Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Samuel Huntington: Wrong About A Lot Of Things

So, how was your day?
Mine's going smashingly. Lots of funny things.
Buses for example.

This morning I had a dentist appointment. Again. The last three times I've tried to get to the dentist, there has been a gigantic bus conspiracy, and each time I've had to get a taxi either all or part of the way. Expensive when one is trying to live on a graduate stipend and pay dental bills.
So, this morning I had all the buses planned out, because I have to change at the mall for a bus to the dentists, and I was waiting at the stop by my house approximately five minutes before the bus was due at the corner about 500m up the road. In plenty of time, in other words.
So, I waited. And waited. Then waited some more. Then I swore. And waited a bit more, before swearing again. By this time about 40 minutes had passed, so either the bus wasn't coming, or had gone past my stop insanely early. Bollocks to you, bus!!!
So, I get home, and call a taxi. Luckily the buses were about an hour and a half before my actual appointment, or I would have been late. Like last week, when I was half an hour late, because of the dumb buses. Anyway.

A taxi arrives, about 20mins before my appointment, and I tell him where to go, and say we need to stop by an ATM so I can pay him. Unfortunately taxi drivers in this town don't accept invisible magic beans as payment, so I required real cash. He started waffling something about Chase Manhattan bank, and I said listen mate, just drive down East Genesee St we will pass a big ol' bunch of ATMs. So, off we go. The dumb fuck driver proceeds to go past about ten ATMs that I can see, past the dentist, where I had made it very clear we were going, and off up the road to the freaking bank.
I said look you dumb fuck*, you have already passed ten ATMs and the dentist, and look theres an ATM there drive in. So he pulls up to the front door of the bank. I said no listen son, we need to go to the ATM. So he begins to drive out of the carpark. I said no you complete incompetent*, drive through right there, where that big sign says in big lit up letters "drive through ATM". So he drives through, and stops too far away from the machine and I have to get out in the freezing cold, having just regained the feeling in my toes after waiting for the non-existent bus.
So I get my money, get back in the car (which wasn't particularly clean either...) and say lovely then lets go back to the dentist. Which he nearly drives past. Again. Then he pulls up way too fast and skids on the ice, nearly taking out some nice car thats parked. By this time the meter says about $19, and I open my mouth to inform the driver that he has the brain capacity of a pubic hair and because the meter said $15 the first time we drove past the dentist thats all I'm paying him and if he thinks hes getting a tip hes more wrong than a wrong thing in wrongtown on international wrong day. The man must have said sorry 25 times. Loser.
However, he redeemed himself a little by telling me to pay only $15, and because I was struck by a fot of Not Being A Bitch, I said "Oh thank you very much" instead of "Damn straight i'm only paying you $15".

Then I got to the dentist and he gave me the wrong anesthetic and my heart went all boom boom really fast and I got really nauseous and my entire body was shaking and thought I was going to puke right there on the shiny dental clinic floor, even though I told him no anesthetic with any form of stimulant it makes me sick. He claimed he gave me the weak one, but I said what part of no stimulants AT ALL do you not understand? Lesson learned.
Then I got some fillings which was fun.

Then I waited for about 45 minutes in the freezing cold again for another bus, but when it arrived the driver was so nice I didn't yell at him for keeping me waiting. Cos I'm nice.
Then I had to wait at the mall for 50 minutes for a bus to get to school so I bought some really yummy chicken and corn soup from some crappy chain food place, and proceeded to eat it like a retard with it all dribbling down my face because half of it was numb (my face, not the soup). There are few things funnier than trying to get soup in your mouth while half your face is numb and while laughing at yourself because you look like a retard.
Then I got on a bus and came to school and had a nice cup of tea through a straw so I didn't dribble it and read some military stuff for my civil military relations class which is in one hour and my face is still a bit numb and its pretty funny but I'm a bit less of a retard than I was a couple of hours ago.

And tomorrow morning in my IR class we're doing a simulation and I'm the negotiator and financial officer for Wilson Petroleum and its really tempting to be a complete knob in class and keep asking "but what's my motivation".

The bad news is however that there will be no boobie shots because this morning waiting around for buses I froze my tits off.

*And when I say "I said" these things, it obviously means "I thought them really really loudly"