Holy flaming arseholes, Batman

So I was in the shower, washing my hair and drinking some vodka, and a thought came to me.

Sometimes its just so weird, being me.

But I'm in a rather benevolent mood, which may have something to do with the teensy weensy bit of alcomohol I've had to drink because tomorrow at 9am is Research Methods and being overtired and having a little wee baby hangover actually makes that class more enjoyable that is how hellish it is.

And as a result of my rather benevolent mood, I've decided to invite you all to my birthday party. Unless you're mean or stinky, in which case you can piss off.

So, this party. Its in May next year, and it will probably be at my Dad's house, and its a Significant Burpday so there will be cocktails and bar service and champagne and yummy little nibbly things and lots of beautiful people. I want to fill the swimming pool up with one giant cocktail, but Dad said a) no piss off thats a perfectly good swimming pool and b) Claire that is just SOOOOO nouveau riche. I heard about a guy who had a birthday party for his wife and had an ice replica of Michaelangelo's David with vodka coming out of his winkle and waiters in togas and firecracker displays but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to get that.
But thats cool.

And then after my party we can drive up to Kaikoura and go whale-watching and go to Akaroa and play with dolphins and then drive south and stop in Geraldine for a cup of tea and a pie and to see the world's biggest jersey (its in the Guiness Book of records!) and then drive further south and go to Mount Cook/Aoraki and walk up the Huka valley and get stonechips in the windscreen of the car but we won't mind because we will be having so much darn fun. And then we can stay at the Hermitage with the ghosts and then drive to Oamarama and stop by Sailors Cutting and steal a boat and go across the lake through the gorge up to Willow Peak and I can share my childhood memories of waterskiing on a glass-flat lake and barbequeing and my Dad telling the dead horse joke and Ed and his badly cooked eggs and white chocolate and the smell of petrol for the boats and the really scary storm we had that is the reason to this day I am afraid of high winds.

And then we can drive even further south and go through the Lindis Pass and stop at the top and look out across the McKenzie valley cos its a hundred colours of pretty, and then we'll be off to our next stop which is heaven on earth the best place I've ever been Wanaka. And we will have planned ahead so that when we get there the water and heat and spa pool are on and we'll stop at the supermarket and buy loads of yummy veges and wine and cheeses and dolmades and crackers and we'll get to the house and I'll cook up a big feast and we'll sit around the big dining table and share stories about our lives and our favourite teachers at school and the first time we rode our bikes without training wheels and the naughty things we did and got away with and the best concerts we've been to and our favourite songs and the first time we got drunk and we'll laugh so much there are tears running down our faces and then I'll make us all a nice cup of coffee and we'll load the dishwasher and we'll sit on the comfy sofa and watch Black Books and then have a spa and go to bed all full and relaxed and half drunk and delicious.

Then in the morning we'll all pile into the car and go into the town and buy sandwiches and orange juice from the Doughbin and drive up the other side of the lake past Glendu Bay past Treble Cone right up into the Matukituki Valley to the DOC site and we'll walk right up to the bottom of the Rob Roy glacier two hours straight up and we'll get to the top thoroughly exhausted but in the best possible way and we'll get our sammies out and the keas will try to eat them but we'll be cleverer than them cos they're just silly parrots after all, and after we eat the sammies we'll walk down and instead of going back to the house we'll drive up to the Cardrona Hotel and have a beer and some hot chips and toast our feets by the fire and then go back to the house and stop at Tuatara Pizza and get venison and cranberry pizza and brocolli and brie pizza and apricot chicken pizza and a bunch of other flavours and go back to the house and eat our pizza and lie on the floor because its heated and maybe have another spa and when we get up in the morning we'll just lie around the house drinking tea and eating toast and playing scrabble and trivial pursuit and listening to some tunes and maybe sit in the spa some more and look out at the lake over to the Rippon vineyard and to Mount Aspiring and watch the boats coming and going and maybe go into the town and get drunk and walk home singing and making angel wings out of stolen toi toi and then after a few days we'll pile ourselves into the car and head back to sunny Christchurch and get on a plane and the adventure will be over.