

9.01 pm: Hello Brass. You're pretty awesome too.

9.02 pm: Hank!!! The drooliest boxer on telly. Yes, drooliest is a real word. Grissom is wearing his jammies, making himself chicken soup and coughing up a lung. He has to make it himself because SARA IS GONE!!!!

9.06 pm: I see that Catherine has taken the time off during the writer's strike to get some more work done on her face. Leave it alone woman! You are a beautiful woman, stop plasticifying your face.

9.07 pm: Hello Greg. Poor baby is sick too.

9.08 pm: NICKY!!!! Le sigh.

9.14 pm: The whole team has got the lurgy. Poor Nicky..... and all the others of course.

9.20 pm: More of Grissom's house. This is rare, but sadly, NO SARA!!! Brass cries. Nicky looks hot. Happily Warrick has turned up for this week's performance instead of sending in a cardboard cut out of himself, as he did for the last few episodes. Perhaps there was an upside to the writer's strike after all, you know, aside from the better deal for writers and all....

9.27 pm: BOOM!!!

9.32 pm: Grissom references MacGyver. I die a little bit. Too. Much. Awesome.

9.34 pm: Flatmate tells me that she has a "really bad flu" and that I should be careful and take my vitamins so I don't get it. Note that flatmate is up and walking and talking and eating and therefore doesn't have the flu.

9.35 pm: Nicky looks fine, disses Hodges. I smile.

9.41 pm: Where is the dog? I want more Hank. Consider that perhaps Vegas might not be the safest place in the world to live. Remember this isn't a documentary. Have another sip of wine. Experience moment of sadness because CSI is over halfway done.

9.45 pm: Ben pings me online and gives me shit about being a fangirl.

9.53 pm: Grissom mentions Dave Eggers. See 9.32 pm. There is some complicated story about a bad-arse gang guy and Dante's Inferno and piss (really) and a burnt out car. Thankfully, iTunes will download the episode tomorrow so I can actually pay attention to the story instead of geeking about.

9.57 pm: Grissom receives a phone call from Sara. Sigh. Episode ends. "Coming up, scenes from our next episode....."

10.00 pm: Next week looks grim. Next week I will be home. Yin, meet yang. Happily, the one outweighs the other.

10.01 pm: Ooooh look! Without A Trace!!!