Monday, October 24, 2005

Anger Ball....

I'm just trying to be a good auntie, but the universe hates me. It really does.
Because my beloved youngest niece Snotface is turning three at the end of this month, and because I am a BAD AUNTIE and won't be there I got a few people to say Happy Birthday to her and I videoed them on my precious shiny black cybershot. So now I'm trying to put the video all together so I can email it to her because my sister still lives in the age of dial up and it will take FREAKING FOREVER to download on her admittedly rather crappy computer so I'm planning ahead. BUT(t)!!!
Perhaps because I presume too much of the technology I have at my disposal, or just that I am a pretentious wanker, I took the single person videos in portrait format, because the person sending happy birthday greetings is framed better. So, I load the videos onto my computer and delete them off the camera, because the world is full of random images for me to fill my memory card with, thinking that mpeg files will have many of the same characteristics as jpeg files, one of which being the ability to be rotated 90 degrees.
Do you think Winamp or Media Player will play that game? No, those fuckers won't. So I google my query, and come up with some software I can download for a free (therefore within my price range) 15 day trial that will allow me to rotate the video so I can put it all together and send it to her.
I download the software, read the instructions (very briefly cos instructions are boring) I rotate the video, put it all together, and the sound and picture are about as out of whack as George W and the real world.
So, I take the file I have created in this programme and try to open it with another programme. Windows Media Player spits it back at me like a bad oyster, and Winamp won't even take my call. Now I have a really crappy video in obscure proprietry software that you can bet your boots my sister doesn't have on her triassic-era computer, or a collection of sideways people saying happy birthday that will confuse the crap out of Snotface.
Fuckity fucky fuckit arsewank titfuck.
I'm going to give up now and go to bed, and hope that by morning the universe will have realised that I am not all bad and will have magically installed software on my computer that doesn't suck like a bad bad donkey.