Thursday, March 16, 2006

From such crooked wood as that which man is made of, nothing straight can be fashioned - Immanuel Kant

Right so all those who thought there was something perhaps a little wonky about me?
You were right.
I am wonky, crooked, twisted, bent, warped, deformed and generally not right.
Its official now.
I have been seeing a chiropractor, because I've had a headache for about three months and I got a little sick of it. As you do. Anyhoo, this nice chiropractor has been adjusting my neck and spine a little, but wanted to get some preliminary x-rays to get a good picture of what a mess my body is I mean to check the precise alignment (or lack thereof as it turned out) of my spine.

And as it transpires I have scoliosis.

I have a curve in my spine where there is not supposed to be a curve, pretty much exactly the same as the nice lady in the photo. I am also missing a curve in my neck where there is supposed to be one, further exacerbating my crippple-ness. Also adding to my general theme of "lets have curves in all the wrong places".
So now my chiropractor has 18 insurance funded appointments to remedy 30 years of gammy spine.
Although, I'm pretty sure that the hundreds of times I got thrown off my horse had something to do with it. So maybe 20 years. Anyhoo.

I AM A CRIPPLE!!!! ARGH!!!! insert cripple jokes here.

Hey, does this mean I can get all the good seats at concerts? Cos that would be SWEET!!!!

Also, I nearly had a complete meltdown earlier today. You know that feeling when you've had a deep tissue massage or a chiropractic adjustment? And you feel magic for a day, and then all the nasty toxins and lactic acid that were in your muscles and ligaments that were released make you feel like complete shit but there's no definate one thing that feels like crap you just get in an inexplicably thunderously raging mood because all these toxins are rushing through your body which is trying desperately to get rid of them because they're poison?

Just me? Ok.

Well my latest occurence of that had the misfortune to coincide with me being at school trying to print shit out and the computers in my department SUCK ARSE ten different ways as does the printer which was this close (very very close) to being thrown out the window. Its entirely possible I said "motherfucker cunting fucking shitfuck arse" twenty times in the space of about ten minutes. Quite a feat, really.

Right well I'm going to take my crippled arse downstairs for some food.
Although I have complete faith in my crippled-ness generating some significant humour.

Man, Sarah is going to have a field day with this. We always have nicknames for each other, from Pancho and Cisco in high school, to Smelly and Slappy in recent years. For a brief period there I was Cripple and she was Tard (retard, get it? hur hur) and I think perhaps we are due for a revival.