What's the time? Look, its rant o'clock!!

My American friends, do not read this post.

You know what I really hate? I really hate the assumption that New Zealand and Australia are the same thing. The distance between the two countries is the distance between New York and freaking CUBA!!! Someone asked me today if the hurricane that hit the northeast coast of Australia affected New Zealand at all, and it was all I could do not to stand up and scream in her face SURE BECAUSE WHEN HURRICANE KATRINA WAS POUNDING NEW ORLEANS I WAS ASKING PEOPLE IN TORONTO IF THEY WERE OK instead I said "I don't really know anybody on the north east coast of Australia" and she looked confused until I pointed out that the distance between the two countries is OVER TWO AND A HALF THOUSAND KILOMETRES THATS A LONG FUCKING WAY!!!
Its the distance between India and Iran, between London and Warsaw, between Paris and Morocco GET A FUCKING MAP AND LEARN SOME COUNTRIES ASIDE FROM YOUR OWN.

What else pisses me off? Hmm, lets see.

All those people who tell me to have a nice day. FUCK OFF ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS AT ALL IF I HAVE A NICE DAY OR A COMPLETE SHITE DAY JUST FUCK OFF YOU INSINCERE TWAT!!!

And the television. WOULD IT HURT YOU TO PLAY SOME TELEVISION THAT'S NOT AMERICAN!! Have you never heard of those other English speaking countries that make television?

Speaking of television. WHY THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP PLAYING REPEATS!!! About half the time the few decent programmes that are on are repeats with no explanation whatsoever AND THEY'RE THE SAME FUCKING EPISODES!!!! fuckers.
House has been off for three weeks; for what reason you may ask? SO THE MONKEYS CAN WATCH AMERICAN IDOL COS GOD FORBID THEY WOULD WORRY ABOUT SOMETHING IMPORTANT LIKE THE FACT THEIR COUNTRY'S ECONOMY IS GOING TO COLLAPSE SOON BECAUSE DEFICIT SPENDING IS OUT OF CONTROL!!!!

And the ads. Holy Mary mother of God give me strength. There's ads between programmes. There's ads after the credits. Then there's five minutes of programme (which I've usually seen before) and more fucking ads!!!
And all the fucking ads are for chain restaurants or drugs. Sometimes the drugs ones are really tricky, and they manage to INVENT A DISEASE SO THEY CAN SELL YOU A DRUG FOR IT!!! THE REASON NOBODY'S HEARD OF RESTLESS LEG SYNDROME IS BECAUSE YOU MADE IT UPSO YOU COULD CON THE STUPID PEOPLE INTO BUYING YOUR DUMB DRUG YOU PROBABLY TESTED ON PUPPIES!!!!!

And stop putting antibiotics in everything!! You wonder why superbugs are breeding that are immune to antibiotics? Stop with the antibiotic air filters and soap and dishwashing liquid and all the other stuff YOU NEED BACTERIA ON YOUR SKIN AND IN YOUR BODY OTHERWISE YOU'LL DIE!! Of course if they kill their immune systems then the pharmaceutical companies will make a mint, so just play along little marching ants.

Additionally, LEARN TO SPELL THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE!!! There is a difference between insure and ensure and in all the readings I've done since I've been here only ONE PERSON has got it right.

VOTERS OF AMERICA STOP ELECTING RICH WHITE STRAIGHT MEN TO BE YOUR LEADERS!!!! Guess what? A person is not defined solely by their skin colour, their sexual orientation, their religion, their ethnicity or the contents of their knickers, any more than I am defined by the colour of my dad's car, which is silver, btw.

And overweight middle-aged women? Stop wearing white trainers with your ugly jeans tucked into ugly white shirts. Also, VISIT A HAIRDRESSER COS GUESS WHAT ITS NOT 1987 ANYMORE!!!!

Kids with their pants hanging down below their knees? YOU THINK YOU LOOK SO COOL AND GANGSTA BUT GUESS WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE A COMPLETE TWAT PEOPLE ARE LAUGHING AT YOU PULL YOUR PANTS UP LOSER!! And I bet you've got a cold bum.

The radio stations. OR LACK THEREOF!!! Would it kill you to have a radio station that played anything other than cock rock, whiny emo crap and the worst shittiest crappiest fourth rate hip hop? THERE IS SO MUCH GOOD MUSIC OUT THERE GO AND FIND IT YOU FUCKERS!!!

And the wrapping on EVERYTHING!! Our new phone book arrived the other day. It was wrapped in a plastic bag, and then wrapped in another plastic bag. Why? NO FUCKING IDEA!!! I go to the supermarket and they put TWO ITEMS IN A BAG AND ITS NOT LIKE THINGS THAT WILL MESS UP OTHER THINGS I think they have a deal going with the people who manufacture plastic bags to use up loads of them, same with the people who put milk in those tiny wee packets, who individually wrap teabags, and who have packet sugar everywhere instead of sugar bowls COS BUGGER THE PLANET AYE?!?!

I also hate that the light in my room just conked out, that I have a headache, that I have a ridiculous amount of work to do in the next seven weeks, that I got shitty marks for my first two civil-military relations papers and now I have to write stellar papers for the next two to up my marks to the level to which I have become accustomed, that I lost half this blog and had to rewrite it, that windows media player is shit at being random, that I know iTunes and winamp are better but all the times I have tried to import all my tunes into either of them something goes wrong and I don't have time to fix it, that I have a hundred photos in my computer waiting to be organised and named that I don't have time to fix, that I have been away from my family for longer than I care to count, that its cold, that its eleven o'clock and I still have work to do, that I've only lost about four pounds, and that I only feel mildly better after ranting than before.

Right, back to the salt mines then.