Via email...

Me: I have to go to the dreaded Mall this weekend. Wanna come with?

BBM: I can go Friday, or late afternoon/early evening Saturday. In exchange, I will charge a hefty fee.

Me: The mind it doth boggle.

BBM: You were almost solicited last night...

Me: You trying to sell my arse again? Once someone tried to sell me to a Ukranian sailor for five camels, so you'd have to do better than that.

BBM: actually, i was thinking of putting the arse to use. i can always sell it later.

Me: I thought I had made it quite clear what you were and weren't allowed to do to my arse.

BBM: its a metaphor deary

Me: You need to explain these things to me. I'm pretty thick.

BBM: in american parlayance to say "i want some booty," or "i want some ass," simply means sex.

Me: No, REALLY?!?! All your other booty calls refusing to take your calls, are they?

BBM: Nice one... but more likely that they would wish they were the flavor I want today. I have a taste for something.... south Pacific.

Me: I'm very busy and important and afraid I don't have time to concern myself with your depraved sexual appetites

BBM: How unfortunate... for you.

Me: Don't pretend you're not crying on the inside.

BBM: Perhaps the restaurant is out of the special, but there is always another dish on the menu. I guess I'll have to have French tonight...

Me: You have hot French chicks sitting around waiting for you to call?

BBM: As my pappy used to say, when your shit does not stink, there is no need to tell everybody

Me: This entire conversation is going on my blog

BBM: ...(resounding silence)...