And in other news...

The Classic IQ Test

Congratulations, Claire!
Your IQ score is 135 (WTF?)

This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others.

Your Intellectual Type is Visionary Philosopher (I have a vision!! Or maybe a hallucination!!!). This means you are highly intelligent (?) and have a powerful mix of skills and insight that can be applied in a variety of different ways. Like Plato, you like to lounge about on Greek Islands drinking ouzo, also like Plato, your exceptional math (one plus two equals hubcaps, divided by golf makes happy, carry the smurf and you get the square verb of pineapple) and verbal skills (duh, verbalish wotsits?) make you very adept at explaining things to others (This is how its fucking done, just fucking do it and stop fucking bothering me you sad little excuse for a life-form)— and at anticipating and predicting patterns (if I drink this whole bottle of scotch, I predict I will fall over). And that's just some of what we know about you from your IQ results.

We are, however, unable to explain why you are such a dumb-arse, the reasons you forget the most basic things, like the names of people you've known for decades, and why it is well after lunch on a Friday and you are yet to acheive more than faffing about on the internet and making compilation cds on your laptop.

Find out more in your personalized 15-page IQ Report. You'll discover:

* Your hidden intellectual strengths
* How your IQ compares to others
* Exercises to improve your IQ
* Complete answers to all the questions
* The real reasons you fell for our cunning tell-you-you're-smarter-than-you-actually-are-so-you'll-give-us-money ploy

...and more! It's ready right now!
(Provided of course you send us an exorbitant amount of money, preferably your credit card numbers, and your first born would be nice too.)

Last time I did an IQ test I scored a measly 126, but that was the one on the telly, and I don't think they were trying to sell me anything.