Right bitches listen up.
Most of you (ie all) will not be getting a Xmas card from me this year. Its not because I don't care (actually it is) its because I bought a pack of twelve and once I'd sent cards to my aunties and uncles and friends back home and friends in Australia (sorry Chad, go to Janine's and share hers) I ran out. I now have one card left, and I'm saving it for that special someone.
Soon as I meet him.....
So, I took a picture of the cards I sent out this year, so you can pretend you are important enough to get one.

Ah, Vincent, how do I love thee, let me count the ways...
Here is what I would have written on the inside:

Dear (your name here)
Happy fucking Christmas.
Smoochies, Claire.

And who says I have no Xmas spirit?!?


Speaking of Xmas spirit, I REALLY FUCKING NEED THIS!!!

Normally when asked what I want for Xmas, I respond with the standard "world peace, end to hunger, European sports car, hot boyfriend who likes to shag" but this year its different. I still want all those things, but I also want this bear.
Whoever buys me this bear will be my number one favourite person for ALL OF JANUARY. Yes, thats right folks, what an offer. Who can refuse the honour of being #1 on Claire's list. And not #1 on her shitlist, which is an entirely different story. Yes, you will be showered with abuse kisses and slaps love and all sorts of pain joy for an entire month!!!
Email me for the address to send the coolest valentine bear to me, and I will love you for an entire month. (buy me the bear)
(unless of course you are an annoying little twat, in which case you can get fucked. But still buy me the bear).

In other news: there is an ice storm. My windows are frozen. Fun. Buy me the bear.
I have just finished my political science paper, and it rules. And by "rules", I of course mean "is complete pants". Buy me the bear.
And now, I have to start this arse munching, bunny killing, flower be-heading, tyre flattening, open mouth eating, puppy kicking, knicker ripping, milk curdling, homophobic, misogynistic, racist, anti-Semitic, red-necked, reactionary, ingrown toenail of an exam.
Pray for me.
And buy me the bear.