Are there heart strings connected, to the wings you've got strapped on your back?

One thing I have learnt in my few years on this planet is that sometimes its ok to be not ok. For years I would struggle through, always believing that breaking down or taking some time to heal was a sign of weakness. I refused any help that was directed my way, and the consequences were messy to say the least.
But now I've learnt to say that I'm not fine, and to take a little time out to fix whatever is broken, or to reconcile myself to its new shape as the case may be. Right now, I'm not ok. I know I will be ok again soon, but right now I need some time. Which explains why I nearly kissed my law professor the other day when he said I could take an incomplete for the course, and that he would sign off on whatever I needed.
This weekend I am dogsitting, so Maggie the Mega Puppy and I are going to have some quality walkies and snuggling on the sofa time, and spend just a little while not working.

The upside of the trauma and drama of the last couple of weeks is that I've lost 8lbs. Woohoo. Maybe I will fit into my summer clothes after all......

And now I have to pontificate on Fanon. Fun.

You want to know why I can't sleep unless I've got a belly full of wine

Yes I live out loud and I have to say things sometimes to other people because there is simply not enough room in my head and sometimes I blog things that others wouldn't for much the same reason things get so confused inside my head and its so cramped that I can't see them clearly for all the clutter so I have to get them out so I can see them properly then I can make an attempt at figuring them out.

So, it is done.

And now I can remember all the good parts, because half a year is a fairly significant amount of time really, so I must keep remembering my reasons which is a double edged sword because while I remain convinced I did the right thing I am continually reminded of the disappointment I felt when I thought he was different and I thought I could count on him.

I guess that will teach me.

where I live theres a blanket of sighs and it covers the stars in my heart I'm as hungry as ever where I live I'm afraid that I walk everywhere on my hands I don't trust where my feet want to take me

Here's a scene:
A 30 year old woman has been stranded in a foreign country for five days with the knowledge that a member of her family has died. As a result of being stranded, she is almost totally incommunicado. She finally arrives back at her house exhausted in mind, body and heart, and feeling more lonely and homesick than there are words for. Ever the optimist, she calls her boyfriend of nearly 6 months (who she hasn't seen since she left for holiday, and who leaves the next day for a conference) and the following conversation ensues;

Him: How are you doing?
Her: I'm fucking lonely and sad and miserable I want to be home. Will you come over?
Him: I hadn't planned on it.
Her: Well I'm not asking you to come over and stay, I thought you might want to see me. I kind of need you right now. The funeral starts in about an hour.
Him: Well I've got lots of work, and I'm leaving for this conference tomorrow. I think if I was to come over I would feel stressed.
Her:.........defence mechanisms arise, the rationalisations begin.......well if he doesn't want to come over I'll convince myself I don't want him to come over.......

What she wishes she said: TAKE YOUR FUCKING STRESS AND STICK IT UP YOUR FUCKING ARSE MY FAMILY ARE BURYING ONE OF OUR OWN IF YOU WERE ANY SORT OF MAN YOU'D STEP UP RIGHT NOW COME OVER AND SEE YOUR GIRLFRIEND FOR A FEW MINUTES, MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!
... your about-to-be-ex-girlfriend that is.....

I can't wait to tell him that "It's not me, it's you".

Pathetic plea for cash much?

Costa Rica was great, many photos were taken, and much fun was had.
However, the fact that our trip was extended five days longer than intended is threatening to put the financial ixnay on the much anticipated Coachella Blogger Geek Fest 2007.

Now I know that you would hate to see me sit and home and cry while my friends are larging it up rocking out to Rage, so here is your opportunity to help, and live vicariously through me!!!

Look to the left of the page.... see there where it says Paypal? Not just for decoration, you know.
Anyone who donates money to the Get Claire To Blogchella Fund and emails me with their postal address will be rewarded with a souvenir postcard from the very event!!! It will be just like being there!!!

I figure if Tony Pierce got an iPod, I can at least get a few bucks to.... eat.

My New Favourite Song

dan le sac VS scroobious pip





See them here

As I write this, my brother in law's funeral is underway, approximately fifteen thousand kilometres away.
I'm sure that somewhere within me exists the appropriate words to describe this anger and sadness and feelings of injustice, but right now I can't find them. All I know is that the three people I love most in the world have lost their father, and I can't even fathom it. They are barely old enough to understand what a father is, let alone to face their lives without one. A thousand scenarios of their lives run through my head of moments 15, 20, 30 years from now at which his presence will still be missed, and I wish that I could make it better for them, that somehow I could take it all away and process it all for them and give them back the happy memories but I can't and that is why I cry. If I could take their small selves and hold them in my arms and tell them it would all be ok then I would feel better but this is so far from being about me its inconceivable and I would be lying anyway because its not ok they are burying their father.
The fact that they have to deal with sadness on this level at this age pains me like nothing I have known before and I can't compute it because all I see are their lovely little faces.

If the religions are right about God having a master plan about everything that happens we are all so desperately fucked, because this makes no sense by any standard.

Yes I am fucked off and yes I may well delete this tomorrow.

Be careful what you wish for

Haha, remember when I said I never wanted to leave here?
Well those of you who follow newsy type things in the US will know that a bunch of airports in the northeast were closed because of some nasty-arse weather, and as a result, we are currently stuck in Costa Rica. Yep, stranded. Going nowhere fast. Stuckerooni.
We were supposed to fly out on Saturday, and now it looks like Wednesday at the earliest. In the meantime, I shall be sitting by the pool reading Wallerstein and sustaining myself with a budget diet of pineapples, watermelon, bread and cheese. Being poor in Central America at the beach is a lot nicer than being poor in upstate New York.

A whole bloggylicious post about our adventures will surely follow, but once I get home, where I am not charged 1,200 colones for an hour on the intertron.

I hope you are all well and playing nicely amongst yourselves.

Pura Vida

This just in: I heart Costa Rica.
Still alive, despite the best efforts of the wind and the roads. Went on a zipline tour of the rain forest today, going to the beach tomorrow for a few days of sun and snorkelling, and then I run away, find a cabin somewhere and live here forever. Please send my belongings and boyfriend.

Details to follow.

Puede ayudarme

12.01am
Things Claire is doing
- eating curry
- blogging
- faffing about on the internet
- getting home from being out drinking with my friends

Things Claire is not doing
- ensuring she has packed correctly
- locating relevant travel documents
- sleeping, especially in recognition of the fact that the taxi to the airport arrives at 4.45am

Have a smashing week!!!!

And so it goes....

First stop, San Jose, because thats where we fly into and out of. One night there, and time for some museums, a city walk-about, perhaps even a meal or two.

Then its off to Monteverde, where I can pretend I'm in a beech forest at home. A couple of nights there, including some mountain trails, the cloud forest, birds and monkeys, and general prettiness.

After the green, its time for some blue; namely the beach, and back to my beloved Pacific Ocean. A couple of days on the Peninsula de Nicoya for sun, snorkelling, swimming, chilling, reading and some serious hammock-time.

In my near future I see some fresh air, some pina coladas, a couple more freckles and about six weeks of awesome packed into 7 days.

If I don't return, take good care of each other, and Sunshine can raffle off my Coachella tickets and keep the money.

Seriously.....

Please send money.
Costa Rica is on, I just need to fund it.

King of the Blues, indeed!!!

This just in.
BB King may be a gajillion years old, but damn! Dude rocks.

In keeping with the whole Southern Bluesy theme, we went for dinner to Dinosaur BBQ before the show, an idea shared by approximately half the state's population. Waiting an hour and a half for a table isn't such a bad thing when you've got a charming intelligent man for company and a seemingly endless supply of Pennsylvania's finest. Mmmmm. Beer.

Blues guitar is hot. Lucille is shiny.
That is all.

Yin and Yang strikes again.....

Read 'em and weep!!!

It almost makes up for the dizziness, exhaustion, burning throat and chunks of stuff I keep coughing up.
Ah, being sick is truly sexy. But its all ok, because soon I'll be better, and then I'll be going to Coachella.
SUCK ON THAT....*launches into coughing fit and falls off chair*

Djobi, Djoba

BEST. WEEKEND. EVER.,
Gypsy Kings rocked (I want them to play at my sister's wedding), Roger Sanchez was awesome, The Mexican restaurant with the 1 litre margaritas was fantastic (Hest and Bridget you need to go there!!), our tiny hotel room was cozy, even the four hour drive from here to Jersey and the train ride into Manhattan was fun!
My man is the bees knees, all that and a packet of crisps, he put the bop in the wop bop a loobop etc etc. Also, he smells really good.
Man, I am so loved up right now, its disgusting.

However, every rose has its thorns, and so we had to come back home and go back to work, and of course because I'm such an old fart, I can no longer handle the jandal, as it were, and I can feel that I'm getting sick.

But back to the good news, the flipside of the flipside, as it were, I may be going to Costa Rica for Spring Break.
Again, please send money.

"If you live in a council flat"... "beside a river"... "but are not blind"... WHAT? WHAT?! "What is your mother's maiden name?" What's her first name? I just knew her as Ma! Ma! That'll have to do. Ma... possibly deceased.

Urgh.
I have been trying to do my taxes, so I'm channelling Bernard and being distracted. The thing I can't figure out is that last year the IRS gave me $650, yet this year by my feeble calculations I owe them $290. So I've given up and am awaiting rescue by the lovely tax-software people at the International Student's Centre.
The stinky old IRS are shit out of luck if they think they're going to get money out of me, they should know I have precisely diddly-squat.
Hahaha, good luck you wankers.

In other news, I'm going to the Big City this weekend to see the Gypsy Kings and Roger Sanchez and stay in a swanky hotel in Times Square and the whole thing was a total surprise I found out about yesterday because my man is awesome. Bring on Saturday, and look out Manhattan!!

Also, please give me buckets of money, cos I've got none. Thanks.

Three things

1) I shovelled the snow off the front porch and steps and hurt my back and now I'm all ouchie.
2) My hair looks fantastic right now.
3) I want a new template, in red and black.

Ok bye.

Today school was closed for apparently the second time in 25 years*

Do you ever have a dream that causes you in the morning to go "what in the sphincter of hell?" yet the more you think about it throughout the day the more it makes sense?
Last night I dreamt I was going through all this old stuff of mine and I was in a big hall that was full of people I know and everything was white and shiny; and in my dresser, which for some reason were also in the hall; was all this junk jewellery all brightly coloured and shiny (I think I am a magpie) and I was so happy to have found it because it was all so pretty and completely useless. I am reminded of a similar dream I had many years ago that I told someone about at the time, and that person explained my dream to me so perfectly that the metaphors have remained with me since and most likely prompted last night's dream. Recently I was having a fairly intense conversation with two close friends about dreams and the stuff that really scares us right at the very core of our beings and I recounted a recurring dream I have that causes me to awake screaming and that gets right at the meat of the Things That Really Scare Me, and all the things that dream means to me, and I think ever since then I have had a worry in the back of my mind that I will have The Dream again even though I haven't had it for over a year, which leads me to believe that I am having dreams about pretty shiny coloured things to distract my mind from The Dream.
Ah, isn't the mind a wonderful thing? It has built in defence mechanisms.
Its really weird, because in the last few months, I think since Christmas, the occasion has arisen for certain things to be discussed, the sort of things that you normally and thankfully forget about, and on the occasion you remember you are disappointed that you couldn't forget them for just a little bit longer. There has been no particular reason for these things to be discussed, its just coincidence more than anything: places I went to with my family, things we talked about, things that we went through together and separately that for some reason ended up being discussed. Strange. Anyhoo.......

In honour of VD today I sat and watched the telly for 2 hours and drank scotch and even talked to the boy on the phone. Nobody can go anywhere at the moment because even though the roads get ploughed occasionally, there is still a mountain of snow across the driveway, even if you can get the car out of the carport and down the drive which is buried under a couple of feet of snow. /sarcastic font Its lovely -/end sarcastic font

*although school definately closed today, the above may be a total pork pie.

Fuck this shit

Ah, Claire is stressed and therefore unable to write complete sentences, and can only utter long strings of profanities.
The air has turned blue....

Oh God you owe me one more song so I can prove to you that I'm so much better than him

Things I've learnt in the last 24 hours
- My kickarse chicken salad (tm) works just as nicely with potato instead of chicken
- "Mono" is a great song for running to
- There are only 75 days until Coachella
- If you talk to each other, relationships are so much better
- Johnny Knoxville makes me turn into a sixteen year old girl in that I have an overwhelming desire to snog him

Ok thats all for now.

Friday morning 12.35am

Post removed due to effects of harsh reality of daylight and advice from a friend.... it may yet reappear who knows.
Its nice to be able to rant now and again, don't you think?

Matofotofo

I know I'm kind of late to the party, but I've just been faffing about creating my dream radio station on Pandora. Its the freaking business, and I don't think I will get any more work done for the rest of the semester cos I'll be too busy getting down with my bad self.

On a similar theme..... I just bought the soundtrack to Tsotsi on iTunes and not only is this a movie YOU MUST WATCH NOW the soundtrack kicks arse.

Love it, love it, love it!!!!

For more VD goodness, go here.
Send at least one. Go on.

Sunday Bloody Cold Sunday

Or, the one in which Claire drinks beer and watches sport.
Went to the basketball yesterday, Syracuse beat DePaul. Basketball is fun, we likes it we do. Got drunk, ended up at some party being hosted by law students drinking vodka and cranberry. I now have a very overhung bf. Completely adorable when hes hungover, all cuddly and sleepy.
Today is Superbowl Sunday, and I am enhancing the cultural experience of living here by participating in a Superbowl Party. Yep, going to a friend's place to drink beer, eat chips and watch football, and I use the word "football" in the most flexible way.
It will be a hell of a challenge to actually watch the game without commenting on:
(1) the number of breaks the players take, namely about one every two minutes
(2) the body armour and helmets and kevlar the players wear, not to mention the completely naff shiny tights
(3) the fact that there are about 100 guys on the team and almost the entire team is rotated every few minutes
(4) the extreme specialisation of each player who seems to be able to do about 2 things and then sits on the sideline for the rest of the game
BUT I am going to try! I think its unfair to ask anyone from rugby country to fully appreciate American football, because while on the surface it may seem the two games are similar, they really are so completely different, especially when it comes to the players.
Rugby players are hard men, there is no doubt about that. Their legs are the size of tree trunks, the only thing they wear in terms of bodily protection are the occasional mouth guard and tape around the ears, and they play straight for 40 minutes with maybe one or two stops, so someone can pick up their teeth or set their broken arm.
So this is why it appears I am constantly dissing American football, because when you're raised on rugby, it seems like the sport for poncy gits. But like I said, I am keen to give it a fair go.
Go Bears.

Thursday, 7.13pm

During class today I got a message on my phone from ticketmaster saying there was some kind of problem with a ticket I had recently purchased and that I had to call them back as soon as possible to resolve the issue. Of course, my first thought was "Oh Fuck they've shagged up my Coachella ticket now I can't go this is the end of happiness". My second thought was "You useless cunts can't a person complete a simple ticket transaction without you messing it up". So after some time on the phone, and the immense difficulty the woman on the phone was having understanding me (its called the English language, lady!!!) it turned out that even though the billing address on my credit card is in NY, the fact that my credit card is from NZ prevents me from being able to buy my Coachella ticket on it. Of course, the actual transaction that took place online, after which I checked my bank account in NZ to ensure the money had in fact gone through and my ticket was paid, wasn't equipped with the ability to tell me this at the time, so instead I had to waste ten minutes of my life on the phone.
GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!
The outcome however, is that I still have a Coachella ticket, and fingers crossed the money from my NZ credit card will soon be refunded, or you may rest assured that ticketmaster will bear witness to 20 years of misplaced anger.

But its ok cos today is Thursday and I've done my Lenin presentation and I have a glass of wine and its possibly quiz night and its definately CSI night and er is on too and all I have to do it write a lesson plan for the classes I teach tomorrow and then I can sit and watch a dvd damn its good to be me.

Ok Sunshine, here we go

1. I’ll respond with something random about you.
I used to know a woman who christened her first child Sunshine. For serious, like. Although that's not so much about you though. How's this: the fridge in your apartment is always really clean. Hell, your whole apartment is always nice and clean.
2. I’ll challenge you to try something.
When we go to Coachella I am going to order a drink you have never heard of and you will drink it. You will also accompany me to see Crowded House.
3. I’ll pick a color that I associate with you.
Green, the colour of the t-shirt you were wearing the first day I met you.
4. I’ll tell you something I like about you.
Your unceasing generosity towards me, and the way I can talk to you about anything. Ok, thats two things. Get over it.
5. I’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
Burbank airport, stinky hot sunny day, the sweet air conditioner in your car, May of last year.
6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of.
When I think of your place I am often reminded of that mouse in the trap I disposed of that night we went out drinking and came back to discover, but that doesn't remind me of you so much.
To me you are more like a Golden Labrador: caring, loyal, generous and dead cute, but if the need arises, you are more than capable of tearing someone's throat out with your teeth.
7. I’ll ask you something I’ve always wanted to ask you.
When we were at ******* did you and ******** really ********? Haha, just kidding. I think that is there were anything I really did want to ask, I could call you up.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this in your journal/blog.
Well that's what the rules say!!!!

Hey!!

If you're in, then you'll be in

Ok?

Generating jealousy the world over....

Smile if you've just bought your Coachella ticket.


Smile also if you really couldn't afford it but decided damn the torpedoes I'm going anyway.

90 days and counting.
Luther.... time to pony up.

I have but one thing to say,

MINUS SIXTEEN FREAKING DEGREES?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Bugger this for a game of soldiers......

Which one of you bitches wants to dance?

I hereby propose a Blogstock.
Last weekend of April.
Indio, California.
Coachella, baby!!!!

I am so excited I need to have a cup of tea and a lie down now.

Courtesy of D-bizzle

Here is a thing. I will do it, as others have. Now you might also.

1. I’ll respond with something random about you.
2. I’ll challenge you to try something.
3. I’ll pick a color that I associate with you.
4. I’ll tell you something I like about you.
5. I’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you.
6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I’ll ask you something I’ve always wanted to ask you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this in your journal/blog.

1. Dave Says:
   January 23rd, 2007 at 6:02 pm

   1) if you covered your internet persona with candy it may be a chocolate e-claire.
   2) ask or answer a question in class beginning with ‘argh, matey’
   3) red
   4) you’re angrily honest. me like.
   5) bentleys. you were drunk and harrasssing Nic. instant friendship.
   6) a meercat. constantly alert and kinda dangerous but people tend to like.
   7) did you ever actually and truely plan to kill our flatmates in the Greenroom?
   8) do it.

Who want to go next?

Its a fair cop

Ok I suck at blogging, I suck so much you can all start calling me Nic.

Here's an update: I need money so I can go to Jamaica with my man for spring break. Today I shovelled snow, did the washing and cleaned the floor. I am taking a class in the Law school. I just bought a book on Amazon for 82 cents. My stitches are so freaking itchy I want to tear them out. About 2 hours ago I ate the last Tim Tam in the house. I have an 8.30 am meeting tomorrow. Nighty night.

I like to move it move it

Turns out I really like teaching. Today I had 2 classes, both of which had lots of students talking about significant things. It was nice.

And now I'm off to Target to buy homewares. Ah, life is good.
Stitches are so itchy I am beginning to go a bit mental.

How you turn my world you precious thing...

Guess who's back (na na na).
Yep, back in Shitsville, USA, armed with a packet of TimTams, two jars of Marmite, the latest copy of the Listener, and several litres of the finest NZ Sauvignon Blanc and Monteith's Summer Ale making its way through my veins, I return to the Great Satan for another semester of fun and games.
Fuck.

Its raining now, it was hailing last night, and the sunburn I got in Castle Hill is rapidly fading.

However, I did have a lovely night in LA with the delightful hostess with the mostest Sunshine but be advised one and all, that a Corona at Dulles airport in DC is $4.99. Given that the same beer is about half that here, the signs around the airport advising customers that one will not pay more for an item within the airport than one would in downtown DC generates a combination of mirth and fear that one's eventual time in DC for fieldwork will cost a gigantic arseload of money.

For those who have never seen it, this is what Claire Happy looks like. Of the bajillion photos I took while at home, about half are of the little peanut sitting on my lap there. The other half are of her sister. The third half are attempts to get their pre-teen brother in a photo, or of funky rocks at Castle Hill.

And now, after being back here for approximately 36 hours, it must be time to unpack my bags. Note, however, that my bags haven't been back for 36 hours; as is the custom with United airlines (hereafter known as Untied airlines), my bags took an unaccompanied adventure. They are getting better though, last time only one of my bags went AWOL, this time both of them went. On the plus side, they reappeared within 12 hours this time, in August it took them 3 days to find my stray belongings.

In other news, lovely boy back tomorrow. School starts tomorrow. Potential clash of a class I am taking with a section I am teaching. And so it begins....

Hi.
Going to Castle Hill with the whanau for a few days. My other sister has arrived in one piece from Chile, so we're off to the wop wops for some Quality Time.
If you want to see what it looks like where I'll be, watch The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, esp the big battle scene. Or some bits fronm Fellowship of the Ring. Its the place with all the funny looking rocks.

Ok, gotta fly. Will be offline for a few days, then in LA..... Sunshine I will text you on Friday. My Friday, your Thursday.
Ok good.

Bye.

Blog blog blog

Eat sleep drink eat play with kids talk to sister drink watch movies play in the sun have barbeques go to the beach sleep drink Monteith's Summer Ale apply suncream shop swim text friends ignore imminent semester sleep play with the kids neglect blog and internets talk to sister about life the universe and everything shop eat sleep drink attempt to cram an entire summer into three weeks its exhausting sleep

So Xmas came and went, and so did NYE and now I'm finally blogging. This must be the first New Years Day in about a gajillion years that I'm not hungover, perhaps the solitary glass of wine I consumed has something to do with that. I've been sick for a few days so taking it easy. Mostly better now, just really tired. I am about to be left at home with two little girls so I might call my mum to come and help me.
Cricket tomorrow so I need to get into town and get a proper beige brigade top so I can impress all the poncies in the corporate box.

Update: My way-more-socially-active-then-me mother has plans. Shit. Bring out the dvd collection!!

Home again....

I have been travelling for over 28 hours with 2 hours sleep the night before and two 2 hour naps while travelling so I'm a little fried.
But I'm home now, and it is Good, and I think I shall have a little snooze.

I'm staying at my sister's house if you want to call me, and know the number....

Note to self:

In the future, before you sit down to grade a whole bunch of exams, talk to your sister, play on the computer and have a 2 hour nap, take the vegetables out of the oven.
I have mad cooking skillz.

Well its a dirty job but someone's gotta do it

I just finished my last paper for the semester.
Now I don't know what to do. I am off house/dogsitting from tonight, so perhaps I will pack a bag and cook some food to take......
Then of course there is this stack of 40 final papers that need grading before I get on a plane on Monday to go home. Hmmmm.

Talked to the boy last night, he's still in Italy, going to India tomorrow if the standby gods be smiling upon him. I've decided that writing the Boy From Texas is a bit too much effort for blogging.... seeing as how I am in this whole half-arsed blogging phase. I must come up with a shorter nickname for him.... or I could just provide the initials of the nickname he already has!!!

Ok, really not going anywhere with this post am I?

Live updates from the front

This morning, Chilean time, murderer, dictator and general bad egg Augusto Pinochet was recalled to the fiery pits of hell from whence he came.

In response to this news, Chileans flooded the streets of Santiago in mass celebrations and to protest the fact he was never made accountable for his actions. Additionally, there are still several Chileans who believe he saved their country from the scourge of Marxism, and despite the fact he was responsible for the deaths of over 3,000 people, have taken to the streets in mourning.
My point? The streets of Santiago are flooded with protests, marches and vigils.

So, guess where my sister is?

Yep. Landed in Santiago this morning. Is currently in the middle of an anti-Pinochet protest downtown. I just received an IM from her boyfriend, telling me that apparently shes getting some really good photos. I'm waiting for the IM saying shes been arrested/hit with tear gas/deported etc.
Ah, isn't life interesting?

My friend Liberty reaches down and kisses me

1 down, 38 to go.
After he left I put his t-shirt on, the one I nicked a few days ago, and wore it the whole day. Now its a bit stinky, so its in the wash and I'm back to wearing my own clothes. Good news for those around me.
I had a pity party last night, where I sat in my jammies and his t-shirt and drank red wine and watched 3 episodes of Battlestar Galactica (am up to "Unfinished Business" now) and felt all sorry for myself, until I realised that I was being a pathetic loser. So I went to bed and slept for 10 hours....LUXURY!!
So now I've got 2 10 page papers to write before Monday, and 18 more pages of another paper to finish by Thursday, then 40 odd final exams to grade and a bunch of Xmas presents to buy and a bag to pack and in a week on Monday I'm leaving.....on a jet plane..... and coming back in January.

This post brought to you by Procrastination Inc.

I need your grace to remind me to find my own

Best boyfriend ever update: He's madly busy, what with leaving for India on Friday and finishing up a semester's worth of work and all, but still managed to find time to come over briefly tonight so say hello and give me my Christmas present.

Sigh...... I am the luckiest girl in all of New York.

We will return to our regularly scheduled bitter rants at a later date.

Kinda kinda like I'm in love!!!!

So.... the doorbell rang about 6pm yesterday, it was my friend the UPS guy, with my new computer. I was so excited I actually jumped up and clapped and squealed a little, he had a wee laugh at my silliness and said "Its always nice to make someone's day". Dude's lucky I didn't kiss him.
Anyway, I am officially in love with my new toy, I spent the evening playing with it, installing stuff, making out with it etc. When I was setting it up my friends were over and we were watching Wallace and Gromit... so the installation popped up with "you need to name this computer". Imaginatively enough, my last one was called Claire..... so this one is called Gromit.

Meet Gromit, sitting on top of the old computer, to indicate its complete smallness and cuteness, and total superiority. Toshiba getting pwned.

Further indication of said smallness and cuteness. CD and pen added to indicate scale.

Wallace and the other Gromit.

In other news, please go and say Happy Burpday to Miss Grace.

I have photos of the awesomeness of NYC and the ugliness of NJ, but right now I have to do my washing so you will have to wait. Bask in my computer's awesomeness while you do so.

This post brought to you by the number three....

Because 3 is the total hours of sleep I have had each night for the last two nights. It is also the number of states I got to snog a lovely boy in yesterday, the number of cups of tea I had in Manhattan, the amount of hours I have been watching television for, the glasses of wine it takes to get me drunk after so little sleep, the number of classes I had today, the number of papers I have yet to write before the semester is over, and the number of minutes until I will be sound asleep in my bed.

If you thought I'd take your hurt away I'm sorry

1.53am.... not long now.
Because I am the Best GF Ever (tm) I am off to the Big City in a little over one hour. Yes, the Boy from Texas is off to India Friday week, and needs to get his visa. So, we're leaving at 3am to drive to NJ, park the car somewhere and take the tube to NYC (cos driving in Manhattan is about as much fun as a tumour) to get to the Indian Consulate at 8.15am, which is when they start accepting applications. At which point we will find ourselves a nice cafe (I'm shooting for the one at the Central Park zoo; they have nice hot chocolate and on study breaks I can go visit the penguins) where we will spend the day studying/doing homework/grading papers etc until (hopefully) the visa is ready to be picked up about 4pm. Then its back on the train, back to the car, and back to this armpit town. Fun times.

Hahaha, I think its dead funny that I'm going with my Indian bf to the Indian embassy.... but he's not Indian Indian, hes the other type of Indian. Ok maybe that's just funny to me.

Its better to die on your feet than live on your knees

I have approximately a gajillion (read: 32) essays to grade before the end of Wednesday and a paper to rewrite and resubmit so what did I do this evening? I wasted time on the intertron, I drank 2 glasses of fairly average red wine, I graded 2 papers, I talked to the bf who came over for a wee visit (sigh) and I watched Heroes. In my own defence, I actually saved time watching Heroes, because I had recorded it and could therefore fast forward through the ads. Holy shit....Niki?!?! Jessica?!?! Haha, Ben you will love this. Get downloading! Next week is the last one until January. Heroes is the shiznit.

I was having all sorts of ridiculous thoughts in my head (as opposed to the thoughts one gets in one's elbow.....) about the Boy from Texas and about how it was this and that and the other thing and then he came over today and I saw him and went SIGH and gave him a big snog and then we had a conversation about our mums and how cool they are (true story) and I realised that most of the time I need to not listen to the shit that my brain comes up with and just trust in This Thing because It Is Good and I'm convinced if I ignore my ridiculous residual psychological defences for long enough they will give up and go and live with someone who appreciates them because I am sick of all that shit about insecurity and stuff and things, and what is best is to just have A Little Faith and not be Miss Overanalysis and continue to wait for the other shoe to drop or whatever it is that drops when they show their true colours and leave or smash you into little pieces or hurt you in ways you can't describe in a family-friendly forum such as this and to appreciate the present and not compare it to stuff that isn't real or that happened years ago because if you do what you've always done you will get what you've always got which is why I am being so cautious and angsty about this despite the fact he is so easy to be around it is almost like I am alone when hes here which sounds a bit like an insult but is in fact one of the highest compliments I can think of to describe being around someone anyway we had a lovely conversation and then he went home to do a thing and now its late and I have to grade more papers.

Longest. Sentence. Ever.

Kitty cat lovin'

Yeah, he's cute, but he keeps trying to make out with me. Kind of gross, Finnegan.
Also its difficult to study when theres a cat sitting on your desk licking his bum. Again, kind of gross, Finnegan.






Last night's jukebox styles c/o yours truly:

1) Steve Earle; "Copperhead Road"
2) Melissa Etheridge; "I'm the only one"
3) Eminem; "Lose Yourself"
4) Sepultura; "Ratamahatta"
5) Poison; "Every Rose has its Thorns"

The pub was rocking.

Look out Turkeys!!!

Its Thanksgiving here in Amurica, so I'm cooking a pavlova, in keeping with my tradition of adding the Kiwi touch to everything.
Going to hang with some of the people who invented Thanksgiving, then off to a holiday orphans dinner to eat ourselves senseless.
Oh shit, I just employed the plural in reference to myself. Either I'm the Queen of England, or one of those annoying people who identifies themselves by reference to their relationship. Hmmmm.

Also, ordered a new computer. This one is back from the shop, in the same way that terminal cancer patients are sent home to spend their last remaining days with their loved ones.

Ok bye.

Snafubar

Ok so we knew this day was coming..... my little blue friend is one very sick wee laptop.
I am writing this on my neighbour's computer, because mine is in the shop, awaiting the possibility of a terminal verdict.
First, it was the hard drive that was dodgy, then the battery was a bit shite, but eventually it was the plug at the back that conked out. I took it to a nice man at the repair shop, who will hopefully stick a bandaid on it so it will last until the end of the semester (one month baby!!!) but if not, I will be taking that night job at the strip club to afford another computer.

So, please excuse me if I do not blog or IM or email very much in the next week or so....
I am at the mercy of other people's computers. If you miss me too much, you will have to go old skool and call me on the phone. Or, get over it.

ttfn.

There's a light at each end of the tunnel you shout, cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out

Dear Blog,

Its 1.30am and I've been working on my paper that's due on Thursday for about an hour and a half, maybe a little more. I am starting to get a little stressed that I am not working efficiently, but I really can't think of another way to do it than the way I am. I have the most ridiculous amount of information, and I must condense it, along with some substantial analysis and application of theory, into about 25 pages of awesome. Oh fuck.... thats quite a lot really. Shite.

But anyway, I haven't been working on it nearly as much as I could have been, because I am Bad. I can feel an all-nighter in my near future.... and possibly a wee dip in my GPA.
Hell, its lucky that there is more to life than school!!
No, really there is. I read it in a book once.

And then I had loads of stuff in my head I was going to get out and into blog format but now its all gone because I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror and I don't look like me so now I'm going to bed so that hopefully when I wake up in the morning I will look like me again and if not me then someone equally as cool haha good luck with that.

So goodnight blog, we will talk soon.
Love Claire

PS I am falling falling falling in the best way imaginable

Save a horse, ride a cowboy

I’m writing this in word (oh the humanity!) because Blogger is having some Issues. Something about authority. Anyhoo.

I’ve been a slack little Blogger recently, I know. Also, I’m about to get a lot slacker, what with the gajillion papers I must write in the next five (count ‘em onetwothreefourfive) weeks.

Thursday: democratization paper due, student’s essays submitted, two weeks to grade them.
Continuing: negotiation exercise, and associated papers to write/news to keep up with etc.
December 3^rd: final negotiation meeting.
December 4^th: negotiation test.
December 7^th: journal of notes on 7 books due. Note to self: read the seven books before then.
December 8^th: Boy from Texas goes to India for a month.
December 12^th: student’s final exam, grading begins (6 days to complete)
December 18^th: final negotiation paper due. Fly home. Sleep.

There’s a change in the air. Maybe it’s the weather, maybe it’s the Boy from Texas, who knows. I can’t put my finger on it, but its on the way. Ah, maybe its just the work.....

Election Day 2006

To my American friends, colleagues, professors, students, lovers, cohorts, drinking buddies, nemeses, shopkeepers, landlords, acquaintances and passers-by on the street.

Please vote the bastards out.

Thanks.
Love Claire

PS I live here, I have to abide by the rules, I pay taxes, I think I should get to vote. So there.

Rosemary, heaven restores you in life

News:
- I bought Snow Patrol's most recent album, and it is good.
- Borat = very funny.
- I have a new external hard drive, and perhaps just in time because with each passing day my computer gets sicker and sicker.
- I don't think he knows that I know about his myspace page but I need to find a way to broach the subject cos his status on it still says 'single' and we have fairly well established the fact that we are doing this relationship thing and ohmigod all of a sudden I am fourteen but seriously how does one casually drop that into conversation?
- I have done precisely Fuck All work this weekend, which is generally not a good thing because I have approximately a Gigantic Shit Load to be done in the next six weeks.
- Today I baked muffins and made soup because I am a domestic goddess suck on that Nigella Lawson.

Ok going to angst for a bit now.

I noticed tonight that the world has been turning

What if I was to write a blog about the thoughts that are going through my mind now?
About the last few days, about how we have been getting closer and closer, about the things he whispers in my ear as he holds me at night, about the feel of his rough brown hands on my soft white skin, about his long black hair that I run my hands through, about the weight of him sleeping next to me?

But that might be a little too much for this forum, so I shan't.

Instead I shall ask for recommendations about my imminent new laptop purchase, for when my Little Blue Friend (tm) finally kicks it.
I am considering a Dell XPS M1210. Any ideas, people?

Just call me angel of the morning baby...

Thanks for coming!

Reasons why its good to be me

1) am going to the airport in about 20 minutes to collect my favourite blogger
2) The Boy From Texas got us tickets for Bill Cosby
3) the half glass of red wine sitting on my desk next to the keyboard
4) we beat Pakistan by 51 runs
5) I'm having a party on Saturday night
6) Eighties dance night tomorrow
7) I have no more classes until Monday
8) This town doesn't suck as much as I make out it does
9) I have only 15 midterms left to grade
10) My Politics of the Developing World class today was awesome.

and really..... what more do you need?

The internet is for pr0n......

Sri Lanka are playing South Africa in Ahmedabad and the internet stream I am attempting to watch the match on keeps misbehaving and going all wobbly and gurgly and I get about 2 seconds of video per minute before the thing keeps buffering again and then the sound goes all funny and I can't make out what the announcers are saying and its very frustrating because the outcome of this match is very important to me because we loves the cricket and Sri Lanka are about to get hit by Makhaya Ntini which is always good to watch and watching cricket online sure as shit beats the hell out of grading this pile of midterms I have here......

I worry….

That I will say or do something to scare him away that I will repeat the same mistakes I’ve made before despite my efforts to the contrary that nobody takes legitimate concerns about global warming seriously that I will slip up and let my desperate insecurities show that he needs someone more like him that the worlds we come from are just too different that I am too loud too aggressive that I won’t get my students’ midterms graded by Wednesday that he just wants to be friends that he will find out I worry about this stuff at this stage that my computer will conk out before I buy an external hard drive that I’m not smart enough not pretty enough not thin enough not virtuous enough too crazy for him too needy for him too white for him too intense for him too different from him that the effect he says I have on him will be gone when he returns that my head will explode from all this angst that we will lose against Pakistan next week and be out of the Champions Trophy that he won’t call me

/ end angst /

I have a new appreciation of all things Texan

Not going to hex it or betray a confidence by blogging about it.... suffice to say my stomach has been doing many little flip-flops in the last few days... some things are best left un-blogged.

Also, bring on next Saturday, when the Halloween Party to end all Halloween parties is being hosted by yours truly (and three flatmates and the downstairs neighbours too....), and featuring a Special Guest from the West Coast.

I've said it before and I'll say it again..... booya.

I'm not procrastinating.....

Holy crap the Windies just SPANKED Australia, they won by 10 runs, and even managed to score a hat-trick. Jerome Taylor is apparently the first West Indian cricketer EVER to get a hat-trick, and hes only 22 or something.... anyway having Brett Lee go out for a duck was worth its weight in gold..... Right now I would give my first born to be in India. If only I had a first born....
Yesterday Pakistan beat Sri Lanka in Jaipur, the day before we managed to kick South Africa like the little bitches they are.... and even India managed to beat England by 4 wickets. Ah, everything is right with the world again....

Also, I have 5 hours left to finish my paper.... luckily theres no more cricket until tomorrow.....
NZ vs. Sri Lanka at Bombay. Bring it!!!

Young man, control in your hand, slam your fist in the table and make your demands

Also, possibly, likely due to my complete flabbergastedness over the whole thing, I totally forgot to mention the concert I am going to on Wednesday night.....

MATISYAHU!!!!!!

The only catch being, of course, that I have less than 24 hours to write a 12 page paper, the likes of which I have never written before because life just likes to throw interesting things at me like a negotiation methods course that turns into a full on international negotiation simulation, complete with full official-type negotiating instructions.....

But hey, MATISYAHU!!!!!
Booya.

Claire to Brain: WOULD YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP I'M TRYING TO WRITE A PAPER BEFORE TOMORROW EVENING!!! STOP MAKING SHIT UP AND JUST FOCUS!!!
Brain to Claire: Mwahahahaha!!!!!!

You give me miles and miles of mountains and I'll ask for the sea

I can't be completely certain that its a real actual 'date' date, but I'm fairly sure that I just got asked out.
By a real live grown up adult male.
And no, he is not is retarded, blind, deaf or otherwise 'differently abled'.

Time will tell......

Also, we TOTALLY KICKED South Africa this morning in Bombay, which is fairly impressive, given that we were all out for 195 after 45 overs.
Ah, such is the joy of cricket.....

Look out look from over the rooftops

Saturday night, off to a party up the road, at which I will stand around and drink beer and talk to possibly interesting people, probably no nice boys though.
Last night my friend got me drunk, he paid for every single one of my drinks at the pub and it was lovely.

My hair is the colour of manuka honey.

When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am

Hello today I slept for about 6 hours then I gave my students a midterm and read while they sat their exam then I went to class and learned about postcolonial disources of historicisation and circular vs linear concpets of time then I went to another class and learned about cultural factors in democratisation and the limitations of pure modernist theory in terms of economic development then I came home and talked to my favourite blogger and had a wee lie down and ate some mashed potatoes made from potatoes not from a packet cos thats the way I roll then I went to quiz night and had some beer and we would have won had the rest of my team listened to me about Lenny Bruce but we came 4th anyway and it was good and then I watched CSI and K-Fed is a loser and then I watched ER and Dr Kovac is beautiful and then I wasted all sorts of time on the internets reading shit and then I wrote a blog and went to bed the end ok bye.

And I wonder if truly you are really as beautiful as I believe

Apparently, in Southern Chile there is a dearth of food that doesn't suck. I wouldn't know, I've never been. However, word on the street is.....

The point being, I have just packaged up the Mega Package (tm) for my sister who lives there, and who happens to be having a birthday very soon, which includes
- Thai green curry paste
- two packets of chocolate biscuits
- 1 jar of peanut butter
- garam masala
- red curry powder (extra hot)
- madras spice mix
- a whole lot of bubble wrap.

And its true, doing nice things for people DOES make you happy!!!!

*Warning!!! BSG Spoiler Blog!!! Warning*

Much to my delight, the premiere episode of BSG last week turned out to be TWO episodes!!! I was so excited I did the dance of joy, right there on the couch at my friend's house!!!

But given that I have class soon, and must finish the readings for class and eat lunch before then, here we have the brief version of the ways in which BSG is still all that and a packet of chips.

Starbuck: so awesome its not funny, but possibly a bit off her rocker.
Apollo: FAT!!!!!
Admiral Adama: rocking the 'stache.
Colonel Tigh: gone completely off his rocker.
Ellen Tigh: the Town Bike.
Galactica Boomer (previously known as Caprica Boomer): married Helo.
New Caprica Boomer (previously known as Galactica Boomer before she shot Adama and got shot by Callie and downloaded into a new body): getting all sympathising with the humans
Helo: Galactica XO, even hotter than before. Quite possibly the uniform.
Chief Tyrol: hairy. Has a cute baby.
Callie: also has a baby. In fact, the same one. Is currently frolicking through the woods, and by frolicking I of course mean running for her dear life from the nasty Cylons.
Anders: has a nice new "I married Starbuck" tattoo.
Gaeta: Baltar's bitch, but also not.
Dualla: Mrs Apollo, but apparently the fat isn't contagious. Also possibly Pegasus XO.
Kat: Galactica CAG.
Number 6: still a saucy minx. Is now BFF with New Caprica Boomer.
Roslin: manages to be classy and staunch while in a Cylon prison with no shoes.
Leoben: trying to get Starbuck to fall in love with him by keeping her prisoner. Needless to say, she keeps killing him.
Cavil: Makes quotation marks in the air with his fingers whenever he talks about "God".
Aaron: Wanker.
D'Anna (now mostly known as Number 3): has great hair, still talks like the good Kiwi girl she is, likes killing people.
Baltar: President, drunk, wasted, likes hookers, is still cowardly and in love with Number 6.

Ummm.... I think thats all.
Ok bye.

Too hot for you!!!!
And soon to take on Small Town, USA.
Oh my.

Edit: I just randomly clicked on some archives, and have decided that my blog used to be more interesting than it is now.
Hang on, my life used to be a lot more interesting than it is now..... perhaps there's a connection.....*wanders off, looking thoughtful*

Better late than never

Blonde Claire
Love that flattering bathroom mirror light.....

Bang bang bang BOOM!!!!

Holy bang bang Batman, there is one hell of a fireworks display going on right now at the university. One of the doors in my house is shaking, the street lights up periodically, and there is some seriously loud noises resounding through the living room.

Note: I do not, in any way, live right next to the university where this cacophony is taking place, its about a 20 minute walk.

Perhaps it will wake the residents of the crackhouse a few blocks over from their drug induced slumber.

I know this much is true....

My girl Sarah is All That And A Packet Of Chips (tm). I was feeling a little emotionally fragile etc today so I called her and unbeknownst to either of us we were listening to the same cd at the same time, and both having similar potentially PMSing type days and feeling vulnerable etc even though we are on opposite ends of the world so we had a grand old chat and she said "love you longtime" and then everything was better.

Friday nights at home spent watching telly and playing on the intertron and cooking for your friend who stopped by briefly to borrow a computer powercord from your flatmate and ended up staying for nearly 3 hours are a lot more appealing than they used to be. I wonder if it is a sign of age or maturity that going out into town on a Friday night and consuming large amounts of booze now seems like far more like something to be endured than something to be enjoyed.

Its really only two months until I go home again which is awesome because its so soon, but also scary because I have to save up a rather large amount of money from now until then so I can get back here and there is an insane amount of work that must be done before then so I had best get moving on it.

If I were to travel almost exactly due south from here for ten thousand, six hundred and seventy kilometres, I would arrive in the city my sister lives in (I would have to travel ever so slightly east or would end up in the ocean off the west coast of Estrecho de Magallenes. And I don't fancy that).

In three weeks I will have a Special Visitor staying here for the weekend and that makes me happy. I may even do the Dance of Joy((tm) (c) Joss Whedon 2004).

I am a ginge no longer. After many hours of faffing about with hair products etc and far too much money spent on said products, I am now officially blonde. Photos will follow soon, I just have to let my hair recover from the torture it received in the blonding process.

Its been a hundred years at least, but the Manic Street Preachers track "Motorcycle Emptiness" is still fucking awesome.

Ok thats about all the truth you can handle for now.

Makes no sense at all....

I'm doing it again.
Its 12.45am, and I'm still at the computer, having finally finished all my work for the evening, admittedly some of that work was done while eating my dinner and watching Lost and CSI NY (for God's sakes Danny would you just plant one on her!!!) ...anyway.
What was my point?
Its late, I should be in bed, I have classes tomorrow for seven and a half hours straight, yet all I want to do is play on the internerds!

Have you heard of fanfiction.net? Its spooky stuff, yet oddly engrossing. People spend hours of their lives writing fiction about fictional characters they didn't create, its all a bit new for me.

Today my flatmate of last year defended her dissertation and got a full pass with distinction: ie the best mark one can get, not a single rewrite to be done, thats all she wrote, goodnight and good luck take care now bye bye.
She's very clever.
Got me thinking though, I should perhaps be spending more time building up a portfolio of work.... dissertation proposal, articles to be published etc. I have many ideas floating around in my head, and a few more scribbled on random pieces of paper all over the place. Surely I can squeeze in a few hours to turn one of them into a few thousand words of publishable quality? Maybe if I spent less time fannying about on the internet......
I have many things to say about the world and what needs fixing, and all the things people should be paying attention to. Its just the effort.....oh lord the effort.

Which is ridiculous because when I actually get up off my fat arse and make an effort and do something I am so chuffed with the results and Actually Having Achieved Something I think to myself "hey Claire, that was awesome, you should do that more" and then I get all distracted by the shiny pretty things like the telly and the books and the sleep.........
Mmmm, the sleep.

Also, its entirely possible that today, in the absence of anyone else who lives here having a say, I decided that we would be having a Halloween party, and even maybe featuring Special Guests.

Ok this post sucks, I'm going to bed. Soon.

On this day, 42 years ago......

Happy birthday Clive. Phwoar.

Because a change is apparently as good as a holiday....

Here I present to you....The Before Shot.
Updates as they come to hand.

Dorky McDorkster of Dorksville, New York

Last night, in a flash of brilliance, I decided upon my Halloween costume.
Now I have a month to lose about 35 pounds....she says, while munching on a delicious lunch of paneer and pilau....

Sunday all of my demons rest....






Felix is Lord of All He Doth Survey, while Cat Dooku likes to help me read my methods homework and look cute.

Two things*....

Firstly, I can't go to Toronto this weekend thanks to circumstance, finance and some other ances.
Poos and wease, but hey. We have survived far worse things than this, although the prospect of a dodgeball tournament is rather appealing.
The plus side is however, that my beloved Holly is going away for the weekend so I will be looking after Felix and Cat Dooku the mega-kitties, so cute kitty photos will likely appear in the near future.

Secondly, yesterday I bought quite possibly the coolest sheet of stamps EVER!!, as you can probably see.

Thirdly, I am still in my jammies at 3.30pm.

* And by two I of course mean three

Driving away from the wreck of the day and the lights always red in the rear view

I have just watched the final of Grey's Anatomy yes I know its old news but its the only chance I've had to see it. And when I say "just" I mean it finished 40 minutes ago, and I still can't get a hold of myself.
I knew what was going to happen and I had prepared myself for it, but this was a whole unexpected level of effect, it hit me far below the standard sad television finale level, this one hit me way deep in levels I haven't been to for a long time, deep dark parts of my brain where my childhood memories reside and where I keep the knowledge of the names of colours and down deep in my emotional core do you want to call it my heart? Where I remember what it was like to finally kiss the man I was in love with when I was 23 and where I keep the smell of my baby niece's hair and the sound of my four-years-gone dog's bark.
I have spent the twenty minutes in the shower, sitting on the floor hugging my knees and sobbing, letting the water wash over me in the hope it will in some way pull me together but that didn't work and so I tried to figure out why it was that I was so affected by a TV programme, whose ending I already knew.

I miss human touch.
I hate to stand in queues because I feel the people in front and behind me are imposing on my personal space, and I have been known to shout at people in bars who touch me, even when the bar is full. I hate being touched, in short. I am very protective of my personal space and get VERY antsy when its invaded.

Yet still, the more I think about it, the one thing I absolutely crave is the touch of someone who loves me.
I'm not talking about sex necessarily, I am so accustomed to living without that I think that part of my brain has ceased to work. What I mean is simple human contact with people who love me. A hug from my Dad, one of the kids sitting on my knee, the way my mum will always try to fix my permanently messy hair. When I'm at home I don't really notice my single status, but in the last couple of weeks I've really noticed it.
When I was away in the cabin last weekend, my friend was there with his girlfriend. While we were sitting around the fire after dinner, she had her foot sitting on his knee, and he was absentmindedly playing with it.
When I saw it, I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach.

I think it was a similar thing that hit me about Grey's Anatomy tonight. Izzy and Denny to be specific. She loved him, he loved her, it was simple and true and she potentially sacrified her career to save his life, and then he died. I can see the image in my head, of Izzy in her pink frock lying on the bed with Denny, and it sets me off again.
Maybe I'm lonely, I don't know. I always thought I had moved beyond that, at my age one would hope that I had, but perhaps I was wrong.
Perhaps I am so deeply affected by a television programme because I am desperately in need of some human company beyond school.
Perhaps I need to be discussing this over martinis with my girlfriends instead of in a blog.
But right now all I can say is that I would give almost anything to wake up to someone who loves me.

I shouldn't have to post a warning here, the fact that I am putting these uncharacteristically honest words out there should be sufficient caution to not make smart arsed comments about offering to shag me or accusations of being emo or the fact its just a freaking television programme.
The words are out of my head now and so I can sleep. Thats all I hoped for.

AAARRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!

News just to hand: television is evil.
Tonight at 10pm is last season's finale of Grey's Anatomy on ABC. The season finale that I didn't see here because I was in NZ, and didn't see in NZ because it played the week after I got back here.
AT THE SAME TIME on CBS is the new season premiere of CSI: NY, which I am not ashamed to say, I freaking love.

Now a normal person would record one and watch the other, right? But given that I don't have any of this poncy flash tivo nonsense, in fact I barely have a functioning television, I am unable to do that.

fuckarseshitcuntybollockstitwankfuckityfucksticksbuggeration.

I would be so screwed if I ever had to make a real decision in my life.

You wanna win a war? Like PLO don't surrender

In a display of utter geekery, Claire reveals concern that one of her professors doesn't think shes all that and a packet of crisps.

IT WORRIES ME, OKAY!!!!

We all go on about how we couldn't give a flying fuck if some cunt we don't care about doesn't like us, but I want all my profs to love me! Its important that they love me, because when it comes to marking my work, and its late at night, and they have already graded ten papers, and they get to mine, I don't want them to think "Ah, fuck her, shes loud and annoying and I'm tired and bored she can have a B-" I want them to think "Oh, she's so funny and clever and cute, heres an A".
Note: yes I am aware that I have to do work of an appreciable standard to get the As. I want the love too.

AND THEN...... instead of doing the readings for Thursday's class in keeping with the aforementioned appreciable standard of work, Claire settles back in her chair to watch Battlestar Galactica.

Put your clock back for the winter...

POST NUMBER 500 MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!


And so to celebrate, here is me with horns. This pic is weird because I undid the red-eye thing and it made my eyes go strange they're actually blue but you can't tell from that picture I had to share that with you because I am so vain.
We are also celebrating something else today: the fact that I didn't get eaten by bears in the woods. Yippee.

Ithaca is SO much nicer than this shithole town, so I think I might move there.

Dear Cornell University
Your town is so much nicer than Syracuse, I would like to live there in one of those cute little houses up on the hill. Therefore, please give me a scholarship equivalent to the one I have now, although about 50% more would be nice too. I promise to work really hard and be a very good student and not shag any professors.
Cheers.
Smoochies, Claire

We went to a cabin about 20 minutes south of Ithaca, built by a former Zoology professor, who evidently rejoiced in the glory of his chosen field by shooting animals and putting their heads up on the wall. It was a very lovely room of death. Much fun was had however, despite the all pervading stench of gratuitious death.

Ok so I think I will go to Toronto next weekend for Blodgeball because I am a gigantic dork and don't have any real life friends outside of the internets also, way to get out of the US at the first available opportunity I love Canada I know they don't play cricket but they're still like one of us because they have the Queen on their money also I have visions of snogging a mountie.
Also, the idea of hitting people with balls appeals to me greatly. Maybe I should take a bag of wrenches for practice?
All I need now is a ride there and a place to stay.

Go craigslist

Look out bears

Going to get in a car in half an hour and go to a cabin in the mountains for the night to get eaten by bears.
A bunch of students in the mountains overnight....sounds like the perfect setting for a horror film.

Play nicely while I'm gone.

Don't you just hate it when....

....you're sitting in class talking about something completely un-sexy and all of a sudden out of the blue all random styles have I emphasised the unexpectedness of it all sufficiently a really filthy thought crosses your mind and while it does surprise you somewhat especially with the previously emphasised random nature of it its also kind of a nice surprise cos you've got all these lovely filthy thoughts swimming around in your head and they make you feel all delicious and dirty in a good way but you also have to deal with the fact that these thoughts have about twenty seconds to get the fuck out of your head because you have to talk sensibly and informedly about stuff that is about as unsexy as a really unsexy thing and its late and I can't think of a sufficiently unsexy thing that does justice to the unsexiness of the subject matter without casting aspersions upon the inherent value of discussing said subject matter anyway my point is don't you hate it when these things jump into your head at just the wrong moment and you have to focus on something else completely when what would be really nice is to be left alone with your lovely thoughts but maybe thats the point life as I continue to find never ceases to be interesting what with its random thoughts and all the other stuff ok going to watch dvds now goodnight.

ps maybe i will go to Toronto next weekend....

Flick Her

I have a Flickr account. I have yet to put a link on this here blog, or figure out all the flash bloggy flickry stuff that goes with it, but I'm sure you can figure out. Just search Flickr for people with the same name as me. My first two names, anyway.

Ok time for bed.
Smoochies.

Local boy, neighbourhood, easy as the breeze in springtime, he don't talk too much. When he does the whole room gets luminous

I have just had a moment of sheer brilliance!!.....actually its a fairly average idea, but any idea after midnight that is neither drink nor drug fuelled is a rarity.

I am doing a course on politics of the developing world, and its really interesting, and the major requirement is a final research/reflection paper, focusing on a particular paradigm or concept that we have discussed in class. Paradigms and concepts to be discussed include modernity, colonialism, post-colonialism, Westernisation, development, development as Westernisation, political economies of development and globalisation, and the import and export of political models.

Soooo....here is my idea. Seeing as how I will be reading all this really interesting stuff, and get to choose the topic for my final paper, and will have to write it anyway....

HELLO DISSERTATION PROPOSAL!!!!!!

Is that allowed? *crosses fingers*

"Smell is a potent wizard that transports across thousands of miles and all the years we have lived"

There is something stinky in my room.
No Tim, its not my feet.
Unless my feet all of a sudden smell like a mixture of red curry powder, cumin, cayenne, nutmeg, garam marsala and possibly star anise, that have been dryfried and left a little bit too long in the pan.
Its one of those annoying smells that tickles the back of one's throat, and is really starting to do my loaf.

So, now I am about to turn my room upside town in an attempt to find it, and destroy!!!
Updates likely to follow.

"Fortune vomits on my eiderdown once more"

Dreadful news!!!!
There has been a tragic death in the family!!!!

I got a rather upsetting text from my sister last night which delivered the bad news..... after many years of faithful service and despite the best in medical attention, my sister's cretaceous-era desktop computer has finally died.

Gone the way of the dodo.
Deader than a dead thing two weeks after the funeral.
Partying beyond the Pearly Gates with Dudley Moore and Allen Ginsberg.
Exhibiting as much life as the front row of a Genesis concert.
Ceased to be.
Expired and gone to meet its maker.
Kicked the bucket, shuffled off its mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible.
Bereft of life, it rests in piece....

Ok so its only a computer, but thanks to the wonders of Skype it was also the easiest way to talk to her and her kids, plus talking computer to computer is free, and given that I am as poor as a church mouse whose just received a huge tax bill the day after his wife ran off with another mouse and took all the cheese....(heehee three guesses as to what I've been watching), free stuff is about all thats within my budget.

So we say PANTS to that, and cross our fingers that some nice person will buy my lovely sister a lovely new computer very soon.

P.S. Little Miss Sunshine is freaking awesome and thoroughly gorgeous and we loves it so the three of you who have yet to see it GO NOW!!!
P.P.S Oh what a lot of links.

SNOOCHIES!!!!!

I am so fucking tired, I can't understand it.
For the last few days I've had this ouchie type pain on my right side, and my nurse-in-training flatmate says there is a big ol' muscle that goes from beneath one's shoulderblades round the ribcage kind of area, sort of holds everything together as it were. Anyway, this ouchie pain in my side is probably a muscle type thing, and in lieu of a deep tissue massage, I had a muscle relaxant.
Not that I normally have serious dopey type drugs hanging around the house but, I got these from the doc last year cos of back pain from being wonky and all, and HOLY FLOPPY BUNNY EARS BATMAN they do tend to knock one out a little.
And now its 6.44pm and I still feel all dozy.
Is this what relaxed people feel like all the time? All weird and....floppy.

And, the other news is that we have been preliminary, albeit grudging, landlord approval for our adoption plans.

Ok bye.

ShitFuckArseTwatBollocksTitWankCuntyPissBuggeryFucksticks

Is currently 11.06pm.
In 12 hours I need to be in class for an hour and a half, followed by three hours of class, followed by 3 hours of class.

I haven't done readings for class #1, but its ok cos I'm the TA and have 3 degrees and a graduate diploma so am well experienced in Making Shit Up.

In class #2 I am doing a 25 minute presentation on metageographical concepts as discourses of power. So far I have done the reading and written 3 pages of wank that I plan on delivering, peppered with anecdotes about how I am awesome.

Class #3 requires one to submit notes on the readings "the day before" class. That would mean today. I am thus far operating on the standard "If I haven't been to bed then its still the same day" m.o.
The readings, incidentally, are 232 pages of democratic theory, 14 pages of something I haven't read yet, and 17 pages of something else I haven't read either, although the latter is by Dahl, and in my experience he repeats himself a lot, so maybe I can get it down to 3 or 4 pages.

And so why am I blogging about it instead of sucking it up and doing the work?
Ummm.....

A happy day for crocodiles everywhere....

Steve Irwin the Crocodile Hunter is dead

All those years chasing crocs, and he gets done in by a stingray.....poor bastard.
RIP Crocodile Hunter.

My Dad is convinced crocs the world over will be mightily pissed off they didn't get the last word in but....