My ear is twitching

I'm really not sure how I feel about this whole ANZAC thing. Maybe its because my family's never really been into that whole war thing, and although Poppa was born into the military, literally, there was never much made of wars in my whanau.
The thing that really grates me is the propaganda power of the whole thing. Its frowned upon to criticise a historical war when there are those still living who remember it or were a part, its as if we are somehow betraying the memory of those who died. While not wanting to start a fight, I think its wrong to accept things just because we've always been told they're right, thats where bigotry gets made. Question everything, thats my motto.
Except the healing power of chocolate, that is beyond questioning.
My Grandad and his mate made the big drive from Reefton to Greymouth to volunteer for WW2, but Grandad got turned down, something about a gammy leg. I guess I should be thankful for my gammy genes, better than none at all!

Things that are pissing me off.....
Apparently telling someone not to post smutty things on blogs about me makes me crazy. No, the fact that I hallucinate, talk to myself, and have a very interesting variation of brain chemistry, that makes me crazy.
Asking people to have some semblance of proprietry makes me acceptable in polite society.
Crap spammy chain emails. Yes Jamilla, I mean you. Here is my response, c/o fishboy

Send Me Chainmail -- This is What I Think

Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual activity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not sending out 50 billion fucking forwards sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them, that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with lung cancer brought on by second-hand smoke from the cigarettes smoked by the big bad men who kidnapped her and took pornographic pictures of her for use on their child pornography web site will get 6 fucking cents every time you send me the letter.
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you
send "his" email to $1000? How fucking stupid are you? Oh, lookey here! If I
scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Victoria's Secret
model in the catalog! What a bunch of bullshit. So basically, this message is a
big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.
Fuck them. If you're going to forward something, at least send something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some 'omniscient being'" forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity. P.S. Please forward this to at least 50 of your best friends!


THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:

Chain Letter Type 1 (scroll down)










Make a wish!!!












Really, go on and make one!!!










Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!














Wish something else!!!














Not that, you pervert!!












Is your finger getting tired yet?














STOP!!!! Wasn't that fun? Hope you made a great wish.
Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and then thrown off a high building into a pile of manure.
It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:
*Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending
them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter. Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!


Chain Letter Type 2: Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see,
there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no
legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because
for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving
Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Remember, we have no way of counting letters sent and this is all bull. So go on, reach out.
Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you
accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!


Chain Letter Type 3: Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many little 8-year-olds writing chain letters. So this is how it works. Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
Queer Horror Story #1 Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of shit, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!
Queer Horror Story #2: Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his
mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his
boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell. They continued to suffer in hell where they were both cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This could happen to you!!! Remember, you could end up like Pinsley and Bip did. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be Ok.


Chain Letter Type 4: As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to
every one of your friends.
Friends:
A friend is someone who is always at your side,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like poop,
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly,
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your loser life,
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs,
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English, no sorry that's the cleaning lady,

A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true. Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll be eaten by wild mutts!



There. Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types of chain
letters, onto the ironic part. In order for this to get any popularity, send it
on!!! If you don't think it was funny at all, don't bother, but otherwise,
forward this sucker to everyone you know!! If you don't, I don't care, but why not show this around? Take two minutes and forward it. Thanks! Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore it. If it's a joke or something, send it, sure, but if it's gonna make people feel guilty (i.e. the willieless boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e. Miranda Pinsley who ended up in a waterfall of turds) just delete it. Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in the world, and say:
FUCK CHAIN LETTERS!!

In other news, my ear is twitching annoyingly.