In Which Claire Throws Up. Lots.

As has been stated in this very forum previously, I used to be immune to the hangover. But now, holyflamingarseholesbatman. These days I'm not really one for going out on a regular basis, but when I do go, I go well.
I started off at my sister's house, where it was a rather belated happy birthday dinner for her husband. I know that folks with children don't really get much of an opportunity to get pissed, but I've seen these people a few times on the chop, and wow. They can certainly drink. Much wine was consumed, and my brother-in-law's bottle of peach schnapps mysteriously evaporated. So once we'd cleaned up the booze, my sister says: "Claire, can you make coffee? I'm too pissed." Needless to say, nobody got their coffee.
After a wee snooze on the couch (completely unintended, btw), my cell phone rings about 3am, and its the people from work I was meant to meet up with, as it was Carra's going away party. So I get a taxi, and start over again. We were supposed to be going to a strip club, for some reason Carra is keen on drinking there, but as soon as we got there we realised it was crap, so quickly made our way to Mansions, and Simon's cocktail expertise. Mmmmm. Cocktails. I'm pretty sure I had more than a couple of vodka & oranges too, but its all a blur.
I'm also having visions of attempting to chase Nike through city mall, which may explain the very sore legs I had yesterday. I was in heels. Always a good combination, cocktails, high heels and chasing cheeky Germans through town.
Also interesting, one of my workmates confessed his Feelings For Me. Its always nice when someone fancies you, even if you don't reciprocate. Its also a bit suck, cos everyone knows what its like to like someone who doesn't feel the same, so its like "Um, sorry." But I must give him credit, I was pretty pissed and he didn't once try and pull the moves or be a sleazy bastard, so thats nice.
But on to Sunday. Oh Dear. I was actually intending to blog my hangover throughout the day (Live updates from the toilet bowl), but surprise surprise, was too hungover.
I eventually got home about 8.30 am, and thats when the fun really began. I lost count of how many times I threw up, but I remember trying to drink water so that I'd have something in my stomach, but even that wouldn't stay down. The back of my throat, where it meets the nose, was burning all last night because of all the stomach acids. Also, my head was pounding like a motherfucker, but do you think that aspirin would stay in my stomach long enough to work? Not bloody likely. I did the classic hangover shower, where one crawls into the shower, turns it on hot, and sits in the bottom of the shower, hugging ones knees and moaning softly to oneself, earnestly promising the gods one will never drink alcohol again just makeitstoppleaseiwanttodie. After about three quarters of an hour of that, I had to get out of the shower and throw up again, then back to bed for a bit more sleep, before the next round of puking. Thats the worst kind of puking too, cos theres nothing in your stomach to throw up, so you don't even feel any better.
I was supposed to start work at 5.30, so J rang at 5.30 to see if I was still alive. I was still in bed, but managed to get myself together to leave the house about twenty to six, and got to work just in time to throw up again, and start work at 6. And when I say "start work", I mean I clocked in and managed to drink a glass of flat lemonade and munch on a few chips for about half an hour, before I was composed enough to actually talk to customers. Although I didn't throw up again. Yay.
So my toilet has had some good hugs in the last day, my naughty liver has had some severe punishment, and I have been thoroughly reminded of why I really am getting a bit old for this sort of carry on.
However....there is a bus trip in a couple of weeks, and you can bet your boots that I will go and get completely arseholed, and you lovely readers will have another exciting post to read then. Yay, I hear you cry.
Must go and eat some veges now, before my internal organs stage a mass walkout and go and live with someone who doesn't punish them.
My kidneys actually hurt. Not a good sign.