Sunday, November 06, 2005

Yes I'm venting

Right I'm a bit angry and I know that some of it was my responsibility and that I fucked up and I've said as much and tried to make it clear that I felt I owed you something but not all of it was my fault there wasn't the need for those other things and I wasn't trying to shirk any responsibility there I just didn't want to take any work away from the third party because it was part of her thing and she was happy with the arrangement we had made and if she wasn't she didn't tell me if she can't tell me she feels like shes getting the short end its not my fault but I know the other thing was my fault and I tried to make it clear to you that I owed you and that we agreed that I didn't do my part but no you didn't get what I was trying to say and for that I'm sorry if I didn't make myself absolutely crystal clear but there is no call whatsoever to speak to me like I am your intellectual or moral inferior because I am neither I can accept when I fuck up I say hey, guess what, about that thing, well I fucked up and I'm sorry about that and I'm going to try and fix it now and then I do I am not trying to get away with anything I face up and take it which is what I'm trying to do and if you will believe what people say about me behind my back thats your problem especially when I say things in jest because if you believe everything I say in jest you'll have a pretty fucked up idea of me of anyone for that matter and if you are to be friends with someone you believe them over others I believe thats part of the qualification exam I agree with you that I fucked up and that I owe you which is what I'm trying to fix but nobody deserves to be spoken to like that I am not trying to get out of anything I am not attempting to justify myself or put a spin on anything I can accept I didn't make that clear but you are clever I thought you would have got what I was saying but obviously not thats ok though now I have made myself very clear we agree that I made a mistake and that I am trying rectify that but from what you said that was completely to be expected that I would fuck up you seem to have a pretty low opinion of me which makes me wonder why you got involved in the whole thing in the first place if you think so little of me but at least now I know a lot more than I did before about both of us and theres a lesson in everything and I can safely walk away with this one and regarding professionalism there is no excuse for name calling and you're probably going to give me shit about this post if you even read this but this is my blog and I write what I want and this whole thing saddens me because its all a bit unpleasant and if I didn't make myself clear then I'm sorry but if I fuck up I say so and stand up and take it and I think thats the second thing I did wrong after the first that started this whole shitfest was that I didn't make it clear that after I had thought about it I realised that I had fucked up and thats what I have been trying to say but I didn't make myself clear which is pretty ironic really because thats kind of my name.