We gon' fight, we gon' charge, we gon' stomp, we gon' march through the swamp, we gon' mosh through the marsh, take us right to the doors....


Theres this guy at work, and hes a bit of a dick. Hes from a country and religion thats not reknowned for its liberal attitudes towards women, and has a few problems with manners. He calls women "darling", and I've told him MANY times that I don't like it, I find it offensive, and could he please not do that to me.
Last night he was using the coffee machine, and I needed to use it.
Me: Hey when you've finished with the machine can you give me a yell cos I need to use it. Cheers.
Him: Sure.
....a little time passes....I return to the machine, and hes not using it.
Me: Hey are you finished? Can I use the coffee machine?
Him: Darling you just go and use it.
Me: Please don't call me darling, I've asked you loads of times, I find it offensive
Him: (insert psychotic break here) you must be fucking stupid whats wrong with you just use the fucking machine you stupid woman why do you have to fucking ask me just fucking use it
Me: (Ummmm what?...) Well I don't know, I was trying to be courteous. I understand its a bit of a foreign concept for you, but I didn't want to barge in front of you and use it when you weren't finished. Its called being considerate.
Him: you are a fucking stupid woman why the fuck do you have to be such a fucking bitch all the time what the fuck is wrong with you just use the fucking machine just fucking leave me alone you fucking bitch
Me: (this could go either way. As in either I punch him in the face, or really fuck him off by making him the butt of a funny story. I chose b)* (also thinking; if you think thats me being a bitch, you haven't seen anything you sorry little man)

So I tell the chefs, the owner, the manager and almost all the other staff, and we all have a good giggle at his expense.

Only six shifts left until I am free from the madness.

*admittedly I did go up to him later and very quietly tell him that if he ever spoke to me or any other staff member like that again I would make an official complaint and not only plead psychological abuse but sexual harrassment because every day he crosses the line at least ten times. I am tempted to do so anyway. You do not fuck with The Claire.

So the moral of the story is a) never get involved in a land war in Asia and b) if you think I'm crazy, just remember that theres people out there that make me look like (insert name of very sane person here. I don't know any).