This is what happens when you don't have a day off for six weeks.

Yours truly, looking particularly nice, en route to Wanaka.
Spa type goodness to follow.

Bloggy McBlog of Blogville, Blogland.

Now there's no need to be silly.

One of my students just came to see me, to talk about the essay questions I set for this paper I'm teaching. Fair enough. He had a perfectly valid question, but I was having immense difficulty answering it, not because I didn't know what I was on about (HA! like that ever happens!) but because he had the most beautiful eyes I've seen in years. Since the Russian dumped me. (bastard) (he had such pretty eyes...)
They were a lovely chocolatey brown, really kind eyes, and he had the longest thickest eyelashes I have ever seen on a man who wasn't in drag. They were just breathtaking. So I'm trying to explain to him about the principles of Athenian democracy and the ways in which MMP attempts to address the impractibility of participatory democracy in the modern world (am loving political theory at the moment, by the way) by creating a more comprehensive system of representation, and all the while suppressing the urge to stare into those lovely eyes.
*Swoons in manner of Mills and Boon character or similar*
What really made it interesting was the fact that I had been reading Ciavarro's blog, so the page was up there for Lovely Eyes boy to read all about porking Oprah. I saw him looking at it.

I have been getting a few strange requests as well. One student has just emailed me to ask for an extension for the essay which is due this coming Monday, on the grounds that he's only been in the course since the second week, and only found out the questions two days ago. Apparently the fact that the questions have been available via the course handout, the secretary's office and the website is inconsequential to his request. Needless to say, said request was greeted with a resounding "Are you fucking kidding me you complete knob-rash do I look like I give a flying fuck about your inability to distinguish your arse from your elbow, let alone find out the requirements for an essay, the due date and essay questions for which have been publicly available for a month?"
There's really no helping some people.

Am going to Wanaka tomorrow, so I may be absent for a while.
Don't cry, I'll be back.
Unless I manage to dissolve myself in the spa.

Did I mention the spa?....

Also Chad, once you've managed to drag yourself away from Worlds End and back to the Dead Centre, please let me know your blog address, cos I lost it when I changed templates. Either do the comment thing, or email it to clairenz@gmail.com
Spank you very much.

Right then. Who wants to buy a car?

Cos this sexy little beastie is most decidedly for sale.
Go on, I know you want it. It goes really fast. I've the demerit points on my licence to prove it. In other news however, I have been sitting here in my office for over an hour now, and guess how much work I've done?
FUCKING NONE!!!!
Oh yeah.

I had my last lecture this morning, and am Having A Break.

I've been working on lectures and assorted other things until 11 every night, and then getting really crap sleep cos I'm stressed, then getting up horribly early to do the same thing over again. Despite all my good intentions to take things easy before I left, I haven't had a day off for over six weeks. Theres some very good news about that though. I have one tutorial to take this afternoon, and one tomorrow morning, then I'm done and on Friday I'm going to Wanaka to sit in the spa, kick some Trivial Pursuit arse, walk up some mountains, sit in the spa some more, drink some chardonnay, sleep lots, and read. And sit in the spa. Perhaps I mentioned the spa once or twice?

We have a spa. Its on the front deck of the house, and its got a wee shelf to put your wine glass (or bottle) on and theres a fantastic view of the mountains and the lake and general NZ type beauty. So thats where I'll be. Soaking in the spa.

I'll take some photos. Heres me in the spa. Heres the view from the spa. Heres me drinking wine in the spa. Heres Hesty and Sarah drinking wine in the spa. Heres me eating my dinner in the spa. Heres me draining the spa to get rid of all the booze and food from it.

Fifteen sleeps until New York. Feck.

Hmmm.

When viewing my blog in IE the content doesn't appear until the bottom of all the sidebar stuff. On my sister's computer at home, and on my office computer at Other University (where I am now and its windy and cold and generally sucky), there is no Firefox, so I can't see what it looks like, and I only have access to the internets via my laptop in my other office. So I'm seeing a big gap where there should be blog, and only sidebar stuff, until I get way down the page.
So, the question is, what have I done wrong, and how can I fix it?
Presuming of course, that I'm not the only person experiencing this issue.

Help me Obi Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope.

Du hast mich gefragt, und ich hab nichts gesagt

Wouldn't you like to have this as a lecturer?
No, didn't think so.
Notice please, the strategically positioned hand. It has a double purpose, making the subject look as though she is engaged in very serious thought, while actually acting to cover up the onset of "Oh fuck I'm nearly thirty and never got pimples when I was a teenager why the fuck am I getting them now" attack.
Attack of the latent acne. Theres a horror movie if ever I heard one.
Perhaps its indicative of my emotional age, which is about 15, most days. Is that when people get pimples?
Don't ask me, in my experience people get pimples for the first time around their mid-twenties. Normality has never been one of my strong points. I've always been near the extreme of everything, but not enough to be at the extreme. Second tallest at school, third highest score for two scholarships, second youngest in class, not quite second best, but annoyingly close to first.
Second best is not an accusation I would ever throw at myself. Perhaps by now, dear reader you have come across the sheer immensity of my ego, and realise that I do not consider myself second best. Fuck, if anyone considers themselves second best and are happy with that, then they need to come and see me and I'll give them a serious kick in the pants.

Well now I've forgotten what I was going to blog about.

My friend came to see me today, and we were generally being dickheads, as you do, and I managed to get this photo of him.

It looks very much like hes doing something very rude to me.
I can assure you that hes not.
Hes cute though, have a wee perve.

Nice teeth.
I think I may well be For The Bash (tm) for posting pictures of him on my blog.
Who knows, perhaps I can hook him up with some willing young girl.
Any offers?
"Planet Claire, whoring out her friends since January 2004"

Sad day weather



Claire's a little glum today. With weather like this, are you surprised?
Happy Claire will be back later. She's out right now, please leave a message and she will get back to you as soon as possible.

Mmmm. Chocolate.



This is the block of chocolate that my sister bought for me and my bro-in-law (ie her hubby) to eat while she was away for a long weekend in Auckland. Notice the assorted objects in the picture, there to provide scale, so that the sheer hugeness of our chocolate block can be fully comprehended.
So, she left on Thursday at lunchtime. Needless to say, by Friday night the chocolate was completely gone.
But now my beloved sister has returned to reclaim possession of her children, and Aunty Claire is once again free. Phew. I need a drink.
Am giving serious consideration to a tubal ligation. I have no philosophical objection to having children, in fact I think that me and the object of my stalking affections would have lovely babies. But damn, I would need a serious amount of speed to cope with being a parent.

The other day I saw an old woman walking down the road and she had on a purple head scarf and the way it was tied around her head made it look like she had a pruple moustache and beard.

The frost this morning was really pretty and I wanted to stop and take a photo to post it but I couldn't stop cos some fucknuts was driving right on my arse and I would have been smashed into. Frosts in Canterbury are so picturesque. I will miss them.

I am so tired that my peripheral vision is starting to get a little shaky. The next stage is hallucinations. Well, more so than usual.

The Paris Hilton thing went down quite well. I'm curious as to whether anybody else in the world has managed to integrate Paris Hilton into a lecture on political economy.

Three weeks and two days.

I just managed to include Paris Hilton in a lecture about Marxist theory.
Yay for Claire.

Three weeks and three days.

London calling

Its a bit fucked up, because NZ is so close, psychologically and historically, if not physically, to the UK, in fact it was only 60 years ago that we became a legally distinct entity. If I can remember correctly, the Statute of Westminster was adopted in NZ in 1947.
London is the place we all go, on our "Big OE". We all start off there, get crappy flats in Shepards Bush and Camden, and take trips through Europe on weekends. Its so much a part of our identity that we feel attacked. I'll bet that every person in this country either knows or knows of someone in London. Without trying I can think of 6. It would be 7, but for the grace of the New Zealand Symphony Orchestra my beloved cousin is in Wellington.
Mr Blair handed it very well. Not that I am a huge Blair fan, the whole Iraq war thing caused me to lose a healthy amount of respect for him, but in my mind I was comparing him to GW after September 11 2001, and the glaring distinction to me is that Mr Blair seemed genuinely upset. I saw a photo of him this morning standing on the steps of the Gleneagles Hotel, and he looked like a man in pain. Theres a certain posture that a grieving man has, where they look smaller than they actually are, like the stuffing has been kicked out of them a bit. He looked like that. From my interpretation of GW on September 11th he had been told "look upset, something bad has happened". Mr Blair held himself together with grace and composure and then after attending to business at Downing St, went back to the G8 summit, as if to say Fuck you buddy, you can't stop us. After September 11th, the whole country stopped moving, planes were grounded, and the country shut down. Today, Londoners were encouraged to get back to work, to get on a bus or walk, to keep on with their lives.
Already, London wins. Even bombing the underground can't stop them.
Thats the thing with terrorism. If you let them stop you, then they win. If you believe the fear, if you let the terror get to you, then they win.
Terrorism is a means of warfare that strikes at your strongest survival instinct: Fear. If you deny them that, they got nothing.

Disclaimer: this blog is written by a middle class private school white girl who has never been on the recieving end of anything remotely terrorist. Still, its my blog, so get fucked.

Scary thoughts

Its official. I am now a lecturer. Yes, at a real live university. With real live students. They sit there and listen to what I say, and write it all down, and ask me questions and everything.
I am responsible for their education. Well, for the next three weeks anyway, until my section of the course is finished.
Still, I'm quite impressed.
Until in about a month and a half when I become a student again.

I made a decision last night.
I have the option of bucket loads of work in the next four weeks, lots of research and stuff, but given that I'm about to embark on a full-on PhD programme at a pretty fucking good (and therefore pretty fucking full-on) university, I think I'm going to take it easy for a while. Sure, I have to complete my lecturing contract, and mark their essays, and corrupt their young minds a little, and do a bit more research work on the project, and rewrite some stuff (which actually sounds like a lot of work, but I've got four weeks), but I'm also going to Wanaka for a weekend with my best girlfriends (minus one who will be in Melbourne) to sit in the spa and drink champers, and I will spend time with my sister and my parents and friends and generally not burn myself out. (That was a really long sentence. Sorry.)
Cos that seems a bit dumb really. This scholarship thingy is probably the best opportunity I have ever been given (aside from being blessed with these legs) and I think I'd be a daft cow to not give myself the best chance possible to kick its arse, and go into it all set to go, rather than being a burned out wreck.
So, its 40 hours a week or less (although 30 would be better) and this weekend is the last one that I will spend in my office. I'm going to hang out in the Arts Centre and go to the movies and go out for dinner and take walks in the hills and all that fun stuff that normal people do.
So there.
I'm ignoring the fact that I have about $7 until next Thursday. Man, thats not even a movie ticket. Arse.

Auckland, where the Orcs come from
(The recycling of crap jokes continues.)


Customs St, Auckland, Friday July 1st, 2005. Yes, heres another photo essay. Heres Claire, not doing any work. Fun.
I got up on Friday at 5am, took my bro-in-law to work, and got my bad self to the airport in time to get a 7.40 am flight to Auckland that was full of business men in their posh suits, and a young woman I felt really sorry for. She was crying for most of the way, I think she was off somewhere and leaving her family behind. Poor wee lass. I fell asleep on the plane, and the steward woke me up to say we were landing, and I had been snoozing with my mouth wide open. Charming. So all those nice business men and crying girl got to check out my fillings and tongue piercing.
Lucky them.
So I got there and it was sunny and raining, and got on the bus with a very loud young man who was also on his way to the consulate for an interview. Once we had found the building (thanks to the nice bus driver who dispelled all myths about Auckland bus drivers by being not a bastard) Mr Shouty took off to get some food at McSatan, while I got a cuppa and a muffin and then took a wee walk. Where I saw the above cool buildings.
And these motorcycles, reading posters all in a row.

I'm the perfect tourist, I'll take a photo of anything.
I went to the Consulate, and stepping out of the lift on the third floor, I was confronted by about 10 people all squeezed into a small hallway, queuing up to get let in. We had to all wait in line, and leave our bags at the security desk, and go through a metal detector, which I ALWAYS set off. I wear a silver bracelet on my left wrist that doesn't really come off, and have done for years. I'm used to it, and I told the guy that it would be my bracelet that set the thing off, but I forgot my metal hair clip that I was using in my attempt to look A Little Respectable (tm). Anyway, they finally let me in, without a cavity search (any day without a cavity search is a good day, as far as I'm concerned) and I had to queue up again and talk to one man who was sitting behind a glass screen, I felt like I was visiting him in prison. So I talked to him, and gave him some of the bits of paper I had filled in, and as it turns out I had filled in one I wasn't supposed to. Form Dfs25975Ge89 (yeah ok, I made that up, but its close enough) was supposed to be filled in by all male applicants. While I may be the height of the average male, I am certainly very much a woman (emphasis on the WOAH!!!) so I looked a bit silly there. What a surprise.
So after I talked to him, I had to sit down and wait to talk to another man who was sitting behind a glass screen, and he looked at all my paperwork, and started asking me why I was going to Syracuse and what my course was all about and stuff, so I answered him, and said that I had some more documentation if he wanted to look at it, to which he replied "Oh no, don't worry about it, I just like learning about what people are doing its so interesting". So, he took my passport and assorted paperwork, and said that I would get it back on Tuesday.
However, I think my passport left Auckland before I did, because it was on the doorstep by 10am on Saturday. Complete with visa.
Yay.
There is, however, a large envelope attached to it that says in big black letters "To be opened by immigration official at port of entry". My mum suggested that it may say "nah, just kidding, please send her back to New Zealand". To which I may or may not have responded "Yeah, fuck you very much".
So once I was finished with the Spanish Inquisition (which I did expect, actually) I went outside again, and this time it was cold and raining. I went to find my sister who was cutting things out of fishies' brains, and by the time I found her it was warm and sunny (about 20 minutes later).
We found my friend Katy and went to Rakinos for a wee nibble, and I had a yummy red fizzy orange juice thing.
Rakinos has the coolest windows ever.
Here they are.



Then Emma and I walked back to the lab where she cut up some more fish brains and I wrote some lectures. By this stage it had got cold and rainy again, and was getting back to warm and raining. Then it was warm and sunny and not raining, and then I went to get on a bus to the airport and it was cold and raining and grey again.
Once I was on the bus it got warm and sunny again, but only for about ten minutes before it went cold and grey again. I wandered round the airport for a while listening to my new favourite cd (Garden State soundtrack, buy it now or you're for The Bash) and then got on this plane
and went home and was very tired after my Big Day in the Big Smoke and had a glass of wine and watched a movie with my other sister and went to bed and had a big sleep and all was well the end.

If I were you my friend, I'd wear your dress and steal your friends...



I love these two. If I ever have twins, I'll name them Calvin and
Hobbes. Or perhaps Shake and Vac. Although Cheech and Chong would also
work.

I had Tikka Masala for dinner, and now my stomach is doing wee flip
flops. I need to go home and have a shot of Gaviscon, but first I have
to get my Shit Sorted. Yes, it merits upper case.

I'm stalking someone. (Well, he lives in another city, but I'm stalking
him via the internets. Apparently googling someone three times in one
day is stalking, according to Matty.)
I'm completely in love with him and want to have his babies.
But I was really well behaved and didn't snog him, or get really drunk
and embarras myself, or anything untoward. I was such a good girl I can
barely believe it.

Which was probably not the best idea, because shortly before leaving
the country is a really good time to be extremely naughty, so really I
should have just snogged him and been done with it. Oh Botheration.

Please wish me luck tomorrow cos I'm going to my big scary interview with these fullas, so hopefully I won't come up with anything like "One man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter".

Note to self: keep feet well clear of mouth.

Back to the stalking....

(insert "Jaws" music here)

So the time is getting near.
Five weeks and one day.
Me and my Moo Boots are sitting here trying to get a big pile of stuff done, and beginning to freak out a little about the fact that IM ABOUT TO LEAVE MY HOME FOR ABOUT SIX YEARS TO MOVE TO NOT ONLY ANOTHER COUNTRY BUT ANOTHER WHOLE FUCKING HEMISPHERE!!!
Everything will be backward in America.
It will be winter at Christmas. What about BBQs and water fights and Boxing Day picnics and drinking beer in the sun and getting a sunburnt nose on Christmas day? The water will go down the plug the opposite way. (I tried this in Greece. True.) They will be driving on the wrong side of the road (again, nearly got myself killed a gazillion times in Greece. Yes, even after living there for five months). They talk funny. (If anyone tells me that my accent is "so cute" I swear right now I will punch that fucker square in the face).

The thing that prompted the Oh-MiGod-its-actually-time-to-stop-talking-and-start-doing freakout was the fact that my email address is now set up.

So, should the urge strike you, feel free to email me at my new address: canewcom@syr.edu
You know, just in case my Canterbury address doesn't measure up, or if my two gmail accounts seem insufficient, or if hotmail is having a bad day (like everyday).

I'm not inviting spam here, all student email addresses at Syracuse are public anyway, they are posted on the University's website. But if you do spam me, or send any of those "send this to three friends and your wish will come true and some poor starving child in Bangladesh will get a roast chicken and Bill Gates will give a primary school in Ethiopia a gazillion dollars" fucking chain emails, then you will automatically recieve the same treatment as the "Your accent is so cute" guy.

Also, Batman Begins is fucking awesome.

Moo Boots

I went out yesterday with the intention of merely driving a friend to
Internal Affairs to drop off some passport documentation, and coming
straight back to work. Next thing you know, we're at the shopping mall
trying on shoes, and I fell in love with these babies. Yes, I'm wearing
them now, and as I told my niece this morning I plan on wearing them
until the day I die. They'll have to bury me in them.

Moo.

My trip to Dunedin, in photos.

Well here we are, en route to sunny Dunedin for the 40th annual Foreign
Policy School. Notice that I am not, in fact, speeding. In spite of my
sexy bitch of a car, I am not, at this point in time, speeding.
Because speeding is bad.


Here she is, the Little Blue Beastie. I'm going to be a sad bean when I have
to sell her in a few weeks. She has a new water pump AND a new cam belt
(thats the big rubber band that spins around, just in front of the oil
testing thing).
Whos a spoilt little beastie then?
Heres Bianca, cooking stuff.

I stayed at this flat. Bianca and Greg's flat. Although, I did have to share my bed with this guy.


The infamous George, who it appears has just been busted going through my
handbag. Sneaky little fucker. He seemed a little put out he had to
share his bed, but after the second night he was getting used to it.


This is the Fortune Theatre. It has nothing to do, whatsoever, with the
conference, but its pretty. Notice also that the sun is shining. This
doesn't happen very often in Dunedin in the winter. I feel privileged
to witness it.


Here are the remnants of my lunch. Fascinating stuff, I know. They fed us
pretty well, which is good considering how drunk they got us on the
Friday night.
Here are the people learning.


You can just feel the knowledge eminating from them, can't you. There was
one guy who was very interesting, talking about the wording of the
Millennium Development Goals and how the sneaky old UN have changed the
wording from the original declaration at the World Food Summit in Rome
in 1996, so they have made their jobs easier. Instead of declaring they
would halve world poverty by 2015, they changed it to halving the
proportion of population living in poverty, and then backdating it to
1990, so that in reality, taking into account the base year, and
intricacies of proportion vs. percentage, the UN only has to acheive
something like a 20% reduction in poverty, as opposed to the 50% the
wording implies.
We all thought he was a bit clever.

Heres the pizza we ate on Saturday night while watching the All Blacks KICK
SOME LIONS ARSE!!!! Fucking Brits. You've got four countries at your
disposal, England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales; a population that
exceeds our measly four million by god-only-knows, and still, YOU GOT
NOTHING!!!
Suck it down, you colonising punks.


Heres Charlie in the Octagon. I love Charlie. Every day is a fun day when
Charlie's around. You should have seen the look on that phone box when he was
finished with it. Phew!


Here is some funky sky, just north of Hampton.

Sunset at Makikihi. Theres some cows there as well, an animal I am most fond
of. But you can hardly see them in this photo, so forget I said
anything.

This is my favourite photo of this lot. Very late sunset just north of
Ashburton (commonly referred to as "Vegas" and the town who until
recently had the dubious honour of the highest suicide rate per capita
in the world).
I nearly got mashed by a big fuck-off truck getting out of the car to take this photo, so I'm glad it turned out so well.

Right then.

Back to it.

More photos to come. Maybe.

Thank you Tara for the photobucket suggestion. I'll be sure to mention you in my acceptance speech. What name would you like to go under?

Oh Woe is Me

Where are you all?
Zach Braff has got 1532 comments on his last post.
I got nowt.

Yes, I know hes a bit more famous than me.

Perhaps I should start saying really controversial things to get people angry, then they would comment.
George Bush is not the devil!!!

No, only kidding, spreading untruths is no way to get comments. Or friends.

I was considering doing a photo essay of my day, until I realised how thoroughly boring that would be.

9am: get to office. Have cup of tea. Check emails. Read blogs. (this is about as interesting as it gets)
9.30am: start working at computer.
12.30pm: have lunch. Most often still at computer.
2.30pm: have another cup of tea. Stare at computer some more.
3.30ishpm: read blogs some more. Check emails again.
7pm: Heres where it gets really interesting. Some days I'll go home now, other days I'll stay here and work for a few more hours. Variety being the spice of life and all.....

Only for six more weeks, and then I'm off (next week's visa interview going to plan) to New York.
Alert the authorities. And the liquor suppliers.....

I have just been preparing my first lecture for Other University, and you will be pleased to know that in one slide show, I have included Kate, Sawyer (mmmm), Sayid, Locke and Jack from "Lost", Jackie Chan, Eric Cartman, George W Bush, Tony Blair, Helen Clark and Obi Wan Kenobi.
I amaze even myself.

Pretty girls...



This morning I had a beautiful girl in my bed.




Oh yes, its true.




I took pictures.





They're coming.....




She's really gorgeous....





I think I'm in love.





You're thinking some pretty filthy things aren't you.....




Well don't.





Cos here she is.



Had you going there for a minute, didn't I?.....

Wee tart stole my teddy bear.  

Is there a particular knack to posting a picture in the middle of a post, without having to go back and forth and make it all different posts?
I'm fully aware of the fact that I'm not quite the sharpest knife in the drawer, but really, it can't be that hard? Or can it?

Here she is. Yay.  

A Bit a Culcha

Last night I went to the orchestra. The New Zealand Symphony Orchestra, to be precise. It was all very civilised, especially when the orchestra came on stage, and I jumped up and yelled so my cousin would get really embarrassed. She plays in the orchestra, you see.
Here she is (attempts to post a picture)
Ummm....Still getting the hang of this picture thing....
OK so we'll do it this way.

The shortest post. Ever.

Funny.

Not a complete waste of a Sunday

You know how sometimes, you just keep writing and writing and you're wondering to yourself "Where the fuck am I going with this, it has absolutely nothing to do with the first half of the chapter, but gosh its interesting" and then the next minute it somehow manages to wriggle its way back to the original point and not only have you suceeded in making a really good point but you now have a highly relevant and original and interesting example to prove said point?

Its cool when that happens.

I just managed to link a chapter on the economic causes of civil conflict in Asia Pacific and the World Bank's role therein, with the government of Papua New Guinea and their less than responsible position on resource extraction, with the recent termination of the Bank's Forestry and Conservation project in PNG, with a rather ham-fisted reintegration project in Cambodia, with the Trust Fund for East Timor.
And if you want to read it, you'll just have to wait until the book gets published.

MWAAA HAAAA HAAAAA!!!!!

Also, given my tendancies to have the occasional rant about things that I am interested in (read: things that bore most people's knickers off) I'm sure there are those who were expecting a rant about this.
Its coming. I'm waiting to see what happens at the G8.
And I haven't even mentioned Wolfowitz yet.

Saturday, 2.27pm

I have been in my office for about two hours already, and I don't think I've achieved anything. I spent about half an hour playing with my camera, taking pictures of the view out the window (grey and uninteresting) and of my screen saver (the Matrix code) and playing with all the buttons on the camera that change the depth of field and exposure (is it still exposure when theres no film to be exposed?) so try and figure out what each one does, but I just succeeded in wasting time and neither learning anything about my camera nor getting an interesting picture.
I ate some gnocchi that was leftover from last night's dinner. Quite nice, but really could have used a healthy dose of blue cheese.
I read some blogs.
I rearranged my office.
I emptied the contents of my handbag out onto the desk a) to see if there was anything interesting in there (not really) and b) with the intention of cleaning out the extraneous (and as it turns out not particularly interesting) matter dwelling within. I didn't. I just stuffed it all back in.
I made a cup of tea. And drank it. I think I could go another.
I put moisturiser on my legs. Pretty tricky when one is wearing their Saturday-in-June best of woolly socks, cosy trackpants and polypropylene.

I feel like I should be working though, because the rest of my family is at home (home being my sister's house) digging stuff up and building retaining walls and generally being all landscape-gardenery. And I said I couldn't help because I have so much work to do.
And I really do have the most ridiculous amount of work to do. I know for sure I won't get any done next weekend, because I'll be here.

OK. Time to do it.
As the man said: Do it.

writing stuff, writing stuff, look at me, im writing stuff.....

Update: 479 words. The good news is I'm pretty sure they all make sense and can therefore stay. The bad news is that there's only 479 of them. Oh well, its Saturday.

In other news, the White Stripes' "Dead Leaves on the Dirty Ground" is a fucking awesome song.

Would you believe this woman is a high school teacher?  

OK so now this is turning into Claire's greatest hits. Or not. The Goblin is responsible for this beauty of a shot.  

Tash is a bunny.  

This is me again. I look a bit pissed here. Honestly officer, I had one beer! Nice red nose, Claire 

This is my favourite painting. I think you should all look at it. I also have the fridge magnet version, thank you Hester.  

Check it out!!!

I can post pictures!!!! Yay. Or not, depending on the subject of the picture.
Yes, I know, everybody else in the universe knows how to post pictures, but this is a bit of an achievement for yours truly.
Oh, the hours I will be wasting....

Note: when I am logged into Hello to post pictures, I get no auditory love from Media Player. Anybody know how to fix this? In English please, I don't speak Geek.

Please ignore the above re: media player going boink.

I would delete it, but then the comments would make no sense, and then I'd have to change them, and I've forgotten my haloscan password, and its all a bit much for me on a Friday. I'm going to have dinner with my friend now and go and see Mr and Mrs Smith.
Booyakasha.

Well, here I am. At the rugby.  

Vroom Vroom....

Or not, as the case may be.

There are some serious car demons going around at the mo.
Take my mighty blue beast. Its leaking water. Not particularly serious, I know, but when you're a) driving to Dunedin next weekend, b) driving to Wanaka soon after that, c) live on a hill and d) planning on selling the beast in a month or so, this is not good. Hopefully it won't cost exorbitant amount to fix.
I'm doing better than my sister. She took her car for a warrant on Monday, and it passed with flying colours. Not a prob. Two days later, it makes a funny sound for a few minutes, and then dies.
Deader than Elvis. As fucked as a two dollar whore. Deader than a dead thing that just died. As much use as a truckload of dead rats at a tampon factory. Demonstrating about as much life as Michael Jackson's singing career. As screwed as Paris Hilton.
I think you get the picture.
As for my dad? Well he bought a new car about six weeks ago. Very pretty and shiny, but unfortunately it has developed a rather disturbing odour of burning plastic whenever it is running. And now is sitting in the garage waiting for Mercedes to get their shit together to either fix or replace it.
Perhaps as a collective we have done something to piss off the Car Gods (Toyotus, Mercedium, Hondaria and Big boss Motherfucking god of things that run on Wheels). Perhaps the planet is trying to tell us to stop mining her precious oil resources and invent a car that runs on hydrogen, or dead leaves, or poo.
Or maybe the universe just hates us for being so damn good-looking!!!

Yeah, that'll be it.

Hester, this is a challenge.

This is how much of a nerd I am

Apparently I have Merit.

Well, not so much me, but my thesis. Its not official yet, but hey.
I don't think thats too bad for someone who worked one job mostly full time for the whole time I wrote it, and two jobs for a goodly portion. Plus, I never did Honours in political science either, so I'm just going to say that I rock.
Yes Nic beat me and got Distinction.
I have a nicer car though.

Its all a bit silly at the moment cos I've got a really snotty cold and its in my ears (the cold, not the snot) and I've gone a bit deaf and I've got more work to do than there are daylight hours in the day.
Also I've nearly convinced myself that it is completely within the realm of wisdom to fly up to Wellington in the evening, see Interpol (in all their magnificent awesomeness), fly back the next morning, spend a couple of hours with the whanau, and fly out to New York that afternoon. I even called my mum to check that she wouldn't be too pissed off at me for spending my last night in NZ in Wellies seeing a band who are from the city I'm flying to the next day. She was completely cool with it.
So yes, its a bit silly, and I have to go now and look after the wee people.
Silly silly silly.

Also, that thing what I wrote has merit! Woohoo!!

HoooooLeeeeee Faaaaaaaaaaacccckkkk!!!!!!

Within 48 hours I will know my thesis mark.
Ohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuckohfuck.

I'm off now, to check my scholarship offer from Syracuse, to see if actually having a Masters is a condition for acceptance.

Friday, 11.04pm

I should be drunk by now.
Back in the day, I would be at someone's impromptu party talking shit, or out at a bar catching up with my friends, or dancing up a storm at some random place. But no. Those happy days are gone.
(Man, I sound like an old grouch, don't I?)
I've finally finished everything on my list for Friday, which is such a nice feeling of satisfaction. I love being able to cross off everything on the list, and I need lists, because I'm such a scatterbrain. Perhaps there's a blonde under all this red, just dying to get out.
One of the things on my list (that I've done, did I mention that?) was to write the essay questions for this course I'm helping to teach. I thought it would be a drag, but it was quite cool. Yes, I'm a geek, I know. It was a bit of an eye-opener as to all the interesting things that one day I hope to teach (once I've saved the world, of course) and demonstrated the depth of all things political sciencey. (Yes, its a word) Even such a simple thing as an introductory course requires so much information and its going to be a battle for us to get through it in six weeks, but I'll do my best. And no doubt lay The Grammar And Punctuation Smackdown (tm) on those slackers that managed to make it through high school without learning the difference between a conjunction and an adverb.
Haha!! Fear the wrath of The Claire and her quest for academic perfection!!
There's lots of brackets in today's post.
I had my six year old niece jump into my bed at 6.30 am for cuddles. Well, under the guise of cuddles, but really she wanted to be entertained until it was actually time to get up. So, I drifted in and out of sleep until 7am while she chatted to herself.
I am getting to be truly awesome at mastering the art of the Excel Graph. Well, when I say "awesome" I mean "it only takes a few tries until I can do it". Which is a vast improvement on "fucking do it you cunty bastard computer or you're going out the window". usually followed by "Tim!! Help!!" Today I made pies. Pie chart pies, not steak and cheese pies. Someone in NZ is going to have to send me a steak and cheese pie every week when I'm in NY.
Pies is a great word.
So is shower. And justification.
The screen is starting to swim. Wait, maybe its me. Uh oh.
Time for beddy byes.
Have a super weekend.

The lengths that I will go to....

This time around I really do have better things to do with my time. Oh well.
Things that have happened in the last few days:
...or, Stuff Claire has been doing.
The first in a new series.

-Marking essays. Really, the idea of a possessive apostrophe can't be foreign to EVERY SINGLE STUDENT, can it? Evidence suggests otherwise.
-Getting asked to co-teach a course at another university. Oh yeah, everybody wants a piece. The fun part is, the course starts on July 4th. I leave on August 4th. Luckily my esteemed colleague will do the second half. I just have to mark 60 essays in the week before I depart these shores. Piece of piss.
-Attempting to plan lectures and tutorials for said course at Other University.
-Listening to Bob Dylan.
-Making fun stuff like graphs and frequency tables and attempting to write another chapter for a book. Not that I've done the first chapter either... oopsy daisy.
-Moving into my sister's house for the eight weeks before I go. Upside: lots of cuddles from my nieces (my nephew is 10, and therefore thinks he's too cool and grown up for cuddles). Downside: can't roll in blind drunk at 5am.
-Making plans to go to Auckland for an interview for my visa. Which I think is a bit silly. I'd quite happily sign a piece of paper declaring that I'm not a terrorist or a threat to "National Security" (tm), and its going to cost several hundred dollars to get there. Auckland is fucking miles away.
-Being cold. It was -4 this morning, and today is expected to get to a whopping 7 degrees. Tropical.
-Changing the sign on Boss Man's office door so it reads "Professor Darth Surnamegoeshere".
-Procrastinating about all the work I must do. Gotta stop that.

You would think I had better things to do with my time.

You scored as Padme Amidala. Padme Amidala 78% General Grievous 64% Anakin Skywalker 64% Yoda 61% Darth Vader 56% Chewbacca 53% Mace Windu 53% Obi Wan Kenobi 44% C-3PO 44% R2-D2 36% Clone Trooper 31% Emperor Palpatine 25% Which Revenge of the Sith Character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

What kind of magic spell to use?....

Dum de doo....
Nothing much is going on really, I just have a compulsion to blog.
The weirdest thing pissed me off the other day. I was in the shower, and my flatmate has this conditioner that's especially for hair which is dry at the ends and oily at the scalp.
And so, I started shouting at it. I mean, what a stupid product. If your hair is dry at the ends, wash it less. If its oily at the roots, brush it more, so the oil gets distributed evenly, and solves that whole dry-end thing as well.
I mean really. How dumb.

Also the other night, possibly Monday, I had a full on, realistic, scary-as-all-fuck nightmare. I woke up screaming. It was all Amityville Horror like, but the scary part was that I didn't know I was dreaming. Sometimes I do. All I knew was that if I could scream I would be ok, cos it would prove the ghosts and monsters and assorted beasties didn't have control over me, and I could get away.
So I screamed. And woke myself up with the noise. Phew.

And thats all I got today. Sorry.
Aside from
a) nine weeks today, and
b) there is no way that Superman could beat Wolverine. Nobody can beat Wolverine. Ever. Its common knowledge. (among people who are cooler than you. Or geekier.)

That's quite enough of that.

Ok, no more of that political nonsense. Now we're onto some serious issues.
I was inspired by comments that evolved on Grace's site, and I think its time to ask some real questions. The hard questions, if you will, in the manner of a very serious investigatory journalist type of person.

Who would win:

1) Buffy vs. Xena
2) Wolverine vs. Superman
3) Obi Wan Kenobi vs. Blade
4) Danger Mouse vs. Hong Kong Phooey
5) Batman vs. The Punisher
6) Elektra vs. Mystique
7) James Bond (Mr Connery or Mr Brosnan) vs. Jason Bourne
(more to come, as soon as I think of them)

I know who my money is on.

In which Claire disagrees with the leader of the Green Party.

Today on campus, as part of the department's election year carry-on, we had some MPs talk about foreign policy. Given that I study international relations, I thought it might be interesting to have a wee listen, so I toddled off to do some learning.
There was one MP from the Progressive party, one from United Future, and the co-leader of the Green Party. They all had interesting things to say, especially about NZs relationship with China (the official one-China policy versus the unspoken-everybody-knows-it two-China policy), and relations with the US; from our nuclear free stand in the 80s, to our refusal to go along with the invasion of Iraq. Admittedly the group was heavily leaning towards the left of things, and while I'm a bit of a lefty myself, I also believe that you can use institutions to your own advantage, rather than completely disregarding them.
Rod Donald, co-leader of the Green Party, was talking about the Green's vision for foreign policy in the future, and he had some very good points. I think a lot of what he had to say was founded in good intentions and strong principles, unfortunately I can think of several arguments against him, especially regarding trading ties with China and their history of human rights abuses, poor governance and occupation of Tibet. I think he was arguing that we sever ties with them until they sort themselves out, but admittedly when he was talking about that I was writing notes to the person next to me.
One thing he talked about as the foundation of the Green's foreign policy was the concept of "peace through development", which is something I think has huge potential, and is a far more valuable approach than post-conflict engagement like peacekeeping and reconstruction. Everybody knows that prevention is better than cure.
I asked him how the party planned on implementing this policy, as in what sort of bodies they would work through for this development to occur. He listed various UN bodies and bilateral organisations, and when I asked about the WTO I was met with a shocked expression, as if to say "get out of my sight you damn corporate drone". He pretty much said he would completely discount the WTO as providing any useful development structure, and then when I asked him about the World Bank he looked even more horrified and said that now Wolfowitz was taking over there would be pretty much no hope for any of the Bretton Woods institutions to do any good for anyone ever, except multinationals and governments of rich countries. Then he started on about structural adjustment so I left.

The thing that I disagreed with was the whole notion of discounting these huge organisations with buckets of money, that have all the infrastructure in place and most of the resources required to enable development to a level sufficient to achieve the Millenium Development Goals, to make trade fair, to put an end to hunger, to give people jobs so they are less inclined to join a militia, to increase their wages so they aren't inclined to steal from their neighbours.
The WTO has conditions attached to membership that relate to workers rights and protection of industries. If these rules were strictly enforced, it wouldn't have nearly as bad a reputation as it does.
The World Bank has billion of dollars available for development, it has more influence over most economies than anyone likes to admit, and if it were staffed with willing bodies, it could be a force for change unrivalled.
These organisations are huge, they are global and they are rich as fuck. They're not going away any time soon, so lets use them to our advantage.

Here endeth the rant.

The theory of relativity explained. Or not.

Tuesday night I left my office about 10pm. Got loads of work done, and all was well. I went home, had some kai and watched Angel. Yay.
Wednesday night I left my office about 6.30pm. I felt like I had just climbed a mountain, and I could barely make it around the supermarket without collapsing in the bananas.
Relativity?
Fucked if I know.
The good news is that I've managed to clear some of the crap out of my office, and have now got my papers down to 10 file boxes.
Speaking of ten, its that many weeks today until I depart these shores for my New York adventure. Oh fuck.

News just in: LTSA are dicks.
I have had my sexy beast of a car for three and a half years now, and so I reckon this was the seventh time I've taken it in for a WOF. On the windscreen, there is a tiny little chip that hasn't grown whatsoever in the whole time I've had the car, not even when I got all those chips in the paintwork driving up the Huka valley and to the Rob Roy glacier. This time however, the car-inspector guy busted me on it, and said not only do I have to get the windscreen chip fixed before he can issue a warrant, but I have to get a new seatbelt in the back of the car. Theres the most miniscule amount of fraying on it, barely noticeable, but because LTSA are being such dicks, it has to be replaced. Suck.
I went to the windscreen shop, and the nice man there called my insurance company and got me a free brand new windscreen. Yay for him.
Then I went to get a new seatbelt, and $120 later, I get my warrant. Plus $90 odd dollars for the warrant itself and three months registration. I might have to take a stroll down Manchester St to raise money for my airfare.

I'm kind of looking forward to not having a car when I get to Syracuse. Plus, they drive on the wrong side of the road, so I'd crash in about ten minutes.

Backward bloody nations.
What have I got myself in for?

Its only forever, not long at all...

Things I am doing this week:
(and yes, I am developing somewhat of a list fetish)
1) Finishing writing a chapter for a book. Yes, that same chapter I have been going on about for weeks.
2) Starting to pack up my office. I took 7 boxes of books out to the hangar on Sunday; get to my office on Monday morning to discover another 30 books. Plus theres about 20 file boxes of papers, three stacks of papers about a foot high each, and three drawers full of miscellaneous but I'm sure also very useful crap.
3) Finding a home for my sofa and dining table. Any takers?
4) Finishing one research project so that when the essays arrive next week I can mark them without feeling all guilty.
5) Finding out where I can get adapter plugs/transformers for all my stuff so that when I get to America it won't all explode because of the different current.
6) Doing a little dance. (check.)
6) Learning to count.
7) Discovering cold fusion.
8) Doing the Coast to Coast.
9) Walking on water
10) Winning the Nobel Prize for Economics.

I'm aiming for a 50% strike rate. Who wants to bet?

Why.....

do I not have any money
are my arms so freaking long
do I get indigestion at the same time every day, no matter what I had for lunch and no matter what time I had lunch
do birds suddenly appear
is abbreviation such a long word
doesn't Viggo love me
are my socks wet
are we here
am I not at the pub
is Blogger being a cunty bastard
does my computer try and play me the same songs every day
does my hair go all boofy
do mean stupid people run the world
do nice guys finish last
does it cost so much to fly anywhere
can't I get a puppy
do people make computer viruses
am I not in Fiji
do people buy white sugar when it is nasty and raw sugar is so much nicer and healthier
do restaurants insist on putting raw onion in, and thereby spoiling, a perfectly good salad
is my office such a mess
are tampons taxed as a luxury item
does nail polish never stick to my fingernails or toenails
is Monty Python still funny when I have seen it all loads of times
did the Beatles split up
are some people just so damn ugly
do I have so many books
isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds
do people take themselves too seriously
isn't everybody smiling
can't I buy trousers that cover my bum instead of those skanky hipsters that leave half your arse hanging out for the world to see
am I not Prime Minister of the world
am I hungry when I had lunch an hour and a half ago
are schoolchildren not taught formal grammar anymore
are people who are mean to dogs not tortured with hot pokers
can't I offload information that still lives in my head but that I don't need anymore

not.

The quality of mercy is not strained, it droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven....

Dave has got the shits at me for comparing Star Wars characters to Shakespearean characters. I think he thinks I compared Episode III to Shakespeare.
So, it got me thinking about Mr Waggledagger ( get it? pretty funny...ok maybe not.)
Hence the title of this post.
Poll time: favourite quote from The Bard?

My own favourite:
Juliet: Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?
Romeo: I am here, Juliet, in my shoes of vinyl,
to take you to see the grand final.

Also, I got one of these.
Yay for shiny new toys.

Help me Obi Wan, you're my only hope...

Last night: Revenge of the Sith.
The verdict? I thought it was cool. Admittedly when I go to the pictures I tend not to be too critical, given that I am such a big fan of the whole experience, in fact nine times out of ten I get so excited about the previews that I forget what I have come to see.
It was a bit violent, and pretty dark, but really, what did one expect. Its the one where the baddies win. The good news is the dialogue is better. No more "I don't like sand" type bollocks.
And Anakin is good. Anyone who claims that the lovely Hayden cannot act needs to go and rent Life as a House, in which Hayden is not only impressive under his own steam, but is especially so given who his co-star is. Who remembers when Ally McBeal got Robert Downey Jr on to boost their ratings? It was a self-defeating move, because he is such a good actor that all the others on the show ended up looking fairly average.
Kevin Kline is another of these actors who is so understatedly brilliant, that those around him pale in comparison. In Life as a House however, Hayden holds his own, and proves that the woodenness of Episode II was not due to any lack of talent, but rather a rubbish script. Given that the script of Episode III is better, Hayden is better too. And yes, he is well fit.
But there is more to Episode III than Anakin, and the fight scenes are cool, and the movie is not bogged down in FX, and Ewan McGregor is an awesome Obi Wan, and Padme is so pretty and tragic she's like Ophelia, in fact Anakin reminds me of some sort of Shakespearean figure too, some cross between Othello and Hamlet.
Grace has got the rats at me for seeing it before her. Blame the time zones.
Anyway, I'm off now, hopefully to buy one of these.
Birthday presents are cool.

Today is the greatest day of them all....

....or, Memorable Burpdays I have had...
(in no particular order)

8th: Gold Coast, Dreamworld, and overindulgent parents. Nuff said.
25th: Thanks to a public service type strike, I was stranded in Athens, which was closed, when I was supposed to be arriving on a most delicious Greek Island. Memorable for all the wrong reasons.
26th: To make up for the previous year's birthday, I got myself a most yummy present. He was 20 and gorgeous.
19th: Bianca gave me a hickey. Yes, thats right. My first, and hopefully last, girl hickey. Actually hopefully last hickey fullstop.
21st: 60 of my closest friends, three course meal, an open bar, and the 14th floor of the Grand Chancellor Hotel. Sweet.
22nd: For the first time in my life I had to go to school on my birthday. Damn those changing university terms.
14th: I thought I was so grown up.
1st: Actually I don't remember it, but others do, and apparently it was a blast. Of course, I was too busy pooing in my nappies to pay much attention.
29th: I only remember it so well cos it is today. Yay for birthdays. Especially birthdays that coincide with midnight screenings of Star Wars.
I'm thinking I should really make a song and dance about this birthday, seeing as how its my last birthday in my 20s, and probably my last birthday at home for ages, but I have a cold and really can't be arsed. Plus, I already had a party. And its raining and cold. Oh well. Time for a cuppa, and then back to work.

Two things....

1: This is where me Da is going to play with toys.
2: It is only two days until my Burpday.

In other news...

Your Political Profile

Overall: 15% Conservative, 85% Liberal

Social Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?

Time away from me will get you down

I'm sitting at my desk, and I'm really not sure what I should be doing. I've checked my email, sent a most luscious picture of Dave a bit pissed on Saturday night to him (I want to send it to his mum too), read a bunch of blogs, and now I'm sitting here wondering what to do.
I have to write a chapter for someone's book, so maybe I should get started on that, but I really can't be arsed. I could write this weeks classes that I have to take, but I don't know what I'm supposed to be teaching them this week. I could go and find out, but that involves a bit more effort than what I'm prepared to commit to at this hour on a Monday morning.
Perhaps I could compose a report of Saturday night's party action. I don't think there was any scandal, I'm sorry to report. Ben climbed the tree in the back garden, but thats fairly normal.
I took a bunch of photos, but I'm yet to figure out how to post them.
I got quite drunk on a most scrummy blend of Absolut Citron, orange juice and lemonade. Most moreish, but I just got nicely drunk, and was reasonably sensible on Sunday. I didn't fall off my shoes, which is always a good sign.
Why is it that when one is a little hungover, one has an incredible ability to eat one's own weight in food? Man, I ate like a complete bitch yesterday. There were corn chips, cheese sticks with aioli, eggs on toast, chilli stirfries, more corn chips, and about a litre of the Dark Master, aka the nastiness that is coca cola. Usually I barely touch the stuff, but the day after a night on the turps, I can chop my way through a goodly amount. Ick.
Its raining and I have a cold.
Lovely.
I just saved several hundred dollars by not going to the so-called cheapest travel agent. Haha, I went to the nice one with the flash offices, and now my flights to NY are about five hundred dollars less. Suck on that.
Right. Back to it then.
Whatever it was.

Fun with toys.

Ha. Look out earthlings. I am armed, with my Mum's digital camera. I've loaded all the software onto my pooter, I have a whole new memory card thingy thats completely empty (except for a most charming self-portrait in my jim jams) so perhaps very soon, there will be the New and Improved Planet Claire, featuring Real Pictures.
Soon as I've figured it out (read: soon as Tim has taught me).

In other news, my Daddy, who is awesome, is coming to America with me to help me get all set up and settled in. Yay for him.

Why do I still have tonsils? Do they serve any purpose, save for giving tonsilitis a place to live?

These are the questions that keep me awake at night.

We won't use guns, we won't use bombs, we'll use the one thing we've got more of, that's our minds.

I was driving to work this morning, and was thinking about the things I would blog about. I'm not sure what that means, but hey.
Who watched "Lost" last night?
More to the point, how good did Sawyer look?

I tried to post a picture of just how good he looked, sadly my previous Luddite tendancies have won out, and I find myself unable.
Anyway. I have decided that Sawyer is well hotter than Jack.

That is pretty much the level at which I am operating at the moment. My brain is going "must get visa must move house must sell stuff must fix car must clean out office must pack up stuff must see friends must choose courses must save money must buy presents for people must do work must write this chapter must plan next week's classes" etc... so theres not a whole lot of spare brain activity for, you know, making sense.

Excrement does indeed occur.

Am having dinner tonight with the parental units to try and sort out how much money I will need to steal from the bank to live in Syracuse. I get a stipend in return for doing research work, and it sounds like a lot of money, but in reality, I have very little idea just how much it will cost me to live day to day. So I emailed my future flatmates to ask them. Yay for them.
Incidentally, it looks like we will have four nationalities living in the one house, which could be interesting. One is Indian and one is from Pakistan, so at least we can watch cricket.

I have also set up a parent-friendly type blog for the whanau to keep up with me while I'm away. The problem is, it must also be child friendly. And I'm going to need to learn how to post pictures. And I'll need a digital camera. Add that to the list. It is my birthday in less than a week, however, so if anyone's got a spare digital camera lying around, preferably 4.0 mega pixel+, with video capacity, and maybe with a second memory stick...

Only two days left until the "Claire and Dave have similar birthdays so we may as well combine our birthday parties" party. Yay. I'm hoping that my cold goes away before then.

This really isn't a very interesting post, so I'll be off now, before I lose the already small audience that I have.

Ok. Bye.

P.S. Nobody seems too keen on the "Guess what song the title of this post is stolen from" game. At least you know it won't always be Radiohead.
Actually, its never been Radiohead.
Yet.
Shut up, Claire.

Buy the sky and sell the sky and bleed the sky and tell the sky...

What does it mean when your computer makes a weird sound at regular intervals that sounds like theres a rattle snake inside it trying to get out and having given up all hope of rescue rattles its rattly thing for attention?
Most strange.

Anyway. Grace loves me.
Its important that you all know that.

Today has been an 'appointment' day. I had the chiropractor this morning, then a couple of crap boring useless waste-of-my-time things, then I got my eyebrows waxed. Oh yeah. I'm so pretty now. Cos not only do my eyebrows get waxed, they get tinted, and so do my eyelashes! So once the pain of having half your facial hair ripped out has passed, and then the burn of the eyelash-dye-in-the-eye trick passes, and you can see again, you look fabulous!!
Actually I mean me. I look fabulous.
Cos right now we're ignoring the whole 'I'm nearly thirty I shouldn't get pimples anymore' thing, and the fact that my stomach could be be lot flatter than it actually is, and that my legs have gone beyond spiky hairy to fuzzy hairy and that my hair could use some serious attention.
None of that is important right now.

In other news....I suck at maths stuff. I'm like one of those Barbie dolls that says "maths is hard. I like shopping" Except if I was proportioned like Barbie, I wouldn't be able to stand upright. Haha Barbie, suck on that, you plastic bitch! I can stand up! Look at me, STANDING!!!!

Where was I? Oh yeah, sucking at things mathematical. I'm trying to code stuff for the dataset, and for the purposes of future statistical analyses the coding rules need to come from the spread of data, rather than coming up with the rules independently and applying them to the data. So I came up with some stuff (i.e. completely pulled it out of thin air) and one set works perfectly (the scale needs to increase exponentially, because there's such a large spread of data) and the other one is COMPLETE BOLLOCKS. So I wasted valuable tv watching/friend seeing/dinner eating/arse scratching time last night trying to work this stuff out, and now I have to start all over again. PissArseShitFuckCuntyBollocks.

I think I should be a professional swearer.

Also today I got to warp some more young minds I mean teach some first years, and today's topic was authoritarian government. The reading was "1984" which is an awesomely awesome book and so we got talking about the culture of fear and how just like democracy, it must be constantly nourished or it will fail, so needless to say we got on to Fox news and their "terror alert" (tonight's terror alert level: beige corduroy!!).
The point being, it was very interesting, and some of them aren't complete morons. Shocking revelations, I know.

Anyhoo.
Am going to crank up the tunes in my office now and leap around like a complete twat.
Just for a change.

Its the terror of knowing what the world is about...

I just saw the Prime Minister. In fact, a car full of her Men In Suits With Ear Pieces nearly ran me over. No bloody manners. That was a bit exciting though. Not the nearly being run over bit, but seeing Helen. Yay.

I was doing some note-taking today in a classics class, and they were talking about the introduction of coins into the Greek Empire etc, and then the lecturer put up a slide of some coins that were from where I used to live!! Again with the exciting.
OK, bit of background: for nearly six months in 2001 I lived in Rodos (Rhodes), which is a small island in the north east group of the Greek Islands called the Dodecanese, a couple of hours away from Turkey. I lived in a proper Greek village on a hill called Kalitheas, and worked on a beach (not on the hill. At the bottom of it) that was crawling with British tourists.

I got to throw them from great heights.

Unfortunately, the company made sure the bungy cord was firmly attached to their feet before they jumped, and I didn't so much get to throw them, as sign them up and take their money, but still.

Anyway, these maps of Ancient Greece that the lecturer was showing had Rodos in some detail and I could have pointed out for the benefit of the class the old town that was walled in by the Knights of St John in the Crusades, to keep out the Turks, and the Acropolis of Lindos, which is where I used to go on my days off cos they had really good icecreams and the beach was much nicer and had less tourists, and the part of Turkey that I went to which in ancient times was part of Lydia but is now a really crappy town, and another island called Thera which is now called Santorini where I stayed for a few days and theres still a village there called Thera but they call it Fira and theres another one up the road called Firastefani, and a volcano across the Caldera that I walked up and the ground was warm and steam was coming out of it.

It made me think a bit.
Someone please correct me if I'm wrong (yeah, right!) but I think there have been people in NZ for about a thousand years. Its difficult for me to comprehend the age of some of the places I've been to. The Acropolis at Lindos is about three thousand years old, and thats just a minor thing. This lecturer was talking about places that I've been to, that I can tell you stories about, and they are part of history. Ancient history, even. These kids were studying it, and paying attention to all these interesting stories about these places, and I wanted to jump up and yell out "I've been there, and don't waste your time in Athens cos its a messy dirty city, go out to the islands and you can sit on monuments that are literally part of history".
I've been to the temple on Kos where Hippocrates used to teach, and while its not exactly standing, there remains the outer walls of the temple, and the accomodation quarters, and a lot of the columns and sculptures have been excavated and restored, and this is the birthplace of medicine as we understand it.
I find that extremely hard to get my head around. Three thousand years. The oldest thing in this country I can think of is only about two thousand years old. And thats a tree, not a civilisation.

Anyway.
What will they marvel about in another three thousand years, do you think? The way we managed to completely roger the planet up? Our primitive machinery? That we lived only on one planet?

Personally I always think its the buildings, being in the physical presence of something that has seen more history than we can comprehend.
Walking around the stone walls of the Old Town in Rodos, you truly understand the meaning of the old cliche: "Man, if these walls could talk".

Although, they'd probably talk in Greek....

Well then hook me up and throw me, baby cakes, cos I like to get hooked...

It is currently six minutes away from 8pm, and I am still at work. Yay for me. I figure I had better do as much work as possible in the next three months, work that I get paid for, because when I get to the US, I'm only allowed to work a set number of hours a week in the department as part of my Graduate Assistantship thingy, and one must find a way to keep oneself in the manner to which one is accustomed.
But the real bastard of it is that there are still a few things I need to do that I won't get paid for, and once I've finished them then I get started on the things I do get paid for, and then get saving said pay.
Does anyone want to buy a car? Its shiny and blue, and goes very fast. I've got the demerit points on my licence to prove it.
I have also been emailing government type people to see if they can give me some money to go to 'merca. There must be a lot of money in this country, and I think that some of it should come to me. I'm quite prepared to work for lots of money, its just that theres not enough hours in the day, what with sleeping, blogging, drinking tea, hot showers etc. So I'll ask pretty much everyone that gives away money if they can share the love with me. Do you think I could register myself as a charity?

I think I'm getting a cold. Arse.

It is 13 days until my birthday. Which means only 9 days until The Party, and 14 days until Star Wars. Oh, what an exciting time.

Argh.

"Ali in the ATF, Ali in the ATF"

"Ain't it a bit racialist, getting only black dogs to sniff out da bombs?"

Man, this guy is a fucking genius.
The people Ali talks to have absolutely no idea that hes taking the piss out of them. He has just asked ATF dog handlers why they don't have get the senior dogs to interview the new recruits, instead of the humans. Perfectly sensible question, if you ask me, cos obviously the dogs would have more relevant questions than the humans, but before we can even query the philosphical ramifications, Ali is asking the dog handler if he has ever smelled a dog's bottom.

And the good thing about this programme is that not only do we get Ali, but also Borat and Bruno.

OK, there is really no purpose whatsoever to this post, just to share with you all how utterly brilliant Ali G and associated characters are.

Bruno has just asked a Christian fundamentalist minister if he wanted a lapdance.

Outstanding.
You all need to go out now and watch some Ali G.

Also, in a google search, I found this.

OK, I'll go now.

Listen to more Concord Dawn and your life will improve

Theres an awful lot of "ohfuckohfuckohfuck" going on at the moment.
I don't think I have properly processed the enormity of Thursday's news, but one thing I am coming to terms with is the amount of stuff I have to do from now until August, and the amount of money I am going to have to earn to even pay for my airfare. Maybe I'll start taking collections. I wonder if there's some people out there that will give me money. I've tried offering a kidney for sale, but I don't seem to have many takers. It works perfectly well!
There has to be money out there somewhere.
Any ideas? Preferably ones that involve me keeping my knickers on.
Suggestions in the box, please.

Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today, I'm gonna be a part of it....

Thats right folks, I'm going to New York.
Oh yeah.
I got an offer. Not just an offer but a BIG FUCK OFF ASSISTANTSHIP PACKAGE WORTH FOURTY THOUSAND US DOLLARS.
Syracuse, New York, to be exact, for a PhD.
Why, you may ask? Because I am awesome. And ridiculously hot. And they love me.
The fact that it helps not to know me is lost on them apparently, because they want me.
THEY WANT ME!!!!
I have to be there in the middle of August, and I have so much to do in the next three months, including pack up my life, get visas, get buckets of money, sell my car, not make myself known to Homeland Security... I don't even know where to begin.

Oh shit. What have I got myself in for?

NEW YORK, BABY!!!!!!

Suck on that, naysayers.

Well at least we're not boring.

Never a dull moment, really.
My poor old mum has fallen over and broken her ankle. Sucks to that. What also sucks is that she lives in a split level house on a hill, where all the essential things like bedroom, kitchen, big fuck-off telly with Sky, are upstairs. I was wondering whether I could install one of those chair-stair-lift things in her house, like in Gremlins, but given how badly that ended in the movie, I am reluctant to. Oh well.

In other news, I have a TA offer from a uni in the US, unfortunately its not my first choice. Which is a nice way of saying its in Redneckville. When I was in Brisbane a couple of weeks ago, a bunch of people I had only just met had a wee intervention to stop me from going there, cos they were convinced that I would hate it. I have until June to make a decision.

Last night Christchurch got completely hammered by the most awesome thunder storm. There was REALLY LOUD (drowning out the telly loud) thunder, and super bright lightening, and buckets of hail and rain, and it was cool. Unfortunately the kittens weren't down with it, and kind of freaked out. I think they're over it though.
It appears that winter has arrived. Its now so cold that I can see my breath inside, its raining sideways, and its about 1 degree. OK, maybe a little more than that, but not much.

Winter is awesome. Oh yeah.

She says that my sentimental side should be held with kid gloves...

I feel like I'm stuck in limbo. Its weird. The last few days I've being going hard out on my work, and I'm a bit blah. It might also be because I think I'm coming down with this nasty cold thats been going around. The good thing about being me, however, is that whenever theres a nasty cold or flu going around, and lesser mortals are laid up for a week or two, Super Claire gets a wee sniffle, a sore throat, feels like arse for maybe two days, and is back to her usual super-ness in no time at all. My immune system could rival Wolverine's skeleton: made of adamantium and virtually unbreakable.
Or it could be that I'M HAVING TO WAIT AND I HATE WAITING AND AM REALLY REALLY CRAP AT IT. Just in case you hadn't guessed.
Little Miss Instant Gratification.
I want to know if I'm going to the university in the US. And I wanna know now!!!!!!
Actually, if its a no, I don't want to know at all, cos then I'll be all depressed and moping and you'll all have to put up with it.
Ah fuck it.

I think its been a few days since I've done this, but are you aware of just how awesome Interpol are? ( the band, although the international police aren't too shabby either. But thats not important right now) Its important that I make it quite clear to you all, and I strongly encourage you to go out now, yes now, dinner can wait, and buy both their records.

Also, this arrived in my inbox this morning. It might take a few minutes to load unless you've got some fancy high-speed loving going on, but tis good. Nice to see so much support for something thats so important.

Go and see Robots. Nike and I had a smashing dinner last night, and went to see it, and goodness gracious me its a bit of a giggle. Random Britney Spears moment as well, which is always funny. The messages in it are good too, perhaps this is further evidence that I think about things too much, but given that children are being raised by the media way more than we ever were, it becomes increasingly important what sort of messages they are recieving. And for this one, the messages are all good and healthy, and the ruthless pursuit of money once again fails to overcome the human (or robot) spirit, and the kid with the hand-me-downs and the blue collar family is the good guy.
I haven't spoiled the plot, don't worry, its a kids movie, forChrissakes, you know whats going to happen.

I was going to go to the gym, but bollocks to that, I'm going to visit my dear old Dad.
Have a super day.
(I'm feeling better already)

I must remember to buy catfood on the way home.

I'm feeling a bit blah today. I think I know why though. I've been sitting at my desk all day, calculating REALLY FUCKING CHEERY statistics, such as number of battle deaths, and average numbers of people that died as a result of combat per month in the Asia Pacific region since 1945. Did you know that over the space of six years, 1.5 million died in South Vietnam because of internal conflict? Thats well before the American war, too. It works out at nearly 24 thousand people a month. One thousand people per month are still dying in West Papua. And thats only since 2000. Since 1989, 64.5 people die a month in Aceh. 5% of the population have died. Name 20 people you know, and pick one.

Maybe it should be making me grateful, because I live in beautiful NZ and don't run the risk of being a statistic of violent conflict.

Or maybe its just the fact that I've been sitting at my wee desk all day, and still haven't heard from Our Friend in America, aka Programme-Running-Guy, as to whether or not I got into the university. If patience is a virtue, then I'm not a particularly virtuous soul. Although apparently chastity is a virtue as well, so HAHAHA!!!!!!

I am considering a rant about the new Pope, but it will have to wait. Its brewing.
I am also considering writing a big blog about the universe and everything in it, but that one will take a while.

Now I must buy catfood.

And Jay: they're pink. With Snoopy on them.

I am Woman, hear me Roar
meow

I have just posted and emailed a bunch of stuff to the last-american-university-I'm-going-to-apply-for. I'm a little nervous. As I wrote to the guy who runs the programme, it is very difficult to plead ones case via electronic medium, additionally I was restrained in that particular form as I presume my usual tactic of "I'm fucking awesome give me bunches of money bitch" probably has limited tenure in academia. So now I am waiting for The Boss Man who is currently MIA in London to get round to writing a letter of recommendation for me, to go with the other two (that hopefully say "Claire is awesome, give her bunches of money you bitches") and then to hear back from programme-running-guy. I wrote a wee letter to go with all the material I sent him, the closing line being "Yours, in anxious anticipation". I attached it all to an email that said something along the lines of "I've done the best job I can trying to sell myself in electronic form, and so all I can do now is drum my fingers nervously on the keyboard awaiting your decision".
Argh.
*drums fingers nervously on the keyboard*

But hey, if that fails, I'm moving my arse to tropical Brisbane to get me some of that Queensland love. And the American university is very near the Canadian border, and although that brings me closer to one of my lifetime goals of scoring a Mountie, I hear it is a bit chilly.
And of course, tropical climates are best for pasty white freckly gingas.

My friend got a PhD on Friday. Well, she got it ages ago, but graduation was on Friday, so I sat there with her mum and step-dad, and clapped and cheered, and snoozed through all the other people. Then, of course, we went out for dinner on Saturday night and needless to say there was drink involved. Bubbles, sauvignon blanc, beer, merlot, feijoa vodka. So Sunday was fun.
Actually Sunday was cool, despite being a bit OverHung, cos I spent about four hours on the sofa watching Buffy on the big screen. The big screen being the living room wall, cos we got ourselves some of that data projector loving, at least until my schoolteacher flatmate has to return it when school goes back in three weeks.
Lots of Buffy time.

Time to get back to work now.
Oh piss.

Update not at all related to anything: apparently our MPs have begun referring to each other as "front bums" in the media.
Now thats classy.

If I get there early will it be the right time?
Our heaven is just waiting so put your hand into mine...

Calling all People With Taste.

There is a festival that goes by the name of "Splendour in the Grass" in Byron Bay in July.

Interpol are playing.

Whos coming with me?

Listen up, bitches!!!

Write this in your diaries.
There will be a party.
It will be on May 14th (probably).
It will be at The Bounty.
It will be awesome (definately).
There will be a theme (to be decided, suggestions in the box).
The choons will be great.
The people will be beautiful (with several notable exceptions. No, not me, I'll be there in all my Patsy-like glory).

The cause.....

.....the second annual "Claire and Dave have mostly the same friends so we may as well combine our birthday parties plus it makes us feel like we have more friends than we actually do" party.

I will be 21. Again.
I'm getting quite good at it now, I really feel like I'm getting the hang of this whole "21" thing. It doesn't help though, that my next birthday will A Big One.

Dave will be 17.

I nominate the following out-of-towners to attend: Stacey, Bianca, Greg, Bridget, Hester and Mr Hester, George...hell, all of Wellington. And Jeff, Michelle, Anna, and Sara. I'm hoping for a 50% strike rate from that list.

You have been warned.

Also, I wrote a very interesting post the other day about all sorts of important stuff that was witty and succinct and politically relevant. Needless to say blogger ate it. Fucky.

Bye now. Essays to mark.

Warning: Superlative overload imminent

Wow. What a freaking rollercoaster.
The last few days have been insane. Man, I love conferences. I have received so much information and met so many awesome people and learnt so many new things and gained so many new friends and drunk so many glasses of wine and become so much more inspired about the work that already I loved.
I met people from Denmark and the US and England and Colombia and Sweden and Australia and Indonesia and East Timor and Cambodia and they were all really cool and inspiring and dedicated to our work and so intelligent and came from all different backgrounds and had really interesting perspectives that were different from my own.

And then once it had finished, I got to spend some time with someone truly awesome and we caught up with Anna and went to a museum and on a boat and wandered around the shops and one of Brisbane’s many casinos and I got to make a new friend who is…oh dear. My superlative function has overheated and consequently shut down. Suffice to say that the Dutch aren’t nearly as bad as Nigel Powers makes out.


Do you think I should tell him about the blog?

Oh, and my paper ruled. Man, I fucking OWNED that panel!